Toe Rees Today: Another load of mad old boIIocks

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

 

[Moriarty]

I would say never trust politicians, but ach to their own.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

You boy, are you a pharmacist? I need a heart transplant...

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Google Maps can’t find the Sunlit Uplands either.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

End ‘sick note culture’ by putting coma patients to work as draft excluders​

Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has outlined plans to end ‘sick note culture’, citing the example of coma patients who could easily take up gainful employment as draft excluders.

His comments come as the government seeks to make further inroads into reducing the welfare budget, with those on incapacity benefits and claiming to be ‘sick’ seen as an easy way to save a couple of billion a year.

He told reporters, “Sure, you might have a so-called ‘bad back’, which means you’re not going to be working as a handyman – but drug companies are always looking for people to test stuff on, and you are more than qualified to do that.

“This isn’t just about saving money, it’s about making people feel better about themselves by making a contribution to society – a contribution made by taking on a minimum wage job nobody else wants.”

Sunak said that in these difficult times, people with considerably less wealth than him would probably insist those people who are on incapacity benefits should be making some sort of contribution to society.
He continued, “I just don’t believe that all these people should stay at home being all incapacitated when they could be out there contributing to society as a drugs tester or one of those guys sat in a chair holding a ‘golf sale’ sign.

“Look at all those coma patients; what sort of middle-class family wouldn’t want such an eco-friendly draft excluder? It’s all-natural and 100% biodegradable.

“It’s minimum wage work, granted, but it still means fewer benefits paid by the state and fewer sick days for the patients themselves, which is obviously a good thing.”

“Yes, there will be the odd beep or alarm from the equipment that follows your new draft excluder around, but this is nothing compared to the sense of personal satisfaction experienced by the coma patient for the contribution they will now be making.

“Probably.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Colleagues rally round Tory MP Hannibal Lector following cannibalism revelations​

“Look, I’ve known Hannibal for a long time,” said Lector’s colleague and fellow Tory MP Geoff Chutney.

“He’s a fine MP who works hard for his constituents. Yes, I understand there’s been this business with him murdering and eating people, but he’s apologised for that, and so I think it’s time to draw a line under the issue now and move on.”

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[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Tory government

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

'I’ve often thought Scotland & England are the same country.
Thought Gary Lineker & Karl Marx are the same person.
Thought http://tractors.com & Pornhub are the same site.
It’s such an easy mistake to make!' - TY@SMTCBE
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after his marvellously uneducated display on BBC QT last night.
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Chris Philp MP gets lampooned across the globe.


via ColdWarSteve on X

https://twitter.com/x/status/1783757896452280654

 

[Confused_Fred]

This man is the mayor of London, Sadiq Khan. He's London labour mayor




He orders the Police to break up protests if they look like this.



But not if they look like this.

Up to March this year Pro-Palestine protests have cost the Met Police £32.2 million.

Anyone would think this man was using public money to ensure his re-election in London mayoral race.

I am sure the local council taxpayers across London don't mind having public service cut to cover the cost of policing these endless pointless protests. After all what if odd school closes and do we really need libraries? it's not like any off them read books in English?

Do you really want people like this running the country?

You can go on about Tory sleaze is much as you want, but it's nothing compared to what the labour parties doing right now in London. I can't think of one Tory MP who wasted 32 million pounds of public money trying to get re-elected by allowing protests by members of his own community.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

“We might be miles behind in the polls, but I visited Cardiff last week and received a very warm reception from the Scottish people.”- Chris Philp MP
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[TwoWhalesInAPool]

"The Democratic Republic of Congo, Sir!?! F.ucking miles away!"
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[Confused_Fred]

Jeremy Corbyn​

Former party leader Jeremy Corbyn had the whip removed and was suspended by the party in 2020 after responding to a highly critical report on antisemitism within the party by saying the scale of the problem had been “dramatically overstated for political reasons”.

He subsequently had his party membership reinstated and attempted to clarify his comments by saying concerns about antisemitism are “neither ‘exaggerated’ nor ‘overstated’”. However, current Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer has refused to readmit him to the ranks.

Diane Abbott​

The veteran Labour MP lost the whip in April last year after writing a letter to The Observer in which she suggested Jewish, Irish and Traveller people are not subject to racism “all their lives”.

She subsequently apologised, suggesting “errors arose” in her initial draft letter to the newspaper, but remains subject to an internal investigation by the Labour Party and has not had the whip returned to her.

