UK countryside traditions

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

What weird countryside tradition will twats near you be doing this year?​

Britons love traditional activities like torching a policeman in a giant wicker man.

Which barmy pursuits will your local folk be doing this year?

Cheese rolling
If the idea of risking life and limb chasing a wheel of cheese down a near-vertical gradient is for you, then go to Cooper’s Hill near Gloucester and compete against lunatics and masochists from all over the world. Don’t worry if you realise you’ve got something else on that day and can’t make it: simply step out into busy traffic to achieve the same number of broken bones.

Nettle eating
Would you enter a competition to see who could swallow the most wasps? No. So why do it with the garden weed equivalent? Two teams race to consume a large amount of prickly foliage, presumably ending up with horrifically swollen faces. At least it takes place on a cider farm so you can drink the pain away afterwards.

Black pudding throwing
During the Wars of the Roses the soldiers ran out of ammunition, but rather than simply stopping fighting they threw their lunches at each other instead, like twats. In Ramsbottom, the townsfolk have kept the memory of this noble event alive by competing to knock Yorkshire puddings off a twenty foot plinth by throwing black puddings at them. It will surprise no one that this is a pub-based event for English people.

Tar barrel carrying
Fancy hoisting a barrel of burning tar onto your back and racing a fellow mentalist up and down a street in the dark? Well, you can in Ottery Saint Mary. Why you would is another matter, but presumably it’s because you’re so shitfaced that you’ve lost all sense of reason and any instinct for self-preservation.

Shin kicking
Since 1612, usually sane people in Chipping Campden have been filling their pants with straw, embracing and then kicking the sh** out of each other with steel toe-capped boots. The winner of this traditional Cotswolds mating ritual is the one left standing after the other competitor’s leg bones have been reduced to mere splinters and they collapse.

via ~ DailyUpHellyAa

 

[breakwake_]

Obby 'Oss festival, Helston Flora Day and Darkie Day, a few days that thankfully still survive and haven't been killed off by the urbanites who like forcing their genocidal ways on others. How about crying your neck? Some traditions are being resurrected which means us simple country people can be proud of ourselves again. We natives, yocals and nimby's are a stubborn bunch, our Anglophobia doesn't make any sense does it?

I think that our traditions are much better than the great English tradition of killing off local industries and replacing them with tourism, which forces us disobedient locals to rely on handouts from those forcing their ways upon us and forces others away from their homes to move somewhere else more affordable. We have a fairly new tradition of calling city dwellers who move to the countryside rapists because they rape the land and culture for the sake of their pretty view. What are we, colonies?

Not many people know why we ask someone if they've cut their hand either and I'm not going to be divulging it. I'm loyal to my cultures tradition of being a secretive race. Other traditions, home leases used to be granted in lifetimes not years and if you could build a home in one night on a plot of land then you didn't have to pay rent to the landowner, for a few years. I've not got far into that particular book.

 

[SamBally]

It was a SATIRICAL post, harmlessly taking the piss out of traditional countryside pursuits.

Economic stagnancy has been happening down in Cornwall and Devon since the decline of mining but certainly, full steam ahead since Thatcher. Is happening ALL over the UK and even globally. As workers move to urban areas to seek work. 2nd home-owning 'townies' pricing locals out of the housing market and local economies reliant on tourism.

Yet it is the "woke" who the rural population personally despises, who are constantly fighting for the rights of minority groups, including a campaign where local housing departments in Cornwall and Devon were lobbied to more frequently apply Local Occupancy Restrictions to restrict 2nd homeowners.

I do NOT see the logic in constantly belittling people with "woke" and snowflake" insults when if fact it is THOSE people who get off their arses to fight causes no one else is willing to.

Not only did Cornwall vote to leave the EU, but they also vote Tory. They vote for rampant neoliberalism that has torn their communities apart and then scratch their heads in bewilderment as to why.

Edited: Removed OP because I did not mean the actual author of this thread.

 

[breakwake_]

I don't see the point in any argument, all that does is divide us further. I understood the post was supposed to be satire but I doubt the OP understands the animosity we country people feel towards city people who have always looked down upon us as simpletons. All city people appear to see is the monetary value of the countryside while natural country folk see the countryside for what it is. I prefer the country traditions, they unite the communities that take part.

Yes Cornwall voted to leave the EU but many Cornish patriots wanted to remain because of the EU funding although Cornwall never got to decide where the funding was spent. Yes we vote Tory but for some inexplicable reason we always appear to vote for the worse possible outcomes, something which I know leaves many scratching their heads as to why. We did vote against the creation of the Unitary Authority though but got it thrust upon us anyhow and now we've got the Devolution Deal which says we need a Mayor to be devolved more powers, even though Cornwall already has a seperate Devolution Deal which supposedly gives Cornwall as much power as Manchester. Getting straight answers which don't contradict one another is a rare deal here though. Its a rare deal to get any answer.

