Far-right snowflake meltdown, in 3, 2, 1...

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Stand ready for the far-right snowflake meltdown, Gary Lineker is back.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

As a former three year old I totally understand the above posters foot stomping tantrum.

 

[Moriarty]

Lineker has the right to say whatever the hell he wants.
Unless he is contractually obliged not to.

If the BBC has in place opinion or disclosure rules within its contracts then I find that a lot more worrying than some asshat spouting his opinion.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Five entertaining ways to trigger a far-right snowflake meltdown.​

Angry red-faced racist men are always criticising ‘lefties’ but are surprisingly easily triggered themselves.

Why not set them off with these -

1: Post satire or anything on your favourite chatroom forum:
Far-right snowflakes don't understand satire, they never 'get it', they never read any article, no matter who, what or where, so the triggering fun to be had is triple-fold. The F-R snowflake will react in many different ways, all to the amusement of you and anyone else reading their reactionary diatribe. Much fun to be had!

2: Any extremely unbelievable garbage about Islam. (all untrue of course, but 'facts lies' posted daily on many far right websites and newspapers) For example -
● To avoid upsetting Muslims, Crufts is going to replace dogs with mice.

● Big Ben is now a mosque. Regional far-right snowflakes hate London, so this is clearly true.

● Dentists are becoming halal. This does not even make sense but they’ll still be furious.

3: The army is becoming transgender:
Far-right snowflakes will accept any bollocks about certain hot topics, so tell them every British squaddie is being forced to change sex. The Paras are changing their name to The Girly Gender Benders Regiment.

If you’re feeling particularly sadistic, add plenty of ‘convincing’ detail, e.g.. the SAS will have to wear sports bras to support their impressive norks while storming embassies, and one of their ammo pouches will be reserved for tampons.

4: Being a white male is becoming illegal:
Far-right snowflakes often mention this, but are they aware it’s really happening thanks to the upcoming Pub Bore Resettlement Act 2018? This fictitious piece of legislation will force them to live in politically correct camps where they have to sing Baa Baa Rainbow Lesbian Sheep all day.

5: Millennials will get free protective suits:
Young people are so delicate they’re getting padded suits to protect them from everyday life. A high-tech helmet will block out offensive sights such as people eating steak and normal heterosexual blokes giving their wife a playful pat on the arse.

6: The secret deal to become part of France:
Tell them that the government has done a secret deal to make us part of France. Look gutted as you describe driving on the right and garlic-and-snail Big Macs. Red-faced grown men will sob uncontrollably in Spoons.

TY@TDM

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Far-right lunatic who blames all of the nation’s ills on ‘migrants’ horrified to learn the only thing keeping the UK out of recession is net migration​

Ray Cyst-Itis, 62, has in the past month blamed small boats for everything from his difficulty getting a dentist appointment, to the disappointing finale of The Last of Us, to the fact that his daffodils are late coming up this year.

Cyst-Itis was left stunned after the Office of Budget Responsibility (OBR) explained that without the input of net migration in excess of 250,000, the UK would be in economic trouble.

“Migrants contribute more to our economy than they take out, and without the extra 250,000 of them we let in last year, we’d be looking at a technical recession in 2023, no question about it,” explained a spokesperson for the OBR.

After staring blankly at the television for several minutes without blinking, Cyst-Itis composed himself to point out that he was okay with the “nice” migrants.

“And by nice, I mean ‘rich’. I don’t want to hear stories about refugees who became doctors, lawyers, and engineers – I only want to hear stories about the ones who break the law. Otherwise I might start thinking of them as people and realise they’re not that different to us.

“And THEN where will we be?!”

TY-NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

ARE YOU A FAR-RIGHT MASSIVE F.UCKING PARANOID W.ANKER?

ARE YOU HAVING A FULL ON SNOWFLAKE MELTDOWN?

Paranoid that someone you don't know is three different people?

Paranoid that two different people are one person?

Paranoid that everyone on a chat forum is talking about you behind your back?

No need to worry, they’re only whispering this:

You look a bit tired
Can you not see the massive bags under your elderly paranoid eyes? And the waxy skin? It’s because you’re losing sleep thinking about all that far-right conspiracy theory c.untery. Get some rest. Brush your comb-over first though, or are you trying for single strand dreadlocks? They won’t work on you.

You worry too much
Seriously dude, chill out. You seem majorly stressed about all this. It’s the talk of our private Chat room group. We can’t tell you because you’re so stressed so we message then stifle laughter while never answering you, creating a paranoid feedback loop. So relax, will you?

Do you need a holiday?
Surely that would help, unless you lose your luggage or the taxi crashes or you get arrested and locked up for 20 years. And we all know you’re that kind of dickhead. Not that we’re suggesting a holiday in Basingstoke to get rid of you or anything.

Consider therapy?
Talking to a professional is the best way to fix your paranoia. Although what if they’re a fraud, and after each session they call your chatroom buddies and tell them everything you just shared? Does that happen. Best be safe and bottle up everything forever.

[inaudible gossiping]
Sorry, this is a two-person conversation between me and the person I’m whispering to behind a cupped hand. Yes, we’re saying your name but it’s not about you. Now, if you’ll excuse me… [whispering noises] yeah, him… [whispering noises] massive f.ucking paranoid snowflake wanker…

TY@DM

 

[Dropship]

Stand ready for the far-right snowflake meltdown, Gary Lineker is back.

Mate, there ain't no such thing as a far-right snowflake, they're all far-left..

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

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