Nick Brown​

Long-serving Labour MP and former chief whip Nick Brown lost the whip in September 2022 pending the outcome of an internal investigation into a complaint against him, which he has said is concerned with a matter 25 years previously. The nature of the complaint has not been made public.

He announced in December that he would not stand again as an MP and had resigned from the Labour Party, calling the long-running investigation a “complete farce” which was “so fundamentally, and inexcusably, flawed that I can no longer engage with it”. He said: “To be clear; the accusations against me were, and remain, entirely false, without even the faintest germ of any truth to them.”

Conor McGinn​

Labour suspended Conor McGinn in December 2022 pending an internal party investigation into a complaint against him. The nature of the complaint has not been made public but in a statement at the time, Mr McGinn issued a statement saying he “strongly rejected any suggestion of wrongdoing”.

Claudia Webbe

Claudia Webbe has sat as an independent since September 2020, when she lost the whip after being charged with harassment.

She was convicted of the offence a year later and given a suspended 10-week prison sentence and ordered to do 200 hours of community service.

In May 2022, she lost an appeal against her conviction, but had her sentence reduced to 80 hours of community service.

Geraint Davies​

Labour withdrew the whip from Geraint Davies over allegations of sexual harassment made in June last year. He is also facing allegations that he “boasted” about bringing sex workers into Parliament for drinks.

The party is carrying out its own investigation into the claims, which Mr Davies denies.

Kate Osamor​

Labour suspended the whip from Kate Osamor over comments she made in January 2024 in which she appeared to say in a post about Holocaust Memorial Day that the war in Gaza should be remembered as a genocide. Ms Osamor apologised for “any offence caused” by her remarks but remains suspended.

Another Labour MP suspended over remarks about the ongoing conflict in Gaza, Andy McDonald, had the whip restored in March after an investigation found he had not broken party rules.

The basic annual salary for an MP from 1 April 2024 is £91,346. MPs also receive expenses to cover the costs of running an office, employing staff, having somewhere to live in London or their constituency, and travelling between Parliament and their constituency.

All of them are still sitting in the House of Commons, voting on new laws and getting paid

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Chris Patten has just murdered the party of which he was Chairman.

It’s all in here - the bilge of Brexit, the worst foreign policy error ever made, and the insanity of the right wing cult’s grip on this once great political machine.

Pure gold. (via BMonX)

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Tory nightmare.

(trigger warning for Tory snowflakes)

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Concern that links to the Tory party could hurt Tories in upcoming local elections​

Ahead of tomorrow’s local elections, there is a fear growing amongst Tories that links to the Tory party could hurt them in the polling booth.

“I mean, I think that most people recognise that the Tory party is completely f.ucking disgusting,” said Tory Puh Stulle.

“I’m seeing that come up on the doorstep all the time. It seems clear to me that my main problem as a Tory candidate is going to be my links to the Tory party.

“I mean, they’re corrupt, they lie, cheat, they’re racist, cruel and lazy. They don’t get anything done. The problem is that, as soon as people find out I’m running as a Tory, it’s going to be pretty clear that I have quite deep links with the Tory party, and that’s definitely going to hurt me.”

Many Tory candidates are coming up with increasingly imaginative methods to disassociate themselves from the Tory party.

“I’m just going to tell people I’m visiting the town on holiday,” said Tory candidate Ste Lurr.

“I mean, on the one hand, they won’t know I’m a candidate in the local election, which will definitely affect my chances, but on the other hand, people won’t think I’m associated with the Tory party, which I think will really, really improve my chances.”

Interestingly, it doesn’t just seem to be Tory candidates whose association with the Tory Party is having a negative effect.

“I’m a Labour candidate,” said Kelly James.

“But people hear that I go to work in the Houses of Parliament, in the same place that many members of the Tory party work, and they assume that I’m a lying, cheating, two-faced prick as well.

“Just being near the Tory party is hurting everyone.”

It’s not even just candidates who are suffering from links to the Tory party. A man who does the bins at the local Tory party office was asked to leave his local pub as it was assumed he was fiddling with the fruit machines.
TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Last night on Twitter.

Conservative MP Tom Hunt fails to get valid ID for election day and is left unable to cast his own vote by the same voter ID laws he had voted for three years ago, then asks one of his local party members to vote for him. He eventually was able to vote.



via https://twitter.com/tomhunt1988

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

LOL Hoist and petard. Irony of ironies.

Am lit, fam. Totes lit!

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Still lit n loling from the above post