The Religions thread

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A ratty witch in a chat room once said she was invoking the egyptian goddess Sekhmet to come and deal with me; I put the kettle on but she never turned up.
Hey guys, don't you just hate getting stood up by goddesses?
Mind you after seeing this pic on the net I wouldn't have known whether to tickle her chin or offer her a saucer of milk-

 

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THE THREE WISE MEN- "We bring gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh"
JOSEPH- "Thanks, we'll have the gold but you can keep that other crap whatever it is"

 

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SATAN THE SNAKE - "Hmm, that apple looks yummy, I'd grab it if I were you"
EVE - "I'm not supposed to touch it"
SATAN - "Don't be daft, if you don't have it Adam will, and then laugh at you for being a dumb little girly, you know how men are"
EVE - "I'm forbidden to have it"
SATAN - "Hmm...Your skin looks a bit dry, fresh fruit would work wonders for your complexion"
EVE - "Leave me alone!"
SATAN - "It'll just rot if left on the tree, what a waste.."
EVE - "Shut up"
SATAN - "Apples are good for teeth, you don't want yours to turn black do you?"
EVE - "Oh be quiet!"
SATAN - "You'll get scurvy without vitamin C and your gums will puff up like a boxers gumshield"..
EVE - "Clam up!"
SATAN - "Okay okay, scuse me for breathing, none of my business if you want to end up looking like a cross between Mike Tyson and Nancy Pelosi"..
EVE - "Hmm okay, I'd better eat it, but don't tell anyone"
SATAN - "Sure, sure, you can trust me"..

 

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1: LOT - "Don't look back towards Sodom and Gomorrah!"
2: WIFE - "Stop telling me what to friggin do!"
3- Zap-zap-zap-zap-..
4- WIFE- "Oh f*ck.."

 

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JESUS- "Come on out of there Lazarus mate, your mam sez yer dinner's ready"

 

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Hey Jesus, what do you think about letting ungrateful scrounging heathen immigrants into our Christian countries and housing, feeding and welfaring them?

 

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In 'The Wicker Man', Christopher Lee presents this young boy to the landlords daughter in line with Pagan custom so she can instruct him in the art of lovemaking.
No doubt the scene offended stuffy mainstream religionists, but personally i think he's a lucky little f*cker-

 

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It seems catholic priests don't like girls, no surprise there then..

 

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That Marmoo freak on the left looks like something out of 'Quatermass and the Pit'-

 

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"Cleanliness is next to godliness" is a phrase NOT in the Bible, and is DEBUNKED..
Jesus's young cousin John was a world-rejecter who lived off-grid outside town, dressed rough and ate wild food.
Jesus's verdict on him?-
"John is the greatest man ever to be born" (Matt 11:11)

Below: John chilling-



John sometimes went in town to yell insults at the corrupt rulers-
JOHN- "You two are going up the spout!"
HEROD'S TART- "Who's he?"
HEROD- "Just some hippy"

 

[A_Son_of_God]

A ratty witch in a chat room once said she was invoking the egyptian goddess Sekhmet to come and deal with me; I put the kettle on but she never turned up.
Hey guys, don't you just hate getting stood up by goddesses?
Mind you after seeing this pic on the net I wouldn't have known whether to tickle her chin or offer her a saucer of milk-

View attachment 12151

Well, she's already got a drink...

 

[A_Son_of_God]

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SATAN THE SNAKE - "Hmm, that apple looks yummy, I'd grab it if I were you"
EVE - "I'm not supposed to touch it"
SATAN - "Don't be daft, if you don't have it Adam will, and then laugh at you for being a dumb little girly, you know how men are"
EVE - "I'm forbidden to have it"
SATAN - "Hmm...Your skin looks a bit dry, fresh fruit would work wonders for your complexion"
EVE - "Leave me alone!"
SATAN - "It'll just rot if left on the tree, what a waste.."
EVE - "Shut up"
SATAN - "Apples are good for teeth, you don't want yours to turn black do you?"
EVE - "Oh be quiet!"
SATAN - "You'll get scurvy without vitamin C and your gums will puff up like a boxers gumshield"..
EVE - "Clam up!"
SATAN - "Okay okay, scuse me for breathing, none of my business if you want to end up looking like a cross between Mike Tyson and Nancy Pelosi"..
EVE - "Hmm okay, I'd better eat it, but don't tell anyone"
SATAN - "Sure, sure, you can trust me"..

