Jokes here please

Discussion in 'General' started by MatUre, Feb 8, 2019.

  1. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    Velcro - what a rip-off!
     
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  2. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    If you cross an owl and a rooster, do you get a cock that stays up all night?
     
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  3. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    Ok Dr what is the news.

    Dr: There's some good news and bad news;

    The good news is that your laughter lines are going to fade quite quickly




    After I tell you the bad news.
     
  4. SuperNova

    SuperNova UKChat Familiar

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  5. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a ****, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
     
  6. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    Owls always look like they just saw a penis for the first time.
     
  7. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    She gave me an Australian kiss. It's the same as a French kiss, but down under.
     
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  8. Wojcik

    Wojcik UKChat Expert

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  9. SuperNova

    SuperNova UKChat Familiar

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  10. megs233

    megs233 UKChat Familiar

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    12573860_994701297278516_6722701219162593658_n.jpg
     
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  11. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    Mummy, did Adam and Eve have a date before they got together?

    No, it was definitely an apple if you read your bible properly.
     
  12. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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  13. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming.
     
  14. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    What do you call a woman who is paralysed from the waist down? Married.
     
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  15. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    Man: Doctor I want to live to be 110
    Doctor:
    Do you smoke?
    No
    Do you drink?
    No
    Do you like chocolate?
    No
    Do you have sex frequently with many women?
    No
    So why would you want to live to 110?
     
  16. SuperNova

    SuperNova UKChat Familiar

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  17. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    Good one SuperNova
    :p:p:p
     
  18. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    I went for a cheap circumcision - what a rip-off that was!
     
  19. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    Men are like public toilets - the good ones are taken and the rest are full of crap.
     
  20. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    This guy goes to the chemist with his young son. As they walk past the condom display, the boy notices them and asks his Dad, "What are these, Dad?"

    The man doesn't believe in hiding things from his son and thinks his son is old enough to learn about such things so he says, "They are called condoms. Men use them for safe sex."

    The boy looks at the display and notices there are packs of three condoms. He points to them and says, "Why are there three in those packets?"

    The Dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys - there's one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."

    "Cool!" says the boy, who then notices there are packs of six condoms and asks his Dad, "Then who are the packets of six for?"

    The Dad answers, "Those are for university students. There are two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday."

    "Wow!" said the boy, "Then who uses THESE?" as he picked up a twelve-pack.

    The Dad sighs sadly and says, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March ...
     
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