The Woke Thread

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

“Woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, snowflake, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke,” fumes Ray Cyst-Itis, 68¾.

“Woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, snowflake, snowflake, snowflake, cancel culture,” he rambles.

“Snowflake! Snowflake! Woke! Woke, woke, woke, woke. Cancel Culture. Cancel Culture. Woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke!

“Cancel Culture! Woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, Cancel Culture, snowflake. Snowflake? Woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke,” he continued, getting increasingly ragey.

“WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! Cancel Culture.

“Cancel Culture? Woke. Cancel Culture? SNOWFLAKE. SNOWFLAKE. SNOWFLAKE? SNOWFLAKE. Woke,” standing up and banging his keyboard with his fists.

“Woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, Cancel Culture,” he continued, his face becoming gammon red as his rage and fury increases.

“CANCEL CULTURE! CANCEL CULTURE! CANCEL CULTURE! WOKE! SNOWFLAKE! WOKE! CANCEL CULTURE!” Now just screaming, his voice hoarse and his fingers pounding across his keyboard.

“CANCEL CULTURE! WOKE! SNOWFLAKE!”

Finally, his ire spent, he slumps down on his sofa bed and smiles, exhaustedly. Used tissues in hand.

“Cancel Culture, woke, snowflake.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

WOKE 21 - GAMMONS: THEY WON'T WORK.

Numerous Brexiters are today criticising the EU for raising a load of workshy fops unwilling to come over here and pull pints and drive lorries for decent British patriots.

As the flag-shagging pro-Brexit gammons across the country bemoaned a lack of workers from the EU to help serve beer in their local and to drive produce to their shops, he fell short of blaming Brexit, and instead chose to highlight the lack of work ethic amongst those on the continent.

Polish engineering student Stanislas Symanski told us, “Is he taking the piss? I’m not allowed to come and work in the pubs, because of Brexit. It wasn’t my choice, it was yours – or more specifically, his.

“Sure, serving breakfast pints to ruddy-faced gentlemen who insist on talking about the war and how their grandad saved my great-grandad isn’t my ideal job, but a summer of that would have paid for my studies for at least a year. I learned not to mention that my great-grandad actually flew Spitfires with the RAF, because it took the very low probability of a tip down to absolutely zero.

“But now? Well, I’m not allowed to come over there and work, am I? And whose fault is that?”

Meanwhile, Bulgarian lorry driver Bodgan Williamsonivic said, “Well, we just don’t go to the UK these days, because all that extra Brexit red tape means we spent less time actually driving, which is less time earning – so it’s just easier just to stay working where it’s easy, right?”

It is estimated that since Brexit, the UK economy is now short of 180,000 workers in the catering and entertainment industry, and a further 70,000 in the logistics industry, figures many leading morons have hailed as an indication ‘Brexit is working’.

Meanwhile, British young people have been offered the chance of a lifetime to make up the shortfall by getting behind the bar of their local Wetherspoons.

21-year-old Jake Williams told us, “Pull pints in Wetherspoons and work for Worzel Gummidge? **** that. I’m aiming to be a social media influencer, thanks.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

WOKE 22 - BOOK A BUNCH OF PRlCKS​

Gammon half-wit drops his opposition to vaccine passport after learning it will be covered with Union flag​

The union flag could never be on the cover of something bad, according to a man who has changed his position on vaccine passports today.

Ray Cyst, 65, whose social media timelines are awash with conspiracy theories and desperately misleading fake news about coronavirus and vaccines in general, was vehemently opposed to the idea of a vaccine passport until he learned they would be covered with a union flag.

He told us, “Yes, until yesterday I was very much of the opinion that a vaccine passport was the very height of fascism, and that covid is actually nothing but the flu – however today I feel completely differently.

“I mean, the mere idea of brandishing a document with the union flag as a way to get into buildings and events feels incredibly patriotic, doesn’t it?

“Waving my vaccine passport would be like bowing to the queen, wouldn’t it? How can a vaccine passport be a bad thing if it has the union flag on the front?

“Make them compulsory I say!”

Cyst's views have been replicated across the gammon community, who have found it difficult to criticise anything that will have the nation’s flag on the front.

Fuh Kyng-Mowrun, 59, told us, “I can’t believe they have finally got me like this. It’s like they waited for me to spend months supporting anything and everything to do with the flag, only to then put it on something I really don’t like, all to make my brain hurt.

