Being killed with Kindness

Discussion in '40s-50s' started by BasildonBond, Apr 8, 2020.

  1. BasildonBond

    BasildonBond UKChat Familiar

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    You know how chatrooms are, right? - especially in these unprecedented times the World is currently living through. They are a diversion, a harmless and re-assuringly mundane alternative to the seemingly constant feed of bad news our media feeds us day after day.

    They also serve as a conduit for people at various times to air their lives’ frustrations and, for many, to assuage their loneliness too. They provide a free and easily accessible social service that caters for a wide spectrum of humankind and its various needs and conditions.

    And most people who inhabit these virtual global forums know the score. The more of them you imbibe, the more curious you get and the more you start to filter; often finding those favourites within them, those names on a screen you start to look for when you log on and develop a rapport with – that, after all, is human nature.

    And, as it goes, you start over time to build these virtual friendships.

    But there is safety in the anonymity of this medium and a comforting detachment – right? You are after all just typing to a computer screen and interacting with a series of typefaces. That’s why people can (and often do) say just what they want and can often be absolutely outrageous, while others are more circumspect. It’s almost as if you detach yourself from the notion that there is actually a real person behind that typeface you’re reading.

    I have done all of the above, returning to the “fold” after a long absence because of the recent breakdown of a long-term relationship.

    I was wary of doing so, boy was I wary! Because I know only too well from past experience the dangers that lurk within them. But I returned because they were re-assuringly familiar, a source of amusement, a diversion from boredom, even a chance to exercise my alter-ego (SO different to the man I actually am by the way, the polar opposite in fact). I also returned because, even though I think I’m an introvert by nature, I find people fascinating. Like nearly everyone, I need social contact, even if only in “bite-size” chunks.

    And, maybe most importantly, I need the humour that just occasionally has me weeping with mirth, even almost laughing out loud (virtually unheard of for me!). That really is the best medicine there is, especially right now. There are just a few hilarious people in those Chatrooms. You know who you are btw! That’s the way the cookie crumbles I suppose.

    So, all of the above being considered, surely there couldn’t be any harm in dipping my toes in Chatrooms again could there? (especially if I exercised care and restraint)

    Well actually, maybe yes. And how does this happen you may ask? It happens when someone you have built a rapport with suddenly moves the goalposts….not to intentionally unsettle you but just to show you a little more of themselves – and no, I don’t mean a nude photo. (really NOT interested in those!)

    This happened to me last night. I received a PM (Personal Message btw, not the Prime Minister – he’s too ill to see me right now!). It unsettled me. It did so because for the first time almost, the typeface I had been building a rapport with over a week or so became a real person. The virtual person had in a single button press become a real one. I even saw what they looked like – I think THAT’S what made it real for me. And in case you’re wondering, I very much liked what I saw.

    And so the cloak of their anonymity had been cast off in one fell swoop. They had trusted ME with a piece of themselves, more than they would ever volunteer in the very public domain of a chatroom – and that meant an awful lot to me.

    But that really brings me back nicely to the start of this rambling post. She killed me with her kindness last night, and I now feel vulnerable. She killed me because it has sown the seed for feelings that I’m not comfortable with right now, feelings I haven’t had for ages, feelings I don’t really know how to deal with, feelings I don't think I even have any right to have - at the very least, I now have to confront the challenges of maintaining a proper friendship with a woman I have developed a real fondness for, and my track record of being able to keep my feelings at just the level of friendship is pretty lousy!

    All she was doing was being kind, being a friend, being normal. But for me, it opened up a hornet’s nest in my head!

    And I very much fear being stung. But the journey has started now and I’m not sure where it will end or how to get off…in fact, I’m not sure I even want to! Anyhow, I’ve packed my passport just in case.
     
    MissTwix and LadyOnArooftop like this.
  2. Dong

    Dong UKChat Initiate

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    Jeez! If you want to...go with it: if you don't...don't,
    You only got one life you know!
     
    Beatris likes this.
  3. Bad_Influence

    Bad_Influence Chat God & T.A.G.

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    Simple answer... DON'T. She has befriended the ONLINE you... who is, in your own words the polar opposite of the REAL you. Effectively you have conned her. Does that seem fair to you?
     
