What do you look for in a relationship?

[Saphire]

Do men and women really differ so much when they are looking for a long-term relationship? I doubt they do.
After the initial heady lust has faded a bit...what are you left with?
If you chose with your head as well as with your heart, hopefully someone you actually like, that's always a good start.

 

[Saphire]

Thanks PennyDreadful2 ... but no one has answered.

I thought in light of women bashing men and men putting down women, it would be a good thing to celebrate what we may have in common.

 

[BronzeSquirrel]

Do men and women really differ so much when they are looking for a long-term relationship? I doubt they do.
After the initial heady lust has faded a bit...what are you left with?
If you chose with your head as well as with your heart, hopefully someone you actually like, that's always a good start.

Everyone needs to be loved, don't they? Even the ones who say they don't need it.

 

[BronzeSquirrel]

When I was younger I always chose with my heart. I chose my current husband with my head. And we've been happily together for 13 years. I love him to bits.

 

[Saphire]

When I was younger I always chose with my heart. I chose my current husband with my head. And we've been happily together for 13 years. I love him to bits.

I had a girlfriend who couldn't understand women (like me) who chose with their heart.
She chose very wisely...twice, with her head, and she was very happy in the choices she made.

I cant understand the head choice...it's probably more luck than judgment my choice worked out.
But if I had to do it over.....I would still pick with my heart.

 

[BronzeSquirrel]

Anyway, after a few ups and downs, poinless crushes and bad decisions, I realised, I definately picked partners via my heart not my head.

I had a girlfriend who couldn't understand women (like me) who chose with their heart.
She chose very wisely...twice, with her head, and she was very happy in the choices she made.

I cant understand the head choice...it's probably more luck than judgment my choice worked out.
But if I had to do it over.....I would still pick with my heart.

It might seem odd, but I manifested him. I told the universe exactly what I wanted and I got exactly what I'd asked for. I needed someone who would be good for me. Someone I wouldn't have to bend my life around. Someone who loved me with all my faults and foibles. Earth to my Air. And I got him.

 

[Saphire]

It might seem odd, but I manifested him. I told the universe exactly what I wanted and I got exactly what I'd asked for. I needed someone who would be good for me. Someone I wouldn't have to bend my life around. Someone who loved me with all my faults and foibles. Earth to my Air. And I got him.

Awww, that's good to hear.
They do say 'Be careful what you wish for because it can often materialise', in your case it was for the good.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

I'm not relationship material- took me a while to realise it, but once I did, I lost any idealisation about them.
When I was single and looking (beyond the obvious trust and friendship):

*Someone who can cook, because I hate doing it. I don't mind doing the cleaning though. Cleaning is satisfying; cooking isn't, because it creates a mess.
*Someone who understands that I don't do people or family. I will not become their sister's new best friend and slip into the routine of Sunday dinner at granny's-ever. Unless, of course, granny grows her own and then you won't get me away!
*Someone who likes cats and isn't allergic to them. This is very important.
*Prior prison record negotiable, but if they're on a list of some sort (Claire's, Sarah's, etc), that's definitely not happening. If they went on a list while I was with them, I'd be back onto my Beyonce CDs.
*Someone who watches soaps or at least, one of them, so they understand me when I break down the scripts and foreshadowing.

 

[BronzeSquirrel]

Awww, that's good to hear.
They do say 'Be careful what you wish for because it can often materialise', in your case it was for the good.

I've been wise enough to leave the relationships that weren't working. I have friends who have been too fearful of being alone to do this, and they are still suffering.

 

[Moriarty]

 

[Saphire]

View attachment 6055

Some truth in that.

Also...would there be any nagging women if men did as they were told the first time?

 

[Saphire]

I'm not relationship material- took me a while to realise it, but once I did, I lost any idealisation about them.
When I was single and looking (beyond the obvious trust and friendship):

*Someone who can cook, because I hate doing it. I don't mind doing the cleaning though. Cleaning is satisfying; cooking isn't, because it creates a mess.
*Someone who understands that I don't do people or family. I will not become their sister's new best friend and slip into the routine of Sunday dinner at granny's-ever. Unless, of course, granny grows her own and then you won't get me away!
*Someone who likes cats and isn't allergic to them. This is very important.
*Prior prison record negotiable, but if they're on a list of some sort (Claire's, Sarah's, etc), that's definitely not happening. If they went on a list while I was with them, I'd be back onto my Beyonce CDs.
*Someone who watches soaps or at least, one of them, so they understand me when I break down the scripts and foreshadowing.

That's not such an unreasonable list to have.
I hate cooking too...I do it, because OH is worse than me, and we dont starve...so I compromise on that.

I totally get that you could never be with anyone who doesn't love your cats.
I actually fell out of love the second my boyfriend at the time, showed no concern when he picked me up one night. I was in floods of tears because my beloved old dog had had to be put down because she was suffering too much.
When I did manage to say why I was so upset, his reply, as he tenderly held me, was..."is that all?".

 

[hell2bwith76]

I'm not relationship material- took me a while to realise it, but once I did, I lost any idealisation about them.
When I was single and looking (beyond the obvious trust and friendship):

*Someone who can cook, because I hate doing it. I don't mind doing the cleaning though. Cleaning is satisfying; cooking isn't, because it creates a mess.
*Someone who understands that I don't do people or family. I will not become their sister's new best friend and slip into the routine of Sunday dinner at granny's-ever. Unless, of course, granny grows her own and then you won't get me away!
*Someone who likes cats and isn't allergic to them. This is very important.
*Prior prison record negotiable, but if they're on a list of some sort (Claire's, Sarah's, etc), that's definitely not happening. If they went on a list while I was with them, I'd be back onto my Beyonce CDs.
*Someone who watches soaps or at least, one of them, so they understand me when I break down the scripts and foreshadowing.

This explains a lot !

 

[casiquaire]

Sex, Sandwiches, Silence.

 

[WickedPerdition]

Do men and women really differ so much when they are looking for a long-term relationship? I doubt they do.
After the initial heady lust has faded a bit...what are you left with?
If you chose with your head as well as with your heart, hopefully someone you actually like, that's always a good start.

Unfortunately, you haven't stated what YOU look for in a long-term relationship, which I think is essential when setting down the basis for others to comment on. The 'head and heart' argument is not sufficient foundation for a proper response as that is simple generalisation.

View attachment 6055

I'm inclined to think it's likely to be the other way round, to be honest. George Carlin is an American 'comedian', not a philosopher or psychologist.
As a devout misandrist, I believe that both 'sexes' are as equally as absurd as one other.

 

[Saphire]

What I look for....love obviously.
Which grows from lust, strong attraction, definitely loyalty, mutual respect, sense of humour, kindness, and that added bit of Je ne sais quoi that makes a love enduring.

 

[hell2bwith76]

What I look for....love obviously.
Which grows from lust, strong attraction, definitely loyalty, mutual respect, sense of humour, kindness, and that added bit of Je ne sais quoi that makes a love enduring.

And just how do you see all that without knowing that person for a long time ?

 

[WickedPerdition]

And just how do you see all that without knowing that person for a long time ?

She is liable to answer with a 'je ne sais quoi'. hell2bwith76, never expect a logical response. I've long-realised it is far too much to hope for.

 

[Saphire]

And just how do you see all that without knowing that person for a long time ?

How long is a 'long time'?
Every relationship grows or wanes with time, but some things are instant...initial attraction is a good start, the other things become clear as a relationship develops.

 

[Deadpool]

The contents of their medicine cabinet