Start with a joke

[Cogster]

Man walked into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. Says to the barman, I will have a pint and half for Tiny as he points at the newt
Barman asks: why you call him Tiny
Man says: because he's 'my newt'

 

[Cogster]

Man walked into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. Says to the barman, I will have a pint and half for Tiny as he points at the newt
Barman asks: why you call him Tiny
Man says: because he's 'my newt'

Well I thought it was a good joke, my newt as in minute (small, tiny)
Oh well not to worry, lol

 

[BizarreBabe]

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”

 

[BizarreBabe]

How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream

 

[BizarreBabe]

What did one hat say to the other?
You wait here. I’ll go on a head.

 

[BizarreBabe]

I waited all night to see where the sun would rise…
…And then it dawned on me.

 

[BizarreBabe]

Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?
Because it was cultured.

 

[hell2bwith76]

I had a ploughman’s lunch the other day. He wasn’t very happy

 

[hell2bwith76]

A man walked into the doctor's, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said, 'Well don't go there any more'

 

[hell2bwith76]

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese. There are 5 people in my family so one of them must be Chinese. It's either my mum or my Dad --- or my older brother Colin --- or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu --- but I think it's Colin.

 

[Cogster]

Horse walks into a pub and the barman said....why the long face

Thank you to those adding ,jokes to this thread, brilliant
Just need to work out how bizzarebabe gets the first line in bold as that looks better

 

[BizarreBabe]

Horse walks into a pub and the barman said....why the long face

Thank you to those adding ,jokes to this thread, brilliant
Just need to work out how bizzarebabe gets the first line in bold as that looks better

I copy and pasted from a website. I never remember jokes, except for my favourite. My memory sucks.

My favourite...

A blonde walks into a pizza shop and asks for a vegetarian pizza.
The person at the counter asks 'Would you like it cut into 6 pieces or 12 pieces?'
The blonde replies 'Ooh, just 6 please, I couldn't manage 12!'

 

[Cogster]

I copy and pasted from a website. I never remember jokes, except for my favourite. My memory sucks.

My favourite...

A blonde walks into a pizza shop and asks for a vegetarian pizza.
The person at the counter asks 'Would you like it cut into 6 pieces or 12 pieces?'
The blonde replies 'Ooh, just 6 please, I couldn't manage 12!'

 

[Cogster]

And I bet you chuckle to yourself everytime you order a pizza and they ask you how want it cut.
Must be so tempting to give them the punchline to the joke, and probably why you remember it,

 

[WickedPerdition]

And I bet you chuckle to yourself everytime you order a pizza and they ask you how want it cut.
Must be so tempting to give them the punchline to the joke, and probably why you remember it,

Please be pertinent. Not impertinent.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because there wasn't a zebra crossing!
DOH!

 

[GJ14]

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese. There are 5 people in my family so one of them must be Chinese. It's either my mum or my Dad --- or my older brother Colin --- or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu --- but I think it's Colin.

 

[GJ14]

Have heard this one before but still makes me laugh out loud, thanks.

 

[hell2bwith76]

A couple were lying in bed together on the
morning of their tenth wedding anniversary
when the wife says, 'Darling, as this is
such a special occasion, I think that it is time I
made a confession: Before we were married
I was a hooker for eight years.'

The husband ponders for a moment and then
looks into his wife's eyes and says, 'My love,
you have been a perfect wife for ten years!
I cannot hold your past against you, maybe you
could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice
up our sex life a bit?'

She said, 'I don't think you understand, my name
was Brian and I played rugby for Wales . . .'

 

[megs233]

why cant ghosts have babies?? cause they have hallow-weenies

 

[hell2bwith76]

This isn`t a joke but i remember in the ancient days of Internet Chatrooms a lot of fun was in the use of jokes from all the countries.I think i`m correct in remembering that different countries made fun of other countries .Example is there were tons of Irish jokes from England`s chatters. New York had lots of Polish & Jewish jokes. We had lots of French & German jokes too . Of course i guess most of these are banned under some "anti" rulings but i always enjoyed the American jokes about Rednecks once it was explained to me who they were .
I`ll try one example ,to see if it gets deleted .I`ll understand if it does.

You might be a Redneck if you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.