I didn't know that there was a cross in between Mike Tyson and Nancy Pelosi. Who put it there? I mean, which one thinks the other is a vampire?

 

[Raining_Roses]

A ratty witch in a chat room once said she was invoking the egyptian goddess Sekhmet to come and deal with me; I put the kettle on but she never turned up.
Hey guys, don't you just hate getting stood up by goddesses?
Mind you after seeing this pic on the net I wouldn't have known whether to tickle her chin or offer her a saucer of milk-

View attachment 12151

I hate to disappoint you all, but your 'God' is likely a 10 yr old boy playing SIMS and you are a simulation.

 

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I hate to disappoint you all, but your 'God' is likely a 10 yr old boy playing SIMS and you are a simulation.

Yup, anything's possible..

 

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Or our 'reality' might just be a 'dream'..
If that's the case, Jesus might have been a 'Master of the Art of Dream Manipulation', bending 'reality' to produce what looked like 37 miracles to people-

Miracles of Jesus Christ - Free Chat Rooms
"..even though you do not believe me, believe the miracles, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father." (John 10:38)
Bringing little girl back to life
Bringing widows son back to life
Bringing Lazarus back to life
Stilling the storm
Feeding 4000
Walking on sea
Feeding 5000
Coin in fishes mouth
Withering fig tree
Big catch of fish
Water into wine
Another big fish catch
Healing leper
Healing Centurions servant
Healing Peters mother-in-law
Healing sick at evening
Healing paralysed man
Healing haemorraging woman
Healing two blind men
Healing mans withered hand
Healing Canaanite womans daughter
Healing boy with seizures
Healing blind man
Healing deaf and dumb man
Healing another blind man
Healing crippled woman
Healing man with dropsy
Healing 10 lepers
Restoring a cut-off ear
Healing noblemans sons fever
Healing crippled man at Bethesda
Healing a born-blind man
Casting out demons into pigs
Curing a mute lunatic
Casting out dirty spirit
Curing a possessed blind-dumb man
Appeared to his followers after his death

Furthermore he said WE could do that stuff too if we had the knack-
"If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20)
In fact perhaps prayer is a form of manipulation, nudging 'reality' in the direction we want it to go?
But whether we're flesh-and-blood creatures or just exist as cyber-figures in a simulation, our reality is the only reality we know, so we have to make the best of it and share the sergeant's view..-

 

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As regards all of us being inside a fake illusion, I think I'd be unhappy like Kirk, knowing it wasn't real-

 

[A_Son_of_God]

I hate to disappoint you all, but your 'God' is likely a 10 yr old boy playing SIMS and you are a simulation.

In a sense, there is some truth to this. You only exist because God wills it. Otherwise, we're nothing. There is no "survival of the fittest" that made matter decide to exist instead of energy. There is no scientific reason why so much complexity has gone into life - not one single reason - unless one considers God has a purpose, and we're only here on His mercy.

 

[Raining_Roses]

 

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In a sense, there is some truth to this. You only exist because God wills it. Otherwise, we're nothing..

Yes, young Jeremiah was told by God that he wanted him to be his prophet-
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
But he tried to talk his way out of the job-
“Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” (Jeremiah 1:6)
but God said "just get on yer bike and do it, i've got your back", and he became a great prophet.

So the question arises as to why God picked him in the first place instead of somebody who would have wanted the job.
In fact other characters also didn't want to be prophets, they certainly weren't Charlton Heston types..
Moses tried to wriggle out-"O Lord, I have never been eloquent, I am slow of speech and tongue...Please send someone else.” (Exodus 4:10-13)
And Jonah was so scared he refused pointblank to be a prophet and jumped on a ship to escape-
"Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish." (Jonah 1:3)
Bad call..

 

[Altair]

In a sense, there is some truth to this. You only exist because God wills it. Otherwise, we're nothing. There is no "survival of the fittest" that made matter decide to exist instead of energy. There is no scientific reason why so much complexity has gone into life - not one single reason - unless one considers God has a purpose, and we're only here on His mercy.

WHAT?

We only exist because God wills it?.

Your Creator GOD also Created Bone Cancer in Children. (Totally Innocent Children.)

Such Misery, injustice and pain...that is NOT our fault or our making.

What kind of GOD creates a world like that?

How dare you say WE only exist because GOD wills it.

We exist because of exploding Stars. No GOD or GOD'S were involved.

STOP Spreading your crap.