A bear walks into a bar and says

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by funandflirty, Sep 18, 2020.

  1. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    Wicked if you dont want to read my drivel how about block me
     
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  2. xxwhite_dovexx

    xxwhite_dovexx Hello from Florida

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  3. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    Satire is an art that can often be lost in the written form.....
     
  4. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    Fyi - I actually copied your joke and sent it to a couple of people :)
     
  5. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    I expect money for that lol :)
     
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  6. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. He turns to her... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make love. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The woman says, "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."
     
  7. WickedPerdition

    WickedPerdition I NEED TO GROW UP

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    It is rarely found in any other form. You won't witness it any other form in UK Chat either.
    By the way, Words wouldn't know what satire is even if it kicked him in the Gorbals.
    :rolleyes:
     
  8. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    Au contraire, mon ami!

    I also have a smart mouth and quick wit and satire works well with that ..... however, the hippy in me comes out and I opt for kindness over cheap shots ;)

    you amuse me.... I think we’ll be friends :)

    I appreciate silliness, and silly jokes; feel free to contribute x
     
  9. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    Look wicked im not your type why dont you go pick on people your own type ( if you know what your type is)

    One thing thats certain your now one block bye loser
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2020
  10. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    I went into a store to buy some books about turtles.

    "Hardbacks?" asked the shopkeeper.

    “Yes," I replied. "And they have little heads, too."
     
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  11. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter....
    ... from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:


    370HSSV 0773H


    All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.


    One of the agents suggest Trump to ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
    Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down.
     
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  12. Billyliar

    Billyliar UKChat Familiar

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    My wife wanted to smuggle, a skunk in her jeans, on the plane home from australia.
    What about the smell she said?
    Dont worry, i said, he will get used to it..
     
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  13. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    Why don’t ants ever get sick?




    Because they have little anty bodies
     
  14. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
     
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  15. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy and says, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" The first fellow does just that. The next day, his buddy asks, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'"
     
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  16. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    After a particularly wild staff Christmas party, a man wakes up with a wicked hangover...
    He turns over and groans to his wife, "Oh, God! What the hell happened last night?"

    "You got drunk, of course, and made a goddamn fool of yourself in front of your boss!" his wife informs him.

    "Piss on that fuckin' guy," the man says.

    "You did. And he fired you," his wife answers.

    "Well, **** him!" the man replies.

    "I did. You go back to work on Monday morning."
     
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  17. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    "One fine sunny morning, the Irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool."

    "What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest."

    "Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

    "Really!" said the irish priest. "Please explain!"

    "Well, once upon a time I was a 12 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the local wicked witch. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, she turned me into this frog you see before you."

    "That's an incredible story." said the irish priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."

    "Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & warmth and with a good nights sleep I would wake up a boy once again."

    "Today's your lucky day!" said the irish priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The irish priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the irish priest awoke, he saw the 12-year-old boy beside him in bed,

    And that your honor is the case for the Defense.......
     
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  18. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?




    Phillipe Phillope
     
  19. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.
    Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.? I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
    Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7:00 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! "
    "So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"
    Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
    Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
     
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  20. Johnnyirish65

    Johnnyirish65 UKChat Newbie

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