“I think the only thing that could possibly make my head hurt worse than this would be transgenders in union jack dresses.”

TY@DM

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

WOKE 23 - Hatred of 'woke' in inverse proportion to knowing what the f.uck 'woke' means​

The people who get the most angry at things they believe are ‘woke’ are those who are the most ignorant as to what 'being woke' means, it has emerged.

The term, which arose from African-American discourse to signify a greater awareness of racial prejudice and other social inequalities, has been seized on by idiots who think it means ‘anything I don’t like’.

Anti-woke campaigner Ray Cyst, 66, said: “Just a decade ago, this country was great. You could laugh at the disabled. Cross dressing weirdos knew their place. And sketch shows were still just about able to get away with racist blackface routines to which no one I know took offence.

“Then along came all this wokery, and we’re under the thumb of the likes of Kathy Burke, Gary Lineker, Marcus Rashford and all those other over-sensitive types who want to ruin my life by stopping me calling gay people ‘benders’ and telling me I couldn't be racist whenever I wanted to be!''

“Is that what I think it means? Yeah, maybe. It means all sorts of things. Nationalising sausages, compulsory sex changes, ordinary British people banned from driving their cars to the corner shop, all television programmes illegal except late night Channel 4 filth.

“To be honest, it doesn’t really matter what it means as long as I can get puce-faced with rage about some stuff I’ve made up in my head.”

TY@TDM

 

[Dropship]

Wokists are generally shallow snowflakes with no spiritual depth, so to fill that empty void within themselves they turn to other cockamamie beliefs like Wokism, Pol-correctism, and Liberalism as their "religion".



Empty heads attract demons like moths to a flame-

"When a demon arrives, it finds the house empty, swept clean and put in order.
Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there." Matt 12:43-45

 

[Dropship]

A person without any spiritual depth is like a ricketty wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble on life's road-

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Woke Disney cartoons harm my child’s development, insists man who is fine with them doing active shooter drills at elementary school​

A American man who is boycotting all things Disney because of the ‘psychological damage being done to children by their woke liberal agenda’ is perfectly happy that his daughter needs to practice active shooter drills at her elementary school.

Ima Mowrun, 48, has cancelled Disney+ and thrown out all Disney-related toys belonging to his 8-year-old daughter Scarlett.

He explained, “I can’t have her young impressionable mind being damaged by the leftist woke ideology clearly being promoted by Disney’s cartoons and films.

“Did you know woke Donald Duck doesn’t wear trousers, like some sort of pervert. And now, down in Florida they want all of our kids to be woke homosexuals. How they got away with it for this long, I’ll never know.

“I will do everything in my power to protect Scarlett from anything that could hurt her psychologically, and I mean anything. Even a cartoon that shows a young girl turning into a red panda while going through the perfectly normal process of puberty.”

However, Chuck doesn’t believe there is any issue with Scarlett participating in active shooter drills at her elementary school.

He went on, “Of course not; how can active shooter drills possibly be harmful? They are preparing her for real-life situations. Things that could really happen. Not disgusting things like wokeist puberty and having a crush on a boy.

“Just because every month, the school runs sessions where it tells the children to run and hide for their lives from a masked man who pretends to be there to try and kill them, doesn’t mean she will develop any sort of trauma-related psychological damage.

“You are comparing a young girl hiding under her desk from a masked man carrying a rifle to me taking her to a wokeist theme park that supports homosexuals. It is quite clear which of those is going to damage her the most, and if you can’t see it, then you probably need Jesus in your life.

“Look, in an ideal world, she wouldn’t have to do active shooter drills at all, but until the schools let these kids carry their own guns for protection, we don’t have much choice.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Wokeness made my cock and balls fall off​

An unnamed male chat forum user has told the harrowing story of how the modern fad for wokeism made his, aged and unused, cock and balls fall off.

“I just want everyone to know how dangerous this woke stuff is,” said Ray Cyst.

“I mean, the liberal elites like Gary Lineker think nothing of going on telly and spouting off their latest trendy views, but they don’t realise the impact it has on your normal working person. It makes their cock and balls off, is what it does.”

Mr Cysts’ ordeal began on a normal day, as he walked to work.

“I turned onto the high street, and there was this huge parade protesting about trans rights and BLM and immigrants and how everything should be woke. They were waving rainbow flags and singing songs about gay people.

