Jokes here please

Discussion in 'General' started by MatUre, Feb 8, 2019.

  1. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    Q. Bill has 50 snickers bars
    He eats 23, gives 2 to his sister and 1 to his Mum and 1 to his girlfriend.
    He later eats 23 bars.
    What does Andy have now.
    Scroll down for the answer






















    A. Diabetes
     
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  2. megs233

    megs233 UKChat Familiar

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    was not andy eating them was Bill
     
  3. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    Andy is Bill's nick name.
     
  4. megs233

    megs233 UKChat Familiar

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    dont try to kid an oldie cause you wont win
     
  5. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    Two cannibals are eating a clown
    One asked the other " Does this food taste funny to you"
     
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  6. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    One snowman to another
    "Can you smell carrots?"
     
  7. megs233

    megs233 UKChat Familiar

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    Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
     
  8. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I think it's so sweet. Then I think why would people bring a knife on a date?
     
  9. megs233

    megs233 UKChat Familiar

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    When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body. Then I was born.
     
  10. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    It is wonderful to wake up in the morning with someone cuddling you. Unless you happen to be in prison.:(
     
  11. megs233

    megs233 UKChat Familiar

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    I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister
     
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  12. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    Farting in lifts is wrong on so many levels.
     
  13. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    “I was very naive sexually. My first boyfriend asked me to do missionary and I buggered off to Africa for six months."
     
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  14. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance
     
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  15. LondonGuy

    LondonGuy Can't Stop! Won't Stop! Complaining!

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    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
     
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  16. LondonGuy

    LondonGuy Can't Stop! Won't Stop! Complaining!

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    A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"
     
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  17. LondonGuy

    LondonGuy Can't Stop! Won't Stop! Complaining!

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    Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!
     
  18. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    What to do if your man starts smoking.
    Slow down and consider using a lubricant.
     
  19. MatUre

    MatUre UKChat Newbie

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    What is the difference between the G Spot and a golf Ball?
    Men will spend 5 minutes looking for a golf ball.
     
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  20. BlackMagicBabeXx

    BlackMagicBabeXx UKChat Familiar

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    I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.
     
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