Has Boris finally played his last card?

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What your shitty birthday was like in 2020​

Unsure if it matters that Johnson’s July 2020 birthday party broke the rules?

Compare it to the shitty celebration you had that year:

Location: home
Unless your birthday fell before lockdown or in the weird summer reprieve nobody trusted, it took place in the same spot as everything else in 2020: on the sofa in a post-midday w.ank stupor.

Guests: none
Nobody attended your birthday party in person because popping round, getting trashed and eating Party Rings didn’t count as state-approved daily exercise. After months indoors you would have given anything to celebrate with your mates. Even just 10 minutes would’ve cheered you up, but the police made it very clear that was illegal.

Presents: not many
Did you get any? Were they any good? Hard to tell; you had so many Amazon parcels of unnecessary tat delivered in 2020 that you lost track. Did your auntie break her habit of giving you generic, impersonal gifts, or did you buy that N64 game you always wanted as a kid for yourself at 2am while blind drunk? You’ll never know.

Cake: self-purchased
After quickly exhausting the joy of baking during the lockdown’s banana bread phase, you bought your own cake from the shops. Panic-buyers had already snapped up all the Colin the Caterpillars, leaving you with a stale, marked-down cupcake that only lasted for a couple of bites. You didn’t bother with candles. They wouldn’t have survived the tears.

Singing happy birthday: strictly forbidden
Scientists believed singing propelled coronavirus particles through the air and banned it. So your birthday was a dreary, tuneless affair, but at least you were obeying the rules not metaphorically giving the NHS the middle finger. Unless you ignored all the guidance as Tory MPs are now saying everyone did, in which case f.uck you.

via~DailyAnotherDayOlder

 

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“I wasn’t able to offer him a comforting hand. That will haunt me until my dying days.” Jean Adamson outside Conservative HQ today. 26 JAN 2022


"I couldn't see my gran who died alone and afraid and delirious... We just want the country to be led by someone who everyone trusts" - Amos Waldman outside Conservative HQ today, 26 JAN 2022


“He died at the time the Christmas parties were taking place in Downing Street.” - Dr Saleyha Ahsan, an A&E doctor who lost her dad to Covid. Location: Tory HQ today, 26 JAN 2022


“We’ve been lied to, patronised and taken for fools.” Matt Fowler, who lost his father to Covid in April 2020, outside Conservative HQ. Today, 26 JAN 2022


“I spent the last year and a half grieving for the man who I loved. He’s dead. And they partied.”
from Fran Hall outside Tory HQ, today, 26 JAN 2022

 

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Robert Barrington, Professor of Anti-Corruption Practice at the Centre for the Study of Corruption in the University of Sussex said: "There is more corruption and corruption risk in and around this government than any UK government since the Second World War…”

 

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[TwoWhalesInAPool]

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Boris Johnson has wasted no time replacing Munira Mirza with the announcement that his new policy head is to be an angry, red-faced gammon from down the pub.

“I’m tremendously excited about welcoming an angry, red-faced gammon from the pub into my team,” said Mr Johnson.

“He smells a bit of wee, and keeps nodding off. But his ideas are exactly the sort of thing that will revitalise my Government after these past few months.”

The angry, red-faced gammon from down the pub then stepped up to introduce himself with a largely incoherent rant that appeared to be mainly racist in nature and alluded to his desire to have sexual relations with ‘that Evangeline Lilly off of Lost,’ before vomiting on his own shoes and slumping to the floor.

“Tremendous!” Exclaimed Boris.

It is understood that, under the instruction of angry, red-faced gammon from down the pub, Number 10 will now focus on the following policies

• ‘Sending them all back.’
• War with France
• Bringing back pictures of women on those cards with all the bags of peanuts on behind the bar.

There is no word on who will replace the Prime Minister’s principal private secretary but it is understood that Boris has stipulated that it should be ‘someone with big tits’.

via ~ DailyRacistGBSpews