Yes I did say I agree with you.

 

[SamBally]

Yes I did say I agree with you.

This isn't about petty bickering on an internet forum.

It's about working-class people understanding we have more in common with each other than with the ruling elite that is wholly reliant on their own existence by keeping us divided.

I live in a semi-rural area and in an area that would also quite happily vote for independence to escape the yoke of Westminster.

Where most people who work, travel reasonable distances to that work.

Even austerity cutbacks in local transport, which might not seem important to an urban townie, have a disastrous impact.

When hundreds of billions are spent on infrastructure in London and the surrounding areas and where we can't even afford to fill in potholes or keep public libraries open.

It's ALL a right-wing neoliberal con, protecting countryside traditions that would still exist anyway.

'Vote Tory and we will support your right to chase a dead hedgehog down a slope and so long as you don't mind us buying up all your nice cottages and creating a boom and bust seasonal economy you will be wholly dependant on in local economies. While we pop down there occasionally from London for the weekend in our 4 x 4 or make a small fortune renting those houses out to tourists who can afford the 1,000 + weekly rental.'

Take the harmless "Darkie Day" as an example, 100% it might be offensive to Black and ethnic minority communities, and if it is, just change the damn name to something more suitable for a multi-cultural society in the 21st century.

Voting Tory just to protect a tradition like "Darkie Day" is as ludicrous as it sounds because the Tories do NOT give a damn about those people or their communities.

"Yes we showed them woke lefties, we fought for "Darkie Day" and won, now if only we had a reasonably paid job and some savings so we can buy a house in the village or town or area we grew up in."

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Latest UKIP billboard targets new Cornish minorities​

The latest billboard from UKIP has outlined the dangers of welcoming Cornish minorities into the rest of England.

Just hours after an announcement confirmed the Cornish as an official minority in the UK, UKIP unveiled its latest billboard designed to make you scared of them.

A UKIP spokesperson explained, “People have to realise that the unrestricted movement of Cornish people in the rest of England is a very real threat to your way of life.”

“Have you thought about the Cornish person who wants your job, or to bed your wife, or to murder you in your sleep – these are the key issues that those in Westminster simply want to ignore.”

“Well not here at UKIP. We are well aware of the very real things that you are scared of, and we will leave no penny unspent in suggesting minorities and immigrants are definitely the biggest cause of those things you are scared of.”

“The Cornish have only been a minority for about four hours, but already they are stealing, raping and pillaging – and if you don’t believe us we have the billboards to prove it.”

UKIP target Cornish​

UKIP supporter Kriz Tofpphur told us he’d been shocked by the latest billboard, and was incredibly grateful to UKIP for the warning about the Cornish.

He told us, “I’ve lived next door to one of these ‘Cornish’ for years, but only today I find out he’s actually a minority just here to steal jobs from us indigenous English folk.”

“I’m disgusted. So disgusted in fact that I threw dog sh** at his windows this morning.”

“It’s the only language these minorities understand.”

via ~ DailyPastie

 

[SamBally]

Lol, I gave him the benefit of the doubt for defending his county and his way of life so passionately then out of curiosity I googled "Darkie Day".

Although the origin was harmless enough, it transformed from traditional Cornish folksongs into Minstrel songs imported from America that are something else altogether and inappropriate in the modern multicultural UK.

IMO of course.

On a cold and frosty morning my Uncle Neddy died,
And he died many years ago.
He had no woolly on the toppy of his head
In the place where the woolly ought to go.
Up with the shovel and a ee-aye-oh
And down with the shovel and the hoe.
There's no more work for the poor old man
He's gone where the good n****rrrs go, aye oh
He's gone where the good n****rrrs go.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Lol, I gave him the benefit of the doubt for defending his county and his way of life so passionately then out of curiosity I googled "Darkie Day".

Although the origin was harmless enough, it transformed from traditional Cornish folksongs into Minstrel songs imported from America that are something else altogether and inappropriate in the modern multicultural UK.

IMO of course.

On a cold and frosty morning my Uncle Neddy died,
And he died many years ago.
He had no woolly on the toppy of his head
In the place where the woolly ought to go.
Up with the shovel and a ee-aye-oh
And down with the shovel and the hoe.
There's no more work for the poor old man
He's gone where the good n****rrrs go, aye oh
He's gone where the good n****rrrs go.

I know. Me too, benefit of the doubt etc., and then you read further into it and all hell breaks out.

The way the fu.cks have turned something simple and traditional into a cruel and disgusting take, says a lot about their character.

2022, and these dinosaurs believe it is 'ok'.

