Limericks

[LadyOnArooftop]

There are some lovely poetry threads on this wonderful forum that have been debased with lewd limericks. People! No! If you feel a limerick coming on, please post it here instead. Thank you.
I'll start you off...
There was an odd woman called Hester
Who said to the man who undressed her
I think you will find
It's better from behind
As the front is beginning to fester

 

[Saphire]

You have a talent Lady.

 

[PennyDreadful2]

There was an old sod called Boris,
Who ruled like a bit of a novice,
He pissed people off,
With a belch and a cough,
And was finally kicked out of office!

Boom boom!

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

There was an old sod called Boris,
Who ruled like a bit of a novice,
He pissed people off,
With a belch and a cough,
And was finally kicked out of office!

Boom boom!

Very topical and very apt, well done

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

A Labour leader I'd rather not name
His questions to Boris are all very tame
He's gone pretty far
After passing the bar
I'd rather have Corbyn if it's all the same.


Be a good citizen and learn to obey
Just follow our leader don’t wander astray
Greatness was promised
In words less than honest
Don't do what they do, do what they say

 

[BronzeSquirrel]

I only know rude ones.

There was a young woman from Orry
Who went for a piss in a quarry
She knelt on a sack
And opened her crack
And a fella backed in with a lorry

 

[BronzeSquirrel]

There was a hot woman called Saphire
Who succumbed to her husband's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?

 

[BronzeSquirrel]

A lad and a lass from Aberystwyth
United the lips that they kystwyth.
But as they grew older,
They also grew bolder,
And played with the things that they pystwyth.

 

[Saphire]

There was a hot woman called Saphire
Who succumbed to her husband's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?

You've been peeping.

 

[WickedPerdition]

Just a cautionary word for all contributors to this thread -
Even something as simple as a limerick does require correct scanning. Otherwise it just loses its effect.
Here's an example:

There was a young man from Hanning
Who often struggled with his scanning
He bought a device
That did the job nice
And now he is in for a banning

Wasn't hard, was it?

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

The forum's caught up in a mask debate
But is self-isolation a task so great?
Until the next election
And for my protection
I'll just stay at home and masturbate

 

[WickedPerdition]

The forum's caught up in a mask debate
But is self-isolation a task so great?
Until the next election
And for my protection
I'll just stay at home and masturbate

Do you need a hand?

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

Do you need a hand?

What are your fingernails like? You can tell a lot from a person's nails. If they're not well groomed I dread to think what the rest of them is like.

 

[Moriarty]

There once was a women called Lady,
Who I thought was just a bit crazy,
She liked to debate,
To b**** and berate,
But now I know she's just brainy.

There once was a Guy called Sam Bally,
Who again I thought was just crazy.
But like Whales in a Pool,
He's just a fool,
And now I know I'm being lazy.

There once was a women named Saphire,
The rhyming of which is a mire,
A simpler name,
Would be much less to blame,
So this lyric is simply just dire.


To drunk to do more

 

[WickedPerdition]

What are your fingernails like? You can tell a lot from a person's nails. If they're not well groomed I dread to think what the rest of them is like.

I say, steady on old girl. It wasn't a request to offer manual assistance. It was rather to establish whether or not you employed a specific device.
I would ask similar questions regarding your own personal hygiene otherwise.

 

[Saphire]

There once was a women called Lady,
Who I thought was just a bit crazy,
She liked to debate,
To b**** and berate,
But now I know she's just brainy.

There once was a Guy called Sam Bally,
Who again I thought was just crazy.
But like Whales in a Pool,
He's just a fool,
And now I know I'm being lazy.

There once was a women named Saphire,
The rhyming of which is a mire,
A simpler name,
Would be much less to blame,
So this lyric is simply just dire.


To drunk to do more

Have a 'like' Moriarty...for trying more than for content.

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

There once was a women called Lady,
Who I thought was just a bit crazy,
She liked to debate,
To b**** and berate,
But now I know she's just brainy.

Thank you for the tribute poem, it's better than giving flowers

 

[WickedPerdition]

Thank you for the tribute poem, it's better than giving flowers

The competition is too strong.
I quit!

 

[SamBally]

There once was a Guy called Sam Bally,
Who again I thought was just crazy.
But like Whales in a Pool,
He's just a fool,
And now I know I'm being lazy.

God almighty yet another mention from this creepy old stalker who I told not to type to me and who I ignored until he did. It is relentless.


And very disturbing

This constant passive aggression is extremely abusive.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

God almighty yet another mention from this creepy old stalker who I told not to type to me and who I ignored until he did. It is relentless.


And very disturbing

This constant passive aggression is extremely abusive.

That boring old cvnt called Moroniarty
Comes across as a stalking old farty
He whines like a snowflake b.itch
Going all pseudointellectual with each pervy twitch
And his rhetoric is a steaming pile of right wing clarty.