Do you believe in marriage for life?

[Percy666]

I agree with the poster stating that marriage was created from a bygone era where religion played a major role in peoples lives and it was considered abnormal to "live in sin" ie partners living together not married.

That said, if someone subscribes to the idea of marriage, I can't understand why multiple partners would be preferable as it makes a mockery of vows.. I don't believe the idea of getting married will be as relevant to future generations as taking oaths/vows in church when the vast majority dont attend churches in normal life is illogical and hypocritical. The counter argument would be of people marrying in registry offices but other than some kind of financial security provided by marriage what's the point?

 

[Brass]

THE REASONING.

"Have you given thought to having sex with me."

"Yes."

"And?"

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not going to betray my husband."

"But aren't you betraying yourself if you don't do as you wish and have what you want?"

"Life isn't about pleasing yourself at the expense of others. That would be selfish."

"So if I understand you correctly, you're saying that if someone tells you that it will displease and hurt them if you decide to have what you want, then it's your responsibility to see that they remain pleased while you remain displeased? That sounds all one sided to me, and not at all conducive to anyone's happiness."

"Look, I made a commitment and took a vow. That means something to me."

"Yeah, and how old were you when you took that vow? Did you understand the world back then? Did you understand yourself and what you really wanted?"

"You think I don't love my husband?"

"I know you love him. But I think that, like everyone else, you've been conditioned to believe that there are terms to love that are written in stone. But there's not. There's just the way that relationships have been set up to prevent anyone from stepping off the tracks. A penalty for stepping off the tracks is well established and enforced by society. The truth is, there were never any tracks. The tracks are a myth. And so you won't have what you want because you believe that there's a hostage whose emotional wellbeing you have to consider. And that hostage is your husband."

"What do you mean my husband is a hostage?"

"I mean that there's something you want, but if you reach for it and enjoy it, and someone finds out, it means that your husband's perception of reality and his sense of security will be devastated. So, basically, you're kept from what you want because you have to protect the feelings and perceptions of another because their expectation is that you respect their expectation of you."

"No, you're mistaken if you think that we should all get everything we want. You just don't have any discipline when it comes to this kind of thing."

"But now you're using the concept of discipline as a way to accuse me of being a victim of my desires. But really, you're trying to justify denying yourself something that you want. Discipline is something applied to the practice of something; something like karate or chess or music. It has nothing to do with denying yourself something you want that will not hurt you."

"But you used discipline to stop drinking and smoking and drugging. So why was discipline a good thing in that case, but a bad thing in this case?"

"Because with chess and guitar I was acquiring a skill and an ability. And it's the same with the smoking and drinking. I wasn't using my discipline to stop smoking and drinking. I was using it to acquire health and wellbeing. Are you looking at sexuality like you look at smoking or drinking or drugging? Do you think you're gaining health and wellbeing by withholding a sexual experience from yourself?"

"You're letting yourself be ruled by logic so that you can gratify your base desires. But like with most things in life, sexual issues are not black and white, and neither are relationships."

"Well it sounds like you've called it . . . black."

"You see it that way because you're not getting what you want."

"And you choose to see it your way despite not getting what you want. So how about it?"

"Well, okay. But just this once."

 

[WickedPerdition]

I appreciate that people who have been married for a very long time do have something very special. I'm on my second marriage and occasionally compare it to my first. I have no idea If I'll ever marry again, but for me, it is nice experiencing married life with different partners.

I have to agree with another contributor on this subject regarding your options in the poll. You offer only two options and both, oddly enough, focus on 35 years. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that, that figure was highly significant to you.
I was not surprised that more women than men offered an opinion. They seem to love to talk about failed relationships for some obscure reason.
Personally, I think that some people stay together out of convenience, for whatever reason that suits them, and therefore marriage is just a token.
I suppose 'never say never' applies to anything humans do, so we can never rule out that we might make the same mistakes over and over again.
The romantic in me says 35 years with the same person would be ideal, but the realistic in me says that 35 years is a statistical improbability.
As an aside: I love the notion my mother posed on many occasions : 'which spouse do you get to, or decide to, live with in Heaven'?
Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

 

[moonlightshadow]

I got married in September to my partner of nine years, if I wasn't sure it was for life I would have never married! That said if my partner ever became unhappy, I would want them to be able to leave and find happiness with someone else.

