Toe Rees Today: Another load of mad old boIIocks

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Party of rich old men who’ve never had a proper job insist striking doctors are ‘out of touch’​

The Conservative party has invoked ‘pot-kettle-black’ by suggesting that another large group of people are acting against the interests of Britain.

After a four-day strike by junior doctors began, it was revealed that the government was refusing to negotiate because they actually quite like the people in charge of the nation’s health living just above the poverty line.

Conservatives were quick to brand the strike “irresponsible” and “damaging to the future of Britain”, causing almost everyone within earshot to shove a mirror into the nearest Tory face and say “take a good, long look you bloody hypocrite.”

Stacey Anderton, a 29-year-old junior doctor who’s done more good in the last month than the Government front bench could manage in the entirety of their over-privileged lives, said, “It is going to be a little tighter around the house, you know, during the odd hour I get to spend there.

“I was mildly amused by the Conservatives’ suggestion that we’re acting out of self-interest rather than a desire to, y’know, eat and sleep every once in a while.

“I hope we’re not distracting too much from their plans to cut taxes for millionaires?”

A spokesperson from the Conservative Party said, “We are fully aware of the issues surrounding the funding of the health service.

“For example, some hospitals can still afford to use fluorescent light bulbs. You can kiss those goodbye.

“Rest assured, Steve Barclay is working incredibly hard to f.uck every last hospital into a tin hat.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

BRITISH TORY GOVERMENT FILLED WITH LYING, CHEATING, ABUSIVE RACIST C.UNTS CONTINUE ACTING LIKE C.UNTS WHILE BEING TOTAL C.UNTING C.UNTS​

UK’s migration bill to circumvent European Court of Human Rights by reclassifying asylum seekers as sub-human​

The Home Secretary will be granted new powers in the Illegal Migration Bill to ignore attempts by the European Court of Human Rights to prevent deportations by reclassifying migrants as sub-human.

The government insists that an amendment to the bill is necessary since the ECHR continues to insist that asylum seekers are human beings and deserving of basic human rights, in direct opposition to his government’s official position.

Suella Braverman told a gathered crowd of Tory supporters ahead of the local elections, “The disastrous ECHR won’t be able to do anything to stop us, even though they keep on saying that asylum seekers are humans too, because we know different, don’t we?

“Let’s be honest, the concept of human rights has been nothing but a pain in our collective backsides ever since I became Home Secretary, but not any longer.

“Apparently, you can’t go around putting humans seeking refuge in prison barges, or putting them on a plane to Rwanda, even when they claiming to be asylum seekers – I mean, everyone knows asylum seekers are animals, not human; what’s the big deal?”

Braverman went on to try and calm those who have been left angry at the news, insisting this is not the end of human rights in the United Kingdom.

She explained, “Look, you can rest easy because we’re going to make our own Human Rights Council, and it will be the best Human Rights Council in the world, where only the best people will be classified as human.

“Anyone will be able to submit an application, but we will be very choosy about who we let be classified as human – we have to be. None of these migrant sorts, or anyone else we don’t like. None of those, obviously.”

Meanwhile, many Tory supporters have taken to looking at themselves in the mirror this morning and asking themselves the question, “What… what if we’re the baddies?”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Tory PM c'unt calls it ‘Unicorn Kingdom’ because all the benefits are imaginary​

Rishi Sunak has relaunched the UK on the global stage by naming it after an imaginary creature beloved by credulous children. This is the same power mad f'ucker that had 30 police officers running in front of his car yesterday, Kim Jong Sunak ruling like a dictator c'unt. WTAF!?!

Shortly after the c'unt finished speaking to business people at the launch event, a less powerful Tory c'unt said, “When creating a scheme to promote the UK as THE place for global innovation, we decided to use the tried and tested persuasion method of using made-up imaginary things to get people to do as we want.

“Now, some critics might say that people are not stupid, and no grown-up believes in Unicorns, so how can such a fantasy possibly play out in our favour? And I would simply point you to 2016 and the claims of Brexit’s sunlit uplands.

“If the Brexiteers were telling the truth, we’d all be living in a high-growth, economically prosperous paradise where the world’s other leading nations were banging down our doors to negotiate access to our incredibly affluent market.

“But instead, we’re the only G7 economy still smaller than it was before the pandemic.