 

[breakwake_]

Just to comment, my original comment was partly satire too but you'd have to be in the countryside to know that. Bit like how we find it funny to drop a decomposing dead rabbit on a car seat and laugh when someone sits on it, we do that here and laugh at it. But don't you two have another culture to force your views on and show your supiority too? Try Ukraine, perfect country to conquest, not much effort needed there but inflicting conflict and misery is part of the fun isn't it. Maybe ask Blair for advice.

And maybe clear this up for me, whats being implied about the Cornish National Minority?

 

[SamBally]

Just to comment, my original comment was partly satire too but you'd have to be in the countryside to know that. Bit like how we find it funny to drop a decomposing dead rabbit on a car seat and laugh when someone sits on it, we do that here and laugh at it. But don't you two have another culture to force your views on and show your supiority too? Try Ukraine, perfect country to conquest, not much effort needed there but inflicting conflict and misery is part of the fun isn't it. Maybe ask Blair for advice.

And maybe clear this up for me, whats being implied about the Cornish National Minority?

The topic had evolved into racist Minstrel songs which you have again manipulated into a pitiful me me me woe me. Then you even have the brass front to bring up Ukraine and compare it to what you claim is happening in Cornwall. You complete lunatic. You wouldn't know real hardship if it rose out the sea and bit you on your scrawny little arse.

You poor little mite, all the hardship you suffer down there in Cornwall, solely because civilized people want to end a RACIST tradition which was bloody imported from American culture anyway. It's soft blokes like you down in Cornwall who endlessly whine how tough you have it compared to everyone else and when in fact after 12 years of austerity we ALL have it tough.

And being the lemon that you so obviously are, you will still vote Tory who will still starve rural areas of vital funding and vital infrastructure.!!

 

[breakwake_]

And I was just going to congratulate you on managing to get this far without calling me a rapist, Nazi, murderer and all the other accusations you've called chatters on here. You were doing so well at being a responsible and civilised adult.

The topic had evolved into racist Minstrel songs which you have again manipulated into a pitiful me me me woe me. Then you even have the brass front to bring up Ukraine and compare it to what you claim is happening in Cornwall. You complete lunatic. You wouldn't know real hardship if it rose out the sea and bit you on your scrawny little arse.

You poor little mite, all the hardship you suffer down there in Cornwall, solely because civilized people want to end a RACIST tradition which was bloody imported from American culture anyway. It's soft blokes like you down in Cornwall who endlessly whine how tough you have it compared to everyone else and when in fact after 12 years of austerity we ALL have it tough.

And being the lemon that you so obviously are, you will still vote Tory who will still starve rural areas of vital funding and vital infrastructure.!!

Ignoring the mention of Minstrels as you're obviously having a tantrum, the people in Cornwall and the Cornish are two different things so just clear this up, who are you and whales claiming of what?

 

[SamBally]

This skinny little runt and his soft hands that have never done a day's hard graft his entire life would NOT last a single day down a tin mine or on a lobster boat.

Away with ye, go and prop up the bar in your local and regale unemployed fishermen with tales of how you have got their back fighting the good fight... behind the safety of your computer screen.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

This skinny little runt and his soft hands that have never done a day's hard graft his entire life would NOT last a single day down a tin mine or on a lobster boat.

Away with ye, go and prop up the bar in your local and regale unemployed fishermen with tales of how you have got their back fighting the good fight... behind the safety of your computer screen.

The lack of understanding about what satire is is highly amusing. Only right wing gammons fail to understand it, 100% of the time.

@breakwake_ was describing himself using the actions of a sociopath ''Bit like how we find it funny to drop a decomposing dead rabbit on a car seat and laugh when someone sits on it, we do that here and laugh at it. ''

and saying it was 'satire'. smfh LOL

Satire - is a genre of the visual, literary and performing arts, usually in the form of fiction, in which vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, often with the intent of exposing the perceived flaws of individuals, corporations, government, or society itself into improvement. Although satire is usually meant to be humorous, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit, to draw attention to both particular and wider issues in society.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

The topic had evolved into racist Minstrel songs which you have again manipulated into a pitiful me me me woe me. Then you even have the brass front to bring up Ukraine and compare it to what you claim is happening in Cornwall. You complete lunatic. You wouldn't know real hardship if it rose out the sea and bit you on your scrawny little arse.

You poor little mite, all the hardship you suffer down there in Cornwall, solely because civilized people want to end a RACIST tradition which was bloody imported from American culture anyway. It's soft blokes like you down in Cornwall who endlessly whine how tough you have it compared to everyone else and when in fact after 12 years of austerity we ALL have it tough.

And being the lemon that you so obviously are, you will still vote Tory who will still starve rural areas of vital funding and vital infrastructure.!!

The faux outrage and their 'suffering'. Woe is them!

Pearl clutching no-marks.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

This skinny little runt and his soft hands that have never done a day's hard graft his entire life would NOT last a single day down a tin mine or on a lobster boat.

