dating, online friendship

[RedBull]

Meet at your own Risk, sometimes it's just nice to know someone really good rather than being desperate to meet someone for whatever you think can meet them for, I know that some may meet for the sake of meeting to get somerhing and others may rather meet after knowing someone really good and a long time.
Also why is everyone desperate to know whos meeting who , is it to save time to see who meets then easier to try meet them also, Just arrange privately I think is best; when I meet...... I mean if I ever meet someone I would keep it to myself

 

[Whiskers]

Best way to keep things to yourself

 

[FlatLined]

Not that I'm encouraging it ... but there is a one valuable, personal attribute that could come in useful if you were to embark upon such a trifle.
It's called discretion. Sadly, too few people seem to be able to use it in the chat rooms and the Forum, not to mention PMs.
What you say in a chat room, a Forum thread or even a PM can be 'used as evidence against you'. So, tread very carefully.

I am very careful, is that what happened to you?

 

[FlatLined]

I have my Covid jabs is that the same

 

[Dolores]

Online dating simply means

"I cant find someone in real life so I'll take my chances with folks who can tell me anything without me knowing if its true".

Not necessarily. Sometimes you don't have time to socialise and date, and yeah I do mean socialise, cause it's a skill

 

[Mike2012]

Not necessarily. Sometimes you don't have time to socialise and date, and yeah I do mean socialise, cause it's a skill

See, id take you for a drink if you'd like

 

[Dolores]

Is that an attempt of socialising ?

 

[Mike2012]

Is that an attempt of socialising ?

Terrible attempt I know, but its the thought that counts

 

[Dolores]

Terrible attempt I know, but its the thought that counts

Always...and thanks

 

[Moriarty]

Not necessarily. Sometimes you don't have time to socialise and date, and yeah I do mean socialise, cause it's a skill

Depends on how you define Socialise

You socialise a dog by taking it to puppy training so it doesnt snap at other dogs when walking with its owner.
You socialise an adult by teaching it as a child with play, with winning and losing, with compromise.

Socialising is what makes one able to date, it defines the acceptable and respected behaviours which make society work.

Thats not a skill, unless you weren't socialised or were badly treated as a child.
Then it's fun, dangerous, beguiling and ultimately destructive.

But fun, dangerous and destructive are always going to keep one on ones toes, hence more meaningful when a change does occur.
It's why a lot of women date "Dangerous" men, they hope to have the beast available, but on demand

The same with men, "mostly" they want "An Angel in the kitchen, a Lady in the Living Room and a w**** in the Bedroom".

Socialised means safe.. Who wants that?

People with bad experiences, sure, they have reason to change how they think.

Insecurity about oneself and ones own emotional strength, again, they may fall prey to dominent partners, but many are stronger than they think and want something else, they just cant identify it with conviction.

Hit a lot of stereotypes here.
They are stereotypes for a reason.

As for Chat, everyone here is broken to some extent or another, they dont find all the required satisfaction IRL.
For some, we do it because its easier than talking IRL.
Or we dont have time.
Perhaps we have been hurt before and find the anonymity a safety net.
Or we are testing the waters to see we have the confidence for the real world dating scene.
Some just come here to have fun, some even when in a happy relationship.

In the end, conversation, talking to people, whatever the format or reasoning is why people come here.
Perhaps it acclimatises or (and I hate to admit the use of the word this way) "Socialises" us to a changing world

 

[CrazyCatLady]

Depends on how you define Socialise

You socialise a dog by taking it to puppy training so it doesnt snap at other dogs when walking with its owner.
You socialise an adult by teaching it as a child with play, with winning and losing, with compromise.

Socialising is what makes one able to date, it defines the acceptable and respected behaviours which make society work.

Thats not a skill, unless you weren't socialised or were badly treated as a child.
Then it's fun, dangerous, beguiling and ultimately destructive.

But fun, dangerous and destructive are always going to keep one on ones toes, hence more meaningful when a change does occur.
It's why a lot of women date "Dangerous" men, they hope to have the beast available, but on demand

The same with men, "mostly" they want "An Angel in the kitchen, a Lady in the Living Room and a w**** in the Bedroom".

Socialised means safe.. Who wants that?

People with bad experiences, sure, they have reason to change how they think.

Insecurity about oneself and ones own emotional strength, again, they may fall prey to dominent partners, but many are stronger than they think and want something else, they just cant identify it with conviction.

Hit a lot of stereotypes here.
They are stereotypes for a reason.

