Shak. Your "Fairy (oh God) Mother" Is back to solve all your problems!

[Shak]

Okay same as always.
Chuck your problems at me.

Men misbehaving? Woman not falling at your feet? Birds crapping on your fence? Next door banging on too many saucepans when a clap on a Thursday night is quite sufficient?


If my excellent advice is followed to the letter, I guarantee I can solve your woes.

Obviously It's not a real guarantee like you get in Tesco.

 

[Words]

Asking the question from a friend ..............Is the letter a dear john

 

[Shak]

Asking the question from a friend ..............Is the letter a dear john

Hmmm... tough one.
Firstly by the time you'd read the letter, had they gone?

Secondly Is your name John?, if not the letter was for someone else.

 

[Words]

Story of my life (woops fwends )

 

[Deadpool]

Dear Jim.
Can you please fix it for me to....

...to be continued.

 

[Dong]

Okay same as always.
Chuck your problems at me.

Men misbehaving? Woman not falling at your feet? Birds crapping on your fence? Next door banging on too many saucepans when a clap on a Thursday night is quite sufficient?


If my excellent advice is followed to the letter, I guarantee I can solve your woes.

Obviously It's not a real guarantee like you get in Tesco.

Hello Shak. Can you help me?
The gorgeous Russian girl I have been corresponding with recently has told me she is coming to se me, as soon as it is possible.
What should I tell my wife?

 

[Shak]

Dear Jim.
Can you please fix it for me to....

...to be continued.

Sounds like you're already 'Savvy' enough to sort your own problems out!

 

[Shak]

Hello Shak. Can you help me?
The gorgeous Russian girl I have been corresponding with recently has told me she is coming to se me, as soon as it is possible.
What should I tell my wife?

It's all about how you present this idea to your wife.

I suggest you tell her that she is so amazing, wonderful and does far too much. So you've decided she deserves a whole weekend off.
When the Russian bird rocks up, just say she will be taking over all wifely duties for the weekend. Leaving your wife free to put her feet up with a good book and relax for the weekend.
She will be delighted!

Of course there's a good chance that the gorgeous Russian girl ends up being 'Barry' from Wigan.
In which case stock up on lube.

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

My hair is a mess, I look fat in a dress. How do you manage to look so damn gorgeous?

 

[Dong]

My hair is a mess, I look fat in a dress. How do you manage to look so damn gorgeous?

Well. I found it easy...I was born that way.

 

[Shak]

My hair is a mess, I look fat in a dress. How do you manage to look so damn gorgeous?

I can not believe you ever look anything other than perfection.
However here is a couple of tips that work well for me.

Firstly as a confidence boost. Whenever I look into a mirror. I breath in, sucking in all the wobbly bits. Admire my new found waistline before turning away and letting my breath out. Beware of reflective shop windows when out though. I passed one today and wondered who that fecking lard arse was, walking so close to me with no respect for social distancing. Before realising it was me!

Secondly. Always carry a 3 meter stick with you when out, If someone glances your way poke them in the eyes with it, until their eyes water. When they look at you afterwards. It will give you that nice airbrushed, filter effect that's so popular these days.

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

Beware of reflective shop windows when out though. I passed one today and wondered who that fecking lard arse was, walking so close to me with no respect for social distancing. Before realising it was me!

LOL ^^^^^
but you jest.... Beauty, beauty, thy name is Shak

 

[TacoBelle]

Dear Shak, I recently had a prudish man get offended when I was being sexually graphic to my husband in front of him. When the man made a complaint, he gave my husband all the credit in propositioning me, while it was the other way around . My question is, how do I make a boomer understand that the patriarchy is dead?

 

[Shak]

Dear Shak, I recently had a prudish man get offended when I was being sexually graphic to my husband in front of him. When the man made a complaint, he gave my husband all the credit in propositioning me, while it was the other way around . My question is, how do I make a boomer understand that the patriarchy is dead?