“So remember, the sunlit uplands were as imaginary as any unicorn, but they STILL persuaded people to vote for Brexit in their millions, so I have no doubt whatsoever it will help entice a handful of multinationals to invest here in the UK.”

American businessman Chuck Williams told us, “Yeah, we’re not falling for that again. Just because this month’s British prime minister has promised us something wonderful does not change our opinion that your country is a total clown show.

“We’ll go elsewhere and just wait for the doors to fall off, then swoop in and buy you for parts.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Cuntservatives putting huge strain on public services, warn immigrants​

Immigrants working in the public sector have warned that the Cuntservatives are placing an intolerable strain on public services.

With junior doctors and nurses preparing for further strikes, and government funding cuts threatening vital services, immigrants insist the UK is being overrun by swarms of Tory cu(n)ts.

“Services are struggling to cope with floods of government demands to cut local authority spending,” insisted social worker Krisztina Ionescu.

“Housing is a real issue in many areas, but landlords are being given priority treatment.

“I’m not against ideologies; I’m against uncontrolled ideologies.”

A government spokesperson reacted angrily to the claims and insisted the use of words like ‘swarm’ dehumanised Cuntservatives.

They added, “We’re just doing what we have to do in order to ensure we have a much, much, much better life.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

THE F'UCKED BY BORIS JOHNSON CLUB

EX BBC chairman Richard Sharp has resigned and received his coveted invite to the f'ucked-by-Boris luncheon club on the same day.

The former Goldman Sachs banker, who has been advised that asking for the job while arranging a £0.8 million loan for the person he was asking means he has perception problems, saw his gilt-edged invitation slide under the door the very moment he quit.

He said: “Apparently they meet in the City of London’s historic Guild Hall every Friday at 1pm. It used to be a room above a pub but membership’s grown exponentially.

“Petronella Wyatt emailed and said it’s casual dress as most of the girls are in next-to-nothing anyway, and there’s no free bar because usually attendees have lost substantial sums in qualifying for membership.

“I must say it’ll be nice to see Allegra Stratton again, and of course so many of the people involved in the Garden Bridge group, the Leave campaign, and PartyGate. Largely we’ll discuss how we didn’t think it would happen to us and what dickheads we were.

“There is an argument for the entire country to be invited, but the club’s strictly for those to whom he did it personally. Otherwise we’d have the whole of the Red Wall in.”

Later, Sharp is expected to say: “Rishi? What are you doing here?”

TY@TDM

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Bad things still the fault of people who left government thirteen years ago, confirm Tories​

Anything good happening in the country is thanks to us, and anything bad is the fault of the government that left power in 2010, the Tories have confirmed today.

Speaking to reporters ahead of this month’s local elections, backbench Tory MP Theevin Liun-Khunt said that his government’s record on anything you are personally unhappy with, in the last thirteen years, including the cost of living crisis, inflation, wage stagnation, the housing crisis and massive government debt is all down the previous Labour government.

He explained, “Look, we’ve had over a dozen years to enact policies that allowed us to meet our forecasts and numerous pledges to the country, but for the most part, we haven’t done that – because of Labour.

“I mean, yes, technically, the mess they left behind in 2010 hasn’t changed one bit since that day, and when we took over in 2010 and said we would fix it – but that’s irrelevant.

“And I also know we’ve said many times during the last thirteen years that we would make everything better – and we haven’t done that either. But again – and I do hate to sound like a stuck record, that’s all Labour’s fault.

“Let’s not focus on the specifics of why it’s Labour’s fault, because then you’ll realise you’ve had thirteen years of us saying we know what the problem is and how to fix it, and yet haven’t actually fixed the many numerous problems.

“So, I reiterate, it’s all Labour’s fault. Unless what you are hearing is good news, then that bit was all us.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Today local elections will be held around England which, because of some Tory scamming bollocks, you will not be able to vote in.

Here’s how it will work:

At 12pm you visit your local primary school to punish whichever local candidate belongs to the national party you like least. An old lady informs you photographic ID is required.

Show the lady your polling card. She explains this is not photographic ID because it does not have a photograph on. Ask when this bullshit started. She explains the Conservatives brought it in because of unevidenced hypothetical voter fraud.

Show your work pass. She explains this is not valid and lists accepted ID which you have never in your life heard of, especially the PASS card and Voter Authority Certificate. You do not have a driving licence but do have a passport.