Away with ye, go and prop up the bar in your local and regale unemployed fishermen with tales of how you have got their back fighting the good fight... behind the safety of your computer screen.

And he thinks he is from the 'countryside', the soft southern pearl clutcher.

Lol as if.

 

[breakwake_]

Latest UKIP billboard targets new Cornish minorities​

View attachment 9213

The latest billboard from UKIP has outlined the dangers of welcoming Cornish minorities into the rest of England.

Just hours after an announcement confirmed the Cornish as an official minority in the UK, UKIP unveiled its latest billboard designed to make you scared of them.

A UKIP spokesperson explained, “People have to realise that the unrestricted movement of Cornish people in the rest of England is a very real threat to your way of life.”

“Have you thought about the Cornish person who wants your job, or to bed your wife, or to murder you in your sleep – these are the key issues that those in Westminster simply want to ignore.”

“Well not here at UKIP. We are well aware of the very real things that you are scared of, and we will leave no penny unspent in suggesting minorities and immigrants are definitely the biggest cause of those things you are scared of.”

“The Cornish have only been a minority for about four hours, but already they are stealing, raping and pillaging – and if you don’t believe us we have the billboards to prove it.”

UKIP target Cornish​

UKIP supporter Kriz Tofpphur told us he’d been shocked by the latest billboard, and was incredibly grateful to UKIP for the warning about the Cornish.

He told us, “I’ve lived next door to one of these ‘Cornish’ for years, but only today I find out he’s actually a minority just here to steal jobs from us indigenous English folk.”

“I’m disgusted. So disgusted in fact that I threw dog sh** at his windows this morning.”

“It’s the only language these minorities understand.”

via ~ DailyPastie

Just clear this up Whales, is this satire or are you promoting hate speech against a protected National Minority people? Can't be satire, noone would find throwing dog faeces at someone elses home solely because of their race funny. This article which you will probably claim in your defence is satire isn't satire. So what is this supposed to mean?

 

[SamBally]

And he thinks he is from the 'countryside', the soft southern pearl clutcher.

Lol x 50

Oh, no. Fancy Dan and his soft hands, who is still complaining about satire is now going to call the internet police because you posted a satirical post that was actually mocking UKIP rather than the actual Cornish.

UKIP did very well in Cornwall prior to the EU referendum, didn't they? Won a fair few seats on local councils didn't they... UKIP that solemn protector of the countryside and all who inhabit it.

Is that a Cornish flying piggy?

While Fancy Dan himself describes 'some' Cornish people, but according to him, not all Cornish people, as "protected National Minority people?"

Ironically courtesy of European rules for the protection of national minorities. The EU, which Cornwall voted to leave.

Then goes on to claim the Cornish are a separate "race" from other races in the UK and whatever that means. After passionately arguing beforehand that it is perfectly acceptable to be racist about an actual race.

"We'll sing our imported racist American minstrel songs and god help any Black person who objects and complains about our Cornish traditions."

"I am proud Cornish man and now I shall go murder a deer so I can hang the corpse above the shower and laugh when the bloodied remains fall on my long-suffering partner, it is Cornish satire, you wouldn't understand countryside humour."

"We are simple countryside folk, all we want is to protect our traditions and way of life, which is why we vote Tory who have wrought havoc in our communities for the past 40 + years and who are solely responsible for eroding our way of life."

"Yes I know singing racist songs won't create REAL jobs and allow REAL cornish people to get on the housing ladder but it's not about unimportant things like healthcare, jobs, and housing and roads and local transport and other boring stuff, it's about protecting our right to sing racist songs imported from America."

 

[breakwake_]

Sweet Lord above, back to the self righteous moral high ground again and the pretend "I can't see you" routine. Must be really high ground.
I mentioned I was Cornish and up pops a post claiming that rubbing dog sh*t into a Cornish persons window was "the only language these minorities understand". And that post wasn't aimed at me because I'm Cornish but was aimed at UKIP?

That post was aimed at me because I said I was Cornish, the person that posted it wants to rub dog sh*t into Cornish peoples homes because they're Cornish. I'm the Cornish person it was posted to so I take it he means he wants to rub dog sh *t into my window. Because I'm Cornish. Yes? To be clear

"A hate crime or incident is where the victim or anyone else perceives that the incident has been motivated through hostility or prejudice based on a person’s actual or perceived identity."​

The rest of your post, what? Do you rant at everyone about everything?

 

[SamBally]

That is ALL they do. That is their only reason for being here. Pity them, that's all they are worth. If they aren't using 'satire' to insult people they are calling everyone 'Hard Right'... it's like a broken record with those two.

Says an old bloke who is currently on his second ID to spam the boards with 1,000s of Covid-19 conspiracy posts.

The same bloke who is highly sensitive when people take the piss out of him and while he defends the right of the likes of Jimmy Carr to do just that.


Wooooooooooooosh!!