“When they passed me, they all looked down their noses at me because I was just a normal white man, and then, when they’d all gone past, my cock and balls fell off.”

Despite the shock and discomfort of not having a cock and balls, medical experts are confident that they will be able to help.

“Yeah, the doctors say they should be able to sew it all back on, which is fine, as long as it’s not some sort of woke surgeon. If he takes the knee before doing the operation, then he can whistle.”

TY@NT

 

[Dropship]

Woke Disney cartoons harm my child’s development,​

“Did you know woke Donald Duck doesn’t wear trousers, like some sort of pervert...

And Mickey also seems to have upset some people-

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Free-speech moron reacting to pride flag in shop window like a vampire confronted with a cross​

A snivelling weakling who insists that free speech is the most fundamental aspect of any society, is today reacting like a vampire confronted by a cross whenever he sees a pride flag.

Ray Cyst, 70, who has fled all manner of shops and stores since pride month began, claims that his reaction to pride flags is not a sign of weakness, but of strength.

He told us, “Avoiding any and all businesses that choose to display a pride flag is not an example of cancel culture, which is just people trying to end things they don’t like, but of me choosing to withhold my business because that business doesn’t align perfectly with my personal values. It’s very different.

“If you can’t see how it’s different, then you probably don’t have a big brain like me.

“If I have to shop in ever more inconvenient places simply because I refuse to shop inside a store that won’t join me in ignoring the woke pride month, then so be it.

“And yes, it’s incredibly inconvenient, and getting ever more inconvenient by the day. But this is a mission that simply can not fail, I have tens of social media followers relying on me to show everyone that if you go woke, you go broke.

“Just like Nike, Disney and Anheuser Busch have all gone broke recently. I will take down my local Waitrose just like the rest of them.”

Meanwhile, many stores, bars and restaurants have begun hanging pride flags at the doors to their establishments in the hope of turning them into twat-free zones.

TY@TDM

 

[Dropship]

Yes, cancelling works both ways, for example I avoid buying products from shops and companies that support perversion..
And in everyday life I avoid sh**-for-brains lefties, snowflakes heathens and wackjobs like the plague..
"If you hang around with losers you become a loser"- Donald Trump
"What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?..Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord, I will be a Father to you, and you shall be my sons and daughters" (2 Corinthians 6:14-18 )
"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" (Proverbs 13:20)
"Bad company corrupts good character" (1 Corinthians 15:33)
"Thus saith the Lord, learn not the way of the heathen" (Jeremiah 10:2)

 

[Moriarty]

I could have a pride flag draping from my window without problem.
But if I display the St Georges Cross, the Red and White of England, thats problematic.

 

[Kev45]

THE South Yorkshire town of Cleckburton used to be a thriving industrial hub. Today its shops are boarded up and there are no jobs, hopes or prospects for its inhabitants.

The reason? The onslaught of wokeness, a process which began in the late 1970s and has since laid waste to the town.

Longtime resident Roy Hobbs said: “Back in the day this was a lovely place. People looked out for each other, chatted over their back fences and were casually racist about anyone not born within a ten-mile radius of the market square.

“And now it’s dead. My dad told me that it was the result of de-industrialisation and a lack of investment in the North by successive governments but it turns out he was wrong because the Daily Mail says it’s all down to wokeness.

“It was after the cancellation of The Black And White Minstrel Show in 1978 that the rot set in. Within a couple of years factories began to close. Then you got alternative comedians like Ben Elton and that confusing pop singer Boy George and the pit closures happened.

“Thatcher did her best trying to stop the gays, but she was outnumbered. Jimmy Somerville, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, The Pet Shop Boys. She didn’t stand a chance.”

For a while, Cleckburton stabilised. But then came 2015, Jeremy Corbyn and millennials. The scourge Cleckburton had been flighting all those years was identified as ‘wokeness’.

“Things had been ok. We’d had a welcome return to sexism in the shape of lad culture and you could still shout racial slurs at a match without being banned from the ground.

“Then this new wave of wokeness arrived. Statues thrown in rivers. Women doing the football commentary. Adverts with black people in them for no reason.

“And now it’s pronouns. They’ve caused absolute devastation across South Yorkshire, have pronouns. How much do they think we can take?

“According to the Mail, our only hope is that a Conservative government – who have historically always given a sh** about towns like ours – will level us up.