Head home. Look for your passport. Realise that you last had it for a family holiday in 2021 and it is at your mum’s house. Call mum to check. She confirms it is safe in the bureau.

Head back to polls with expired Oyster card from when you lived in London, dimly recalling that on the list. Your voting intention has changed in the last three hours to ‘whoever kicks these bastards out’.

Show the lady your Oyster card. She explains this is not valid ID because you are not over 60. Explain that is discriminatory against young people. She nods.

Furious, burn your polling card outside the polling station for a photographer from the local newspaper who does not get the shot because he is 85 and using a 30-year-old camera. He apologises then goes in to vote.

Go home. Sulk. Vow to get whatever is needed for the next election so you can fulfil your intentions re. the bastards, as above.

TY@TDM

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

“We never wanted your stupid votes anyway!” insists sobbing Tory party​

The Conservative Party has reacted to its epic drubbing in the local elections by stating that it’s not remotely bothered and, actually, it wanted to lose, so you’re the idiots for laughing, and they’re not crying, you’re crying and why don’t you just f'uck off!

After a long period, Conservative Party, Liar in Chief, Scammer at Large and chairman, Greg Hands, eventually agreed to answer some questions through the keyhole of his bedroom door.

He went on, “It’s such a big lie that we were desperate not to get utterly creamed. We totally let the others win. We all know the local elections are just for losers anyway.

“Labour and the Lib Dems can enjoy fixing those potholes we all posed in front of, while we do the important stuff. I never really cared and only campaigned ironically, which you would have understood if you weren’t so stupid!

“We won in all the cool places that matter like gaining one extra councillor in Bassetlaw. Labour can keep its big cities in marginal constituencies. Who needs those w'ankers anyway?”

Mr Hands denied the loss was a result of his party’s electoral strategy, which some have claimed was inspired by ruthless winner-takes-all methods used by the US maga right.

“Rubbish. We never went into voter suppression. That ID law was completely required to put an end to the zero cases of voter fraud we’ve had in the past years. Our idea to turn people away at the polls was brilliant, but this country is just too backwards to appreciate it.

“Next year, our party is going to move to another electorate that is so much cooler!”

Mr Hands then refused to answer any more questions and spent the next six hours listening to Morrissey’s latest album; Dreams Of White England.

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Brexiter remains convinced his very specific version of Brexit is what the government is obliged to deliver​

After the government scrapped its plan for thousands of EU-era laws to expire automatically at the end of the year, deluded Brexiters everywhere have insisted this is not the very specific version of Brexit they voted for.

Brexit voters across the country have confirmed that they believe their personal interpretation of Brexit is exactly what the government is obliged to deliver, and is exactly what everyone else who voted Leave also wants.

Speaking earlier today, Ray Cyst, a 65-year-old retired Buy to Let landlord, and self-appointed EU expert, from Hull, shouted and pointed, “Traitorous Remoaners constantly tell us we didn’t know what we voted for, but it was clear on the ballot paper, we voted out!

“Every patriot in the country knows that voting Leave meant all the EU laws had to expire on 31st December 2023, plus all of the other very specific things that I have in my mind right now, like sending them all back.

“Any going against the will of the people, in other words, my will, is an act of outright treachery.”

Meanwhile, non-morons have sat back and pointed out that people voting for a poorly-defined nebulous concept like ‘Brexit’ was always going to leave millions of people disappointed with the outcome.

Si Williams told us, “If you’re the sort of person who can be persuaded by a message on a bus, then I expect this move to keep EU laws for a bit longer is just the latest in a long line of personal and professional disappointments.

“The Brexits that people voted for are like snowflakes. No two are exactly the same. And much like snowflakes, when they don’t get their very specific version, Brexiters throw a tantrum.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Bunch of unemployable shitheads want Boris back​

Jacob Really-Smugg, Pishy Patel and other shitheads who would never be employed in any reasonable government have announced they want their old boss back.

The former ministers all attended a special losers’ conference in Bournemouth this week to argue for the return of the only man who would ever give bumbling morons like themselves Cabinet jobs.

Dunkin' Dorries, once ludicrously secretary for digital, culture, media and sport, said: “It’s not about us. That I can only get work on Talk TV now is a coincidence.

“It’s about restoring a vote-winning, election-sweeping political giant to Downing Street, conveniently forgetting the scandal that kicked him out and his resulting massive unpopularity which we’re pretending never happened.

