TwoWhalesInAPool
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Well that's us sorted for life, say Britons getting 400 quid
Grateful Britons are relieved that the cost of living crisis is now over thanks to Rishi Sunak’s incredibly generous one-off payment of £400.
With the cash bonanza due in just three months’ time, millions of people are planning luxurious lifestyle changes such as being warm, not living off instant noodles and doing the washing up with hot water.
Father-of-twelve, unemployable Kriz Tawfhoor (63) said: “After worrying about every penny, we’re finally where we want to be financially. I said to my wife Borisina, ‘If you want to put the oven on and heat up an Asda smart price lasagne, you do it. Money no object.’
“Obviously £400 changes everything, but we won’t forget where we came from. Last night we put the heating on and invited all our friends round to sit by the radiator. When you’re doing well in life it’s important to give something back.”
Sawff Yure, 68, said: “Like so many of my old generation, I’m sick of renting and want to move from this hostel. What I’ll do is withdraw some of my cost-of-living payment and put down a deposit on a two-bed tent. It’ll cover that, right?”
However Wayne Hayes, 19, said: “Spend it while you’ve got it, I say. Tonight I’m having an extra-large doner, then tomorrow I’m going to my local Porsche dealership to see what they can fix me up with.”
Conservative MP Susan Robbingfuck said: “I would remind Britons that the £400 is for gas and electricity. I’d have preferred that we pay it in instalments, say £3 a week, and only if you can prove you don’t smoke, drink, own a tv or mobile phone.”
via ~ DailyLoadsaMunny
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