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  4. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    Strange first person i blocked was Bb what a knob
     
  5. megs233

    megs233 UKChat Familiar

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    hahahaha sorry to laugh but he says it just typeface on a screen. how now she not conning you she could show any photo of any one . cool ya heels lover boy. you packing your your passport after on week where you think your going ? Do have permission to travel when rest us are not allowed too.
     
  6. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    copy and paste works for him megs think i seen that onlone some where
     
  7. LadyOnArooftop

    LadyOnArooftop UKChat Expert

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    A lovely post, thanks for sharing. Made for an interesting read, It made my afternoon coffee that bit more pleasurable.
     
    septemberwoman and Beatris like this.
  8. Shak

    Shak UKChat Familiar

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    A lovely thought provoking post.

    Friendships are not to be sniffed at, so maybe be happy to be friends. There's no need to always have all those other complicated things involved. Especially if you're uneasy with your feelings. Can have the banter, connections and closeness still.
     
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  9. SilkInTheMist84

    SilkInTheMist84 Moderator Staff Member

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    What a lovely post x
     
  10. supercookie123

    supercookie123 UKChat Expert

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    You are a monster, Bad. MONSTER! :)
     
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  11. supercookie123

    supercookie123 UKChat Expert

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    Really? I think you may have misread something; I see him as rather a good egg and quite engaging! I see you the same and can't believe you don't get on. :(
     
  12. supercookie123

    supercookie123 UKChat Expert

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    Am sad to hear of your circumstances - I hadn't realised you came from an unhappy place. And as for typefaces and a computer screen, I'm not sure I agree; I think we do, in the main, write honestly what we think or feel in these chatrooms. I do anyway, apart from the bullshittery you KNOW is just banter in order to amuse / pass the time / show how cabin fever can affect a normally quite grounded person!

    Am worried in case I PMmed you and made you temporarily lose your mind / marbles / plot.o_O
     
  13. Words

    Words UKChat Familiar

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    NO supercookies hes a twat full stop
     
  14. Bad_Influence

    Bad_Influence Chat God & T.A.G.

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    You say the sweetest things Cookie. lol
     
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  15. BasildonBond

    BasildonBond UKChat Familiar

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    Thank you for your understanding. I don't come from an unhappy place Super...the recent separation I referred to was long inevitable and we were both happy to go our own ways after more than 10 years living together (We are still friends and I still see her every day actually as she's still my business partner and she owns half our dog, luckily the back end!). The PM I received the other night that I referred to just opened up feelings I haven't had for ages..maybe it shouldn't have because it was done out of kindness and trust, and only friendship, but it just did. It doesn't mean I necessarily want more than friendship with the lady in question (for many reasons that may not be appropriate or possible), but when she became more real it just opened up long-buried feelings. Oh, and don't worry, it's NOT you!! You've never PMd me, so you can rule that out! I absolutely adore your humour and I hope we can continue to banter online - you just make me laugh so much. Your humour and your crazy delivery is totally up my street. But the lady I referred to is someone else. So rest easy..you won't be needing an injunction! Do you know, I have laughed so much at the mixed reactions to my post...in general the feedback from women (including you) was sympathetic, full of empathy and positive. As you can see, the men were scathing! But it's like water off a duck's back to me. No wonder I prefer women! lol Anyway...thanks..just THANKS! For a Welshie, you aint half bad!
     
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  16. BasildonBond

    BasildonBond UKChat Familiar

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    Just want to say thanks for taking the trouble to post a reply, even if it was precipitated by boredom! The "mixed" feedback really made me laugh. No wonder I prefer the company of women. Anyhow, thank you.
     
  17. BasildonBond

    BasildonBond UKChat Familiar

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    I appreciate your lengthy and considered reply to my post. I just really have one thing to say...it takes one to know one! You made me laugh anyway! Thank you!
     
  18. BasildonBond

    BasildonBond UKChat Familiar

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    I just knew you were a great judge of character, though I think you slipped up rather with the other fellah!
     
  19. BasildonBond

    BasildonBond UKChat Familiar

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    and an equally lovely reply. Thank you!
     
  20. BasildonBond

    BasildonBond UKChat Familiar

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    Thank you for your lovely reply. You know, I've always rated Swedes lol
     

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