Proven bully Patel, who has been replaced by an even more racist and stupid version, said: “I was the home f'ucking secretary. Now people don’t even shudder when they pass me in the street.

“We’ve tried gross economic disaster and ineffectual base-level competence a try. Neither’s worked. Time to put the dream team of headbanging lunatics led by a serial liar back on top.”

The conference, estimated to have cost tens of thousands, was not deigned worthy of attendance by the lying, thieving and conniving c'unt that is Boris Johnson.

TY@TDM

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

British youngsters looking forward to post-Brexit fruit picking apprenticeships​

Britain’s young people are eagerly anticipating a prosperous post-Brexit bonanza after Home Secretary Cruella Braverman suggested British people should learn to pick fruit, jobs previously done by cheaper migrant labour.

Mrs Braverman insists the move could produce an army of crop selection technicians that will be the envy of the world.

“Our young people will have the opportunity to thrive under the tutelage of skilled fruit pickers,” she said.

“An apprenticeship wage of £5.28 an hour will also allow them to buy all the things young people like, such as Pokemon cards and Space Hoppers.”

Young people have spoken enthusiastically about the possibility of a career in crop selection.

“This really could be the start of something big,” enthused 18-year-old Muh Ginns, who, up until now, was considering studying for a degree in astrophysics.

“If I can succeed at fruit picking, then who’s to say I couldn’t move on to be a shopping trolley retrieval specialist?

“It goes to show that you should never stop believing.”

Mrs Braverman revealed that the fruit-picking apprenticeships would only be available to the under-18s.

She added, “We did think about opening up the scheme to older people, but then we remembered they’re allowed to vote.”

TY@NT ~ Spacey

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

National Conservatives demand Holocaust Remembrance Day be renamed Muck-up Day​

In the wake of a speech by noted non-historian Douglas Murray, attendees at the National Conservative jamboree agreed that Nazism was too often used to browbeat the far right and that the extermination of millions is better understood as unfortunate clumsiness.

Ray Cyst, Daily Telegraph correspondent and a World War 2 re-enactor who doesn’t like saying who he dresses up as, explained that focusing on Third Reich ideology was part of a “woke politicisation of history by out-of-touch academics.”

He went on, “Every day in our schools, children are being brainwashed into thinking that labelling entire groups as subhuman, with a secret agenda to destroy all we hold dear, is somehow connected to the mass murder perpetrated by the Nazi regime.

“We all know the key thing about the atrocities in WWII is the nationality of the perpetrators. All we want is for everyone to stop making a big deal about the ideas that paved the road to Auschwitz and, instead, laugh at the Germans for being crap at nationalism.

“We’d laugh at the Italians too, but we kind of like their government at the moment.”

Mr Cyst denied that there was any strategy behind the National Conservative conference’s many similarities to Nazi symbolism.

“More paranoid lefty nonsense! Next you’ll suggest we deliberately chose a name that can be abbreviated to NatC so we’ll be barraged by easily denied accusations of fascism which in turn muddles the field for ideas which are genuinely dangerous. Or that we do it as a dog-whistle to neo-Nazi psychos.”

Cyst added that he was making a documentary about the rally that can be found on the National Conservatives’ brand-new YouTube channel, TriumphOfTheWill88.

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Six luxuries of the poor, from phones to cheese. By Ann 'The C'unt' Widdecombe​

Poor people should not have anything that makes life enjoyable, and that includes food.

Here is Ann Fukenkhunt's guide to what they don’t deserve.

Smartphones
Ann doesn’t want to hear your rubbish about how hard it is to look for a job, check your emails or just stay in touch with friends and family without a smartphone. They’re new-fangled devices for lazy heathens. Ann thinks so, because she was born in 1947. Or possibly 1847. She probably thinks Florence Nightingale was a nanny state do-gooder.

Entertainment
If you don’t have much money, a Netflix subscription is going to make up a large part of your entertainment. However, Ann thinks anyone who can afford to spend £5.99 a month on telly is obviously living in the lap of luxury. You know what you should do instead? Go to church. It’s free, and it might stop you being tortured in Hell forever. That’s better than Succession.

Habitable homes
You want a safe, warm, mould-free home for your family? Who do you think you are, King Charles? The reason you can’t afford a nice home isn’t because the housing market is out of control, it’s because you’re a feckless layabout. Yes, even if you already work two jobs. Why not just get three, or ten?

