A bear walks into a bar and says

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by funandflirty, Sep 18, 2020.

  1. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    “Give me a whiskey…................................................................................... and a cola.”


    “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure. I was born with them.”

    Hello ! so I’m new, and really bad at jokes
     
  2. WickedPerdition

    WickedPerdition I NEED TO GROW UP

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    Well, I'm so pleased you've introduced yourself with a joke.
    Your level of humour is way above the standards we are used to here, so that makes a pleasant change.
    So, that's the fun bit. I wonder how 'flirty' you will be and if it poses any problems.
    Just be prepared to used the 'block' facility should you be bombarded by unwelcome PMs.
    :)
     
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  3. Poco_Loco

    Poco_Loco ✪ Moderator Staff Member

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    Why was there only one Yogi Bear ?

    Cause when they tried to make a second they made a Booboo o_O
     
  4. Resolute

    Resolute UKChat Initiate

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    I'm out.

    I can't bear to read any more of this. One bad bear joke's barely finished before you get another one.
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2020
  5. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    It really is unbearable.....

    it’s ok, I’ll see myself out ‍♀️
     
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  6. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    I won’t let me ‘like’ the joke.... is that a sign it’s worse than mine :p
     
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  7. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    Hi, nice to virtually meet you (interesting choice of name by the way :)).
    I am indeed both fun and flirty, and never take the virtual world seriously, life is too short so I flit around spreading positive vibes and stuff xxx
     
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  8. Moriarty

    Moriarty UKChat Familiar

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    Was once taking a walk in the forest with my ex, I only had a 22 with me.
    But when that damned bear jumped out at us, it only took one shot.
    I hit my ex in the leg, slowed her down enough I got away :)
     
  9. SJ79

    SJ79 UKChat Newbie

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    Very good effort :)
     
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  10. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    I am indeed very trying :)
     
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  11. BizarreBabe

    BizarreBabe The Biz!

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    This thread is apawling
     
  12. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    The bear cheek of it :D
     
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  13. Billyliar

    Billyliar UKChat Familiar

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    Quasimodo, walks into bar, whiskey please he says,
    Bells ok, asked the landlord?
    Mind your own business said quasi.
     
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  14. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    :D

    A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. As he sits there, mulling over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, "That shirt looks great on you!”
    The man looks around, doesn’t see anything, and returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it. But then, a moment later, the voice returns, this time offering, “You seem like a really cool guy!”
    Again, the man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, wondering if he should get checked out by a professional. Finally, when his nerves have cooled and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, “I bet your parents are really proud of you!”
    He slams down his drink and looks around wildly. Frustrated and finding no possible source of the voice, he calls over the bartender. He says, “Hey barkeep! What’s that voice I keep hearing?”


    “Oh, those are the peanuts,” the bartender replies. “They’re complimentary.”
     
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  15. Wojcik

    Wojcik UKChat Expert

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    What do you call a bear without teeth? Gummy bear.
     
  16. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    What do you call an ant that has been shunned by his community?

    A socially dissed ant.
     
  17. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flyin around about six inches above the water. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal.”

    There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal.”

    There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal.”

    There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal.”

    There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal.”

    Then it all happened

    The fly dropped six inches

    The fish came up and caught the fly

    The bear came out and caught the fish

    The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich

    The mouse went for the sandwich

    The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond

    The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
     
  18. WickedPerdition

    WickedPerdition I NEED TO GROW UP

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    No, the 'valuable lesson' to be learnt here is not to read your incessant drivel. :rolleyes:
     
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  19. funandflirty

    funandflirty UKChat Familiar

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    Possibly the longest joke of all time!

    I laughed a lot.... if only the moral of the story were accurate
     
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  20. xxwhite_dovexx

    xxwhite_dovexx Hello from Florida

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    Beary good jokes ya'll lol
     
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