Trigger warning: Which do you prefer?

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

TRIGGER WARNING​

GB News vs TalkTV: Which reactionary right-wing televisual shite will you prefer?​

VS

Would you prefer to see Piers Morgan being a gobshite or Nigel Farage being a tosspot?

Take the quiz and find out which of these terrible new channels is for you.

Do you pretend you don’t secretly think fascism sounds like a good idea?

A) Yes. I pretend I just want a bit of common sense back in this country, before quickly sliding into my usual batshit opinions about putting woke people in camps as soon as I feel comfortable enough.

B) No, I’m out and proud about how much I hate foreigners, gays, women and anyone I consider to be dangerously left wing, like Boris Johnson.

Do you prefer American-style glitz to traditional old-school British crapness?

A) I love a professional-looking show with loads of zippy graphics, like Fox News, the channel which is trying to single-handedly save America from Marxists.

B) Absolutely not, it’s a load of fancy nonsense that distracts from important news stories about Nigel Farage shouting at the RNLI through a megaphone.

Do you hate wokeness?

A) No. I’m not against people having opinions. I just don’t want them showcased on television because they’re wrong. Julia Hartley-Brewer says so, okay?

B) Yes, but the truth is that I’d be sad if it didn’t exist as I’d have to get another hobby aside from being incandescent about made-up s.hit all the time.

Do you think Piers Morgan or Nigel Farage would make a better Prime Minister?

A) Piers for sure. He’s a stand-up guy, aside from all that business about phone hacking celebrities. But they probably deserved it for being liberal, tree-hugging, BLM kneelers.

B) Farage because he would deport anyone who isn’t English and heterosexual to France where they belong, the perverts.

Do you have any interest in the actual news?

A) No, I just want to see annoying twats moaning about bulls.hit.

B) No, I just want to see annoying twats moaning about bulls.hit.

Mostly As: You’ll enjoy the swanky sets and top media stars offered by TalkTV, before quickly becoming disillusioned when no one suggests the RAF strafe dinghies as a solution to the refugee crisis.

Mostly Bs: You’re more suited to the shoddy sets, bad lighting and gammon-baiting opinions of GB News, which is essentially like watching Acorn Antiques staffed by the BNP. Enjoy it while it lasts.

via ~ DailyDidNaziSeeThatComing

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Piers Uncensored will upset all the ‘whiny woke over-sensitive snowflakes’ insists man who flounced off live TV after a question from a weatherman​

Piers Morgan sent shockwaves through the nation last night as his new TalkTV show opened in a blaze of controversy.

“No, I didn’t watch it,” said ordinary bloke and representative of most of the population, Kriz Tawfoor.

“And that’s because, if I’m being totally honest, Piers Morgan is a bit of a twat.”

In his first major interview for his new show, Morgan took on renowned wokester and over-sensitive snowflake Donald Trump.

In a shockingly unthinkable line of questioning, Morgan suggested to the former President that the last US election was not, in fact, “stolen”. But some viewers remained unmoved.

“Donald Trump? No, I didn’t see him either,” said Kriz Tawfoor. “Didn’t he used to be President? To be honest, I always thought he was a bit of a twat.”

Nevertheless, Piers Morgan has insisted that he will never stop defending free speech, telling viewers, “I’m saying the unsayable. That’s what I’m saying. And all those Guardian-reading muesli-munchers can go choke on their organic kumquats.”

Said Kriz Tawfoor, “I prefer cornflakes, actually.”

Finally, having failed to offend anyone, Piers Morgan announced plans for his next show, when he plans to flounce off live on air after an argument about organic cornflakes.

via ~ DailyFlouncer