Foreign holidays
Ann doesn’t care if a week all-inclusive on the Costa Brava is significantly cheaper than hiring a caravan in Cornwall. Anyone on benefits should reimburse the cost of every holiday they’ve ever had and have their passport confiscated. Skegness is all they deserve.

Children
Ann wants people to have more children, but only white ones and only if parents can completely afford them, which even the middle classes are struggling with. If poor people don’t have children, who will Ann judge and disparage? She’s got a lot of nasty prejudices and she’s utterly f'ucking mad, so she’d have to turn to British wildlife. Badgers? There’s plenty of jobs picking fruit but will they get off their furry arses? No. Don’t get her started on pond skaters, the freeloading bastards.

Cheese
On top of everything else, all these other unnecessary fripperies, you want to eat as well, do you? There is a cost-of-living crisis on, don’t you know? It’s just selfishness. It would probably be better for society if all the poor people starved to death, so maybe it’s a problem which will solve itself.

TY@TDM

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Scientologist condemns Tory supporters as ‘a bit creepy and gullible’​

A follower of the totally legitimate *cough cough* church of Scientology has condemned Tory supporters as ‘a bit creepy and gullible’.

Ree Ligus-Nutta, a man who believes that alien spirits live inside all humans, declared himself stunned at the credulity of Tory voters yesterday.

“These guys really believe this stuff about National Conservativism?” exclaimed a baffled Mr Nutta who had recently committed his current life and all future lives for a billion years to Scientology’s Sea Org.

“I mean, it’s nonsense. It’s clearly about exploiting the poorest to benefit the richest,” continued a man who’d recently spent $800 on an hour-long auditing session.

“And, man, these guys look totally creepy, I mean look at the eyes of some of this attendees at this event, and even the reaction to some of the speakers. They’re completely in their thrall, it’s like they’ve been completely brain-washed,” claimed Mr Williams, who harbours an ambition to one day become an Operating Thetan who can ’go exterior’ from his body.

“I’m going on a course next week that will teach me how to use my mind to move things and cure cancer,” he said excitedly.

“I can’t wait to tell all the other guys on the course how totally creepy and weird this whole ‘Tory’ thing is.

“I really hope it doesn’t catch on.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

“I am confident nothing untoward happened” – the top five creative ways to avoid an outright lie when you’re caught breaking the rules​

Breaking the law can be problematic, more so when you get caught attempting to use your political influence to mitigate your transgression.

So what can you say that won’t be later used as evidence of your lying?

Let’s be honest. You know you did something wrong, but right now, very few people can actually prove it. However, there is always the chance that evidence will emerge of exactly what you did, so any outright denial could be made to look like a ‘lie’ further down the road. And that would be costly.

It’s a tricky balancing act, but here are the top five ways to avoid a lie about you breaking the rules:

1. “I am confident nothing untoward happened”. Confidence is a funny thing. You can be confident before a sporting event. Confidence is essentially a probability – you could be wrong, but it’s unlikely. It provides the necessary wiggle room should something damaging come out later.
2. “I feel that the rules were followed”. Your feelings are yours and yours alone. No one can prove you don’t have those feelings, so making a claim based on how you feel will NEVER get you in trouble.
3. “I believe that I will be cleared of any wrongdoing”. Belief is a funny thing. Children believe in Santa, but they don’t get fired when it’s revealed Santa does not, in fact, exist.
4. “I did nothing no one else wouldn’t do”. Firstly, a treble negative is always helpful when obfuscating your meaning. People will spend so long deciding what you actually meant, that they will plausibly believe you meant the opposite if you ever have to pivot in the future.
5. “We should not let this distract from [insert politically charged issue here]”. Just avoid the question. Revert back to whatever issue gets you the most support, whether it’s demonising migrants, demonising the poor, or demonising trans people. Just focus on the demonising – everything else will take care of itself.
6. “The idea of right and wrong is arbitrary these days, do you not think?”. Cod philosophy is a great way of sounding smart to dumb people. And those dumb people will defend you to the hilt, including in the comments of this piece on social media. Go and check.

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

30p Lee Anderson praises Cruella Braverman for trying to arrange more lenient punishments for biological women drivers caught speeding​

30p Uselesslee Anderson, the wad of wet toilet paper, has praised Home Secretary Cruella ''That C.unt'' Braverman for trying to ensure biological women are safe when attending speed awareness courses.