 

[hell2bwith76]

I got married in September to my partner of nine years, if I wasn't sure it was for life I would have never married! That said if my partner ever became unhappy, I would want them to be able to leave and find happiness with someone else.

Good luck and i hope you have many happy years with your partner.

 

[silentfem]

to me marriage is legal prostitution as a wife never receives a wage

 

[megs233]

to me marriage is legal prostitution as a wife never receives a wage

Prostitutes get paid . joint accounts !!!!

 

[Bad_Influence]

to me marriage is legal prostitution as a wife never receives a wage

Neither does the husband.

 

[Wojcik]

You get good and bad marriages. There can be a huge fallback financially if things go horribly wrong, but on the whole of it i see it as a team, two people who have shared responsibilities and can lessen the burdens of life. So i think marriage to the right person is a good thing.
On the economic side of things, in America for example, a single woman who earns $50,000 a year, can not afford her retirement by retirement age, which means if she was married she would be able to achieve it due to an increased income if married.

 

[hell2bwith76]

One of the main marriage vows is " until death us do part" which in my view means for life.

 

[Wojcik]

One of the main marriage vows is " until death us do part" which in my view means for life.

It's a commitment. It's about personal responsibility and accountability. This is why i don't think marriage is a bad thing. It's usually demonised by those who have experienced it based of their own experiences, which is understandable, but the whole concept of it is wholesome at first glance, especially of those marriages that do work.

 

[Moriarty]

People tend to get wrapped up in their own happiness.
If they have kids, stable families are preferable.
I know, there's many capable single parent families, usually with strong father figures.
However you can debate the data on behaviour issues and long term success from single parent families until your blue in the face.
It's politically incorrect these days to do so and gets you labelled.
Yet give a politician a mic and they always say "Think of the children" for anything but the retention of family values.

 

[Clarity]

The traditional marriage vows go back a very long time when divorce was either not allowed or frowned upon so you had no choice but to stay in dreadful marriage and be miserable for the rest of your life. Society now accepts things do change and divorce is an option. I think most people do go into a marriage thinking this is for life otherwise why do it? People change as a result of circumstances and that for life becomes unbearable or not possible. When I got married I changed my vows and removed the obey but did keep til death do us part as I thought it was for life!

 

[hell2bwith76]

The traditional marriage vows go back a very long time when divorce was either not allowed or frowned upon so you had no choice but to stay in dreadful marriage and be miserable for the rest of your life. Society now accepts things do change and divorce is an option. I think most people do go into a marriage thinking this is for life otherwise why do it? People change as a result of circumstances and that for life becomes unbearable or not possible. When I got married I changed my vows and removed the obey but did keep til death do us part as I thought it was for life!

And was it ? ( for life i mean ).

 

[Clarity]

And was it ? ( for life i mean ).

It most certainly wasn't and I have no intentions of getting married again.

 

[Miss_Understanding]

I don’t believe marriage should be forever. I think you should get married wanting it to be forever, but I don’t think anyone should be in an unhappy marriage, life is too short for that sh**.

 

[Words]

Well i done well 49 years now married 50 this year .

Do i regret it big no

We lots in common and we get on well .

Its like a job but you dont get retired

Grass is not always greener on the other side

 

[jillxx]

I walked away from a 40 year old marriage ,with just what i stood up in .It was a struggle for about a year adjusting and fighting for my financial rights. I stayed mostly for the my children. It was not apparent to me that i was being controlled for many years until so many folk pointed it out to me after my divorce . My advice would be to anyone who is an a loveless marriage regardless of the children. Be brave walk away .I do not think one marriage is for life .

 

[hell2bwith76]

I think far too many people are looking for the "perfect" partner and expecting too much from that person for ever. The good looking men are going to get women chasing after them ,even if, married and vice versa. Just my opinion.

 

[Miss_Understanding]

I walked away from a 40 year old marriage ,with just what i stood up in .It was a struggle for about a year adjusting and fighting for my financial rights. I stayed mostly for the my children. It was not apparent to me that i was being controlled for many years until so many folk pointed it out to me after my divorce . My advice would be to anyone who is an a loveless marriage regardless of the children. Be brave walk away .I do not think one marriage is for life .

This is good advice, I’m glad you’re happier now xox