“And, given they’ve been in power since 2010, 13 years now, I’ve no doubt that help is just around the corner.”

 

[Kev45]

A MAN who is not an irredeemably awful arsehole is being praised as a ‘woke’ progressive.

Tom Booker meets the basic standards of decency by not pissing all over the toilet seat, farting in public or saying ‘banter’ unironically, yet is considered enlightened in comparison to other men.

Friend Wayne Hayes said: “Ugh, Tom’s so bloody woke. He doesn’t cheat on his wife and isn’t even angry that she earns more than him. Sorry we can’t all be social justice kings like you and Gary Lineker.

“And he really rubs it in by taking out the recycling every week, which is virtue signalling, and I’ve never heard him crack racist or homophobic jokes. Not even when he’s tired or drunk or a bit stressed.”

Booker’s wife Helen added: “He cares about social issues, gives to charity, and does an adequate job washing up. It’s so grating and performative. He even lets me come first when we shag. Like okay, we get it, you’re better than us.”

Booker himself said: “I tried to tell everyone that I’m borderline acceptable and not the second coming of Owen Jones, but they just sneered at my humblebrag. Considering punching a nun to get them off my case.”

 

[Kev45]

EXPERTS agree that your use of language says a great deal about whether you are a twat or not. Rate your vocabulary on our entirely scientific ‘twatometer’.

‘Wokery’
An even more tiresome way of saying ‘woke’, which is a fairly tedious subject by now anyway. Apart from sounding silly, it also marks you out as a regular reader of the Daily Telegraph.
Twatometer rating: 8

‘Rellies’
Why say this instead of ‘relatives’? It’s just an extra syllable. The amount of time you’re saving is negligible, and you’ll sound as if you’re speaking inauthentic dialogue from a bad play about loveable working class Liverpudlians.
Twatometer rating: 6

‘Moolah’
Like ‘bonking’, a term that has suffered a welcome decline in popularity. If you do use this term instead of the perfectly acceptable ‘money’ you are probably some knob who loves talking endlessly about your buy-to-let activities.
Twatometer rating: 9

‘Wee’
You are not three. You are talking to adults. Spare us your teeth-grating whimsy. The word is ‘piss’, a fine Anglo-Saxon term which has served us well since the days of King Egbert.
Twatometer rating: 7

‘Boris’
For the millionth time, he’s not ‘Boris’, he’s Boris Johnson, or, more correctly, Alexander Johnson. He is not a big cuddly teddy bear, he is a ruthlessly ambitious human with some odd ideas about what constitutes ethical behaviour.
Twatometer rating: 10

 

[Dropship]

Cleckburton....Longtime resident Roy Hobbs said: “Back in the day this was a lovely place........

Yeah same with many other Brit towns and cities, BUT it's the people's fault for consistently voting useless Tory / Labour governments into power over many years.
If only the Brit people had voted for the National Front and British National Party, there'd never have been any problems at all.
Nationalists (below) are the backbone of England but sadly they're outnumbered by the mushbrained masses-




My own conscience is quite clear, here's my BNP membership card..-

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

One day your questionable views may become celebrated. Look at Ricky Tomlinson... he was in the National Front for two years, now he's a national treasure! It's a funny old world.
btw. He explained away that two year sabbatical reasoning that in those days he was "politically naive".

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Wokety Woker Wokeness Woke 27

Woke mob still demanding everyone use new pronouns in national anthem​

Twelve months on from the death of Queen Elizabeth, so-called “progressives” are still insisting everyone change the pronouns for our national anthem in the latest in a series of outrages against common sense and traditional values.

As if the obscene privilege of being allowed to live freely under their own identity was not enough, woke terrorists are demanding that our time-honoured patriotic hymn adopt “he/him” pronouns and masculine titles, in defiance of seventy years of tradition.

“It was bad enough when that singer or actor who I never heard of decided to be a they/them, or something, but this is taking things TOO far,” said local patriot Ray Cyst, whilst affixing a large plastic poppy to his van in September.

“Our special song is about a bird and you can’t change that just because some numpty with a gender studies degree got ‘offended’. Simple as. End of. FACT.”

When approached for comment on this affront to biological reality, Head Of Royal Protocol Jemima Fotheringham-Smythe tellingly responded, “What on Earth are you blathering on about?

“Surely you cannot be serious. Please, leave me alone, I am extremely busy at the moment.”
TY@NT