Anderson, who has gone on record about his party’s need to turn absolutely everything into a culture war issue ahead of the next election, was said to be delighted after finding a way to turn Cunty Braverman’s current ethics issue into a trans issue.

He told reporters, “Did you know the speeding awareness course would have men in it? Where are all the safe spaces for women these days? This woke nonsense has to stop, and I, for one, praise Cruella for her attempts to make it safer for biological women who are caught speeding.

“If it were up to the wokerati trans lobby, she would have had to attend a ‘multi-sex’ speed awareness course, no doubt filled with all sorts of pronouns.

“Cruella has sucked many dick.s and bravely fought back against the wokerati, she deserves immense cum credit – even more so because she was willing to be a guinea pig for this new spaffing punishment, despite knowing it would have brought forth the ire of the trans wokerati.

“All the worst speeding offences are committed by trans people anyway.

“She is a hero. End of.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Basic humanity 101 and other awareness courses Cruella Braverman has skipped​

A Speed awareness course is not the only class where the home secretary decided it was easier to take the points.

There are other glaring holes in her education:

Basic Humanity 101
Graduates from this course are taught that refugees from war claiming asylum are not in fact criminals. Skipped by the last five home secretaries as even the faintest glimmer of compassion alienates them from Middle England and makes the requisite remorselessness impossible.

What Woke Really Means for Beginners
This crash course traces the word woke back to its African-American origins of ‘alertness to racial prejudices and discrimination’ rather than a label for anything that you don’t like that you’ve made up. Braverman did not attend but ironically appears on the course as a cautionary example.

Remedial Rwanda
Coupled with Introduction to Liberal Democracies, also skipped, students learn how Rwanda’s ruling Rwandan Patriotic Front suppresses civil liberties and silences political opponents through violence. Anyone whose final essay asserts that it is an ideal locale for Afghanis fleeing the Taliban will be graded as a fail.

Foundational Not Using A Personal Email For Work
An in-house Whitehall course that has so far scheduled Cruella six times and has yet to see her turn up, this explains that sending official documents from a personal email breaches ministerial code and is a resigning offence, being reappointed a week later is cheating, and conducting government business from [email protected] is unwise as nobody uses hotmail anymore.

How to Not Look Monstrous on Camera
Created by Downing Street’s press office specifically for Cruella with one-on-one tuition from top gurners, mirror-holders and exorcists, the home secretary has so far assumed that they must mean a different Suella as it’s a common name and anyway every photo of her ever taken shows her how she truly is inside so it’s fine.

Know Your Legal Rights
Braverman was last seen by this class in 2022 driving away at above the legal speed limit.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Tories set to go on the offensive as Labour immediately suspends MP accused of sexual harassment without first trying to promote him​

Labour is facing huge criticism from the Tory government after MP Geraint Davies was immediately suspended following allegations of sexual harassment without first attempting to cover it up, blame the women, girls, females, gays, lesbians, trans, immigrants, and downplay the whole thing, or trying to promote him.

Davies has been suspended following the allegations, with party officials urging any women affected to come forward so that a full investigation can take place.

Tory backbencher Ray Cyst told us, “Labour is setting a very dangerous precedent here. If we just go around suspending people pending investigation when they’re accused of doing something awful, where will we be?

“And what’s this call for further women who might have been affected to come forward? All that will do is lead to more women who were affected coming forward.

“This knee-jerk reaction will never lead anywhere good. Why didn’t they first try to promote him to chief whip? What happened to rehabilitation? The woke mob and their endless pursuit of justice will be the end of us all.

“Any MP accused of doing something awful should be free to continue doing their job without consequences until such time as they are found guilty in a court of law. And my opinion on this matter has nothing to do with the growing list of accusations being thrown at me by so many of my previous female assistants.”

Tory strategists have warned against making too big a deal out of the suspension, as highlighting the fact that the opposition is a party full of sexual predators is probably a thread they don’t want to pull at too hard.

TY@NT

 

[Moriarty]

Tory PM c'unt calls it ‘Unicorn Kingdom’ because all the benefits are imaginary​

All benefits are imaginary as we are a currency based economy.
That is true, in the same way that all currency is imaginary.
Money and Currency, very different things.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Snivelling whiny c.unt Boris Johnson has resigned as an MP after the Privileges committee found him to have misled parliament.

The law is finally catching up with the wise guys of the Tory party.

Goodfellows