Dear TacoBelle, Alas you've hit a problem I'm unable to solve.
Boomers have no concept of thoughts, ideas or life outside of their closed minds I'm afraid.
They really all should be popped into cages with each other and only be allowed out for exercise once a month.
Until that happens I cope by playing 'Boomer Bingo' with my friends.

The rules are what actions make a 'Boomers' face go the most red and outraged in colour.
Examples of some actions I use are below:

Not having a manager for 'Karen' to complain too!
Start up a chat about periods.
Have your husband kneeling at your feet.(on a lead also works well)
Eat a vegetarian meal.
Mention loudly how much you're looking forward to trying the new strap on 360 on your man later.
Accidentally pull your dildo out of your bag instead of your purse.
When a 'Boomer' approaches you, grab a baby and start breast feeding in front of them (that's always a top scorer)

Full house is when the boomers face turns purple and they start to bluster!

 

[Bad_Influence]

Dear TacoBelle, Alas you've hit a problem I'm unable to solve.
Boomers have no concept of thoughts, ideas or life outside of their closed minds I'm afraid.
They really all should be popped into cages with each other and only be allowed out for exercise once a month.
Until that happens I cope by playing 'Boomer Bingo' with my friends.

The rules are what actions make a 'Boomers' face go the most red and outraged in colour.
Examples of some actions I use are below:

Not having a manager for 'Karen' to complain too!
Start up a chat about periods.
Have your husband kneeling at your feet.(on a lead also works well)
Eat a vegetarian meal.
Mention loudly how much you're looking forward to trying the new strap on 360 on your man later.
Accidentally pull your dildo out of your bag instead of your purse.
When a 'Boomer' approaches you, grab a baby and start breast feeding in front of them (that's always a top scorer)

Full house is when the boomers face turns purple and they start to bluster!

You eat a vegetarian meal? You need help.

 

[Wojcik]

Dear Shak, I recently had a prudish man get offended when I was being sexually graphic to my husband in front of him. When the man made a complaint, he gave my husband all the credit in propositioning me, while it was the other way around . My question is, how do I make a boomer understand that the patriarchy is dead?

Set the prudish man up(hopefully you recognise the man's face) by role reversal. You become the husband, while your husband becomes the wife for a social experiment to see if the same man responds in the same way and gives you the credit this time. He may be startled at first and look at the physical difference between the married couple, but that doesn't matter. It's something the man will never forget, and perhaps he'll learn a lesson in the process.

 

[Shak]

You eat a vegetarian meal? You need help.

Of course I sometimes eat a vegetarian meal. No one eats meat at every meal, unless you sprinkle ham onto your cornflakes?
Amazing how the word Vegetarian upsets 'Boomers' though.... Do tell me what shade of red your face went when you saw the word Vegetarian...

 

[Bad_Influence]

Of course I sometimes eat a vegetarian meal. No one eats meat at every meal, unless you sprinkle ham onto your cornflakes?
Amazing how the word Vegetarian upsets 'Boomers' though.... Do tell me what shade of red your face went when you saw the word Vegetarian...

Not at all. I can accept that some people need to be vegetarian for medical reasons. It's the pretentious folk who think that not eating meat somehow makes them better than everyone else, and bring it up in any and all conversations that annoy me.

 

[Wojcik]

Not at all. I can accept that some people need to be vegetarian for medical reasons. It's the pretentious folk who think that not eating meat somehow makes them better than everyone else, and bring it up in any and all conversations that annoy me.

One of the worst case scenarios is going to a pub with vegetarians, sitting at this round table, when you suddenly realise you're the only one eating steak, as you're being watched with disgust and utter contempt with each mouthful you take.

 

[Bad_Influence]

One of the worst case scenarios is going to a pub with vegetarians, sitting at this round table, when you suddenly realise you're the only one eating steak, as you're being watched with disgust and utter contempt with each mouthful you take.

It’s not disgust and contempt, it’s thinly disguised envy. They just won’t admit it. Lol