As for Chat, everyone here is broken to some extent or another, they dont find all the required satisfaction IRL.
For some, we do it because its easier than talking IRL.
Or we dont have time.
Perhaps we have been hurt before and find the anonymity a safety net.
Or we are testing the waters to see we have the confidence for the real world dating scene.
Some just come here to have fun, some even when in a happy relationship.

In the end, conversation, talking to people, whatever the format or reasoning is why people come here.
Perhaps it acclimatises or (and I hate to admit the use of the word this way) "Socialises" us to a changing world

That told her, Moriarty! Lmao

I'm now absolutely terrified to get the psychodynamic theories of 'projection' and 'transference' mixed up in a future post, in case I get the cane like Dolores did!

 

[Moriarty]

That told her, Moriarty! Lmao

I'm now absolutely terrified to get the psychodynamic theories of 'projection' and 'transference' mixed up in a future post, in case I get the cane like Dolores did!

I thankfully still sense a little sarcasm in that post even in my drunken stupor
Thank you for pointing out my own biases, which of course are numerous and well described.
We are what we were born to be, however indifferent to life, however floundered by its pre-conceived description or reality.
We are who we are.

btw, nice catch

 

[CrazyCatLady]

I thankfully still sense a little sarcasm in that post even in my drunken stupor
Thank you for pointing out my own biases, which of course are numerous and well described.
We are what we were born to be, however indifferent to life, however floundered by its pre-conceived description or reality.
We are who we are.

btw, nice catch

Moriarty, I genuinely like you, because on a level of depth, I believe I have found a peer. However, even I don't get the post you have written here. I'd love to take responsibility for pointing out someone's bias (I have a habit of pointing things out that people really don't want me to!), but I haven't got a clue what you mean!
Do I need a couple of white rums for this conversation?

 

[Moriarty]

Moriarty, I genuinely like you, because on a level of depth, I believe I have found a peer. However, even I don't get the post you have written here. I'd love to take responsibility for pointing out someone's bias (I have a habit of pointing things out that people really don't want me to!), but I haven't got a clue what you mean!
Do I need a couple of white rums for this conversation?

If your a peer, you will figure it out.
You did in another post today, which I replied to.
People are simple, who we think they are is complicated.

Edit..
People tend to think they are more complex than they are.
Needs = Desires = Personality.
Each as individual as the person, but......

 

[Wojcik]

Can you get a preliminary mental health check on someone you might think about meeting? there are some unique people on here.

What about a proven DBS check before dating? Perhaps multiple references attached to a CV and cover letter, confirming what a wonderful person they are and why you should date them.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

If your a peer, you will figure it out.
You did in another post today, which I replied to.
People are simple, who we think they are is complicated.

Edit..
People tend to think they are more complex than they are.
Needs = Desires = Personality.
Each as individual as the person, but......

I've looked at this half a dozen times and still not sure what you're saying! You don't make sense (completely- a little, maybe).

"People tend to think they are more complex than they are"- very true, yet at the same time they are more than what they think they are (i.e.: Johari's Window) and most do not have insight into their own thoughts and behaviours and personality, in general.
"Needs= Desires =Personality" oh, come on! You're better than that, Moriarty! Personality itself is not the complex phenomenon, but how that personality came to be, is. Your 'equation' doesn't take into consideration the populations who put the needs and desires of others or human existence above all other needs (e.g. Buddhist Monks, missionaries). Although it can be argued that the existential need to make a lasting impression on the world can be at the centre of their actions (effectively, altruism, although not a true form as that does not exist in humans).

Now, I'll work out the other post. Lol

 

[CrazyCatLady]

I thankfully still sense a little sarcasm in that post even in my drunken stupor
Thank you for pointing out my own biases, which of course are numerous and well described.
We are what we were born to be, however indifferent to life, however floundered by its pre-conceived description or reality.
We are who we are.

btw, nice catch

I don't agree and neither did John Locke. I'm very much in the Tabula Rasa camp. We are what we are conditioned to be and although not as strong as the conditioning in childhood, experiences and increasing our knowledge continues to change us.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

What about a proven DBS check before dating? Perhaps multiple references attached to a CV and cover letter, confirming what a wonderful person they are and why you should date them.

You can actually get checks undertaken, if you believe someone you are in a relationship with has been convicted of sexual offences and/or domestic abuse- Claire's Law and Sarah's Law.
Oddly though, if a bloke is screaming 'I wanna be sure she ain't mental, before I date her', I see it as projection. He's generally the one with the problem.

 

[Anonymous1]

hello, has anyone met yet?

Yes, just now and you.

 

[WickedPerdition]

Yes, just now and you.

Only ONE reaction to that ......
and ... may the Lord be with you.