Should it remain legal to smack your children in Engand?

[Saphire]

"England should consider following Scotland and Wales in banning the smacking of children, the children's commissioner has said.
Dame Rachel de Souza has signalled her support for changing the law to give children the same protection from assault as adults.
She told Times Radio: "I absolutely abhor, and I'm against, violence of any kind against children."

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"Smacking children should not be banned says Nadhim Zahawi
Education Secretary rejects ban as 'nanny state' politics, as MPs called for a debate on the issue."

 

[Saphire]

My own view is, sometimes a smack may work, I smacked my own son less than a handful of times, it definitely worked at the time..
Would I use the same method now? I doubt it, times have changed.
Smacking was a last resort, it made me feel awful, my son (now an adult) doesn't hold a grudge, he doesn't even remember clearly, I do though... which means it probably affected me more than him.

 

[Saphire]

I honestly thought it already was against the law.

In my opinion too many wouldn’t understand the difference between discipline and abuse. I was smacked (not beaten and certainly not excessively) as a kid and it certainly didn’t teach me that violence is the answer to everything. It did however teach right from wrong, respect, and that actions have consequences.
I never had the need to raise my hand to my daughter (lucky I suppose) and I’m not sure what I’d have done if put in that position, but I do think kids today are taught that if they scream and shout enough they will get what they want. You only have to look at many young adults to see where this approach leads.
Discipline is a thing of the past, and sitting kids on the ‘naughty step’ then taking them for a McDonalds is certainly not the answer.

I can only remember being smacked once when I was a kid, by my mum, and I suppose I remember it because it was such a rare occurrence.
My husband never hit my son, I honestly think it's different for a man to smack a child, probably because they could be they too heavy handed.

It is illegal in Scotland and Wales, not so in England, as long as a person doesn't use an implement or make a mark, like a welt or a bruise, which would tip a smack over into abuse.

The argument for making smacking illegal is that it IS abuse.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

There is a very fine line between a slap as a punishment and a slap because the parent has poor parenting skills and is venting frustration at not being able to discipline the child. Unfortunately, many parents don't know where that line is, so they need it enforced by law.

Ashamedly, I did use a 'smack' as a last resort punishment for my son and the threat of it was there. No excuse other than ignorance, but this was many years ago when smacking was an acceptable punishment and there was little consideration to the effects of it, other than it deterred unwanted behaviour. Nevertheless, the sprog didn't grow up scared of me, angry or aggressive, and he certainty didn't grow up familiar with violence. Like yourself @Saphire my guilt is bigger than his recollection!

We've moved on as a society; we know more about how children develop emotionally and we have easier access to alternative, more effective methods of behavioural conditioning, so there's no need for it.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

The argument for making smacking illegal is that it IS abuse.

It is a form of abuse. A healthy minded adult doesn't go up to another adult and smack them on the hand or bum, if they do something they don't want them to do, so why do it to a child.

It demonstrates poor parenting skills, just as punching someone demonstrates poor communication skills. The person acts out physically, because they don't know how else to deal with the situation/other person and their emotions related to it/them.

 

[Saphire]

It is a form of abuse. A healthy minded adult doesn't go up to another adult and smack them on the hand or bum, if they do something they don't want them to do, so why do it to a child.

It demonstrates poor parenting skills, just as punching someone demonstrates poor communication skills. The person acts out physically, because they don't know how else to deal with the situation/other person and their emotions related to it/them.

I agree.
Sadly, some parents dont have to slap, they find other ways.
I have heard parents swearing and verbally abusing young kids, shouting in their faces, not slapping, but yanking their arm to hurry them along....it's all abuse really.

Any wonder that some kids have no respect for others, they learn by example.

 

[Saphire]

My daughter never heard me swear until she was 18, despite me being a potty-mouth at work. Even now, she’s 27, she gets embarrassed if she swears in front of me. Lol

She obviously returns the respect you showed her.
I swear sometimes, but I never swore in front of my mum because she never swore in front of me....in fact I dont think she ever swore in her life.

People in general seem to swear more now than they used to.

 

[Poco_Loco]

Kids shouldn't be hit period.

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

You might not believe me, but I was once stopped by the police for smacking the children. Now, I don't want you to think i'm a violent person, quite the reverse actually, I can only think of one other occasion when I disciplined the children with my hand, I'm reminded of this, what with today being 'Blossom watch day', and that was when they knocked most of the flowers off our pink blossom tree. You may very well think that was an overreaction on my part, and I would agree with you now. Anyone who has a blossom tree will know that it sits there in the garden all year round, then flowers for just two weeks! And there they were, using the clothes prop to knock the blossoms off the tree! i just lost it, something I regret to this day.
Anyway, back to the crime! It was a good few years ago, I was driving along, I had two of them in the back, they were still in car seats, so they must have been about 5 and 6. They were playing havoc, throwing things, really distracting me. I stopped the car, turned to them gave them a real bollocking and gave them 2/3 slaps on each hand, probably harder than I should have done. Next thing I know, the police have pulled up alongside me, and I don't mean a little panda car. No, one of those big yellow riot vans, full of police. She winds the window down and asks me what do I think i'm doing... Now, I know what i'd like to have replied "none of your business". But of course, never being one for confrontation, and certainly not with the police, I explained to her that they were distracting me, and i was afraid of having an accident. She suggested that in future I don't drive alone with the kids, but bring my partner with me. Then they drove off.
Two incidents that I now regret, but i'm not beating myself up over it. There are some things you just can't undo...
But no, I don't believe in smacking children, and it should be illegal. And if you got this far, I apologise for turning this into an essay!

 

[Saphire]

You might not believe me, but I was once stopped by the police for smacking the children. Now, I don't want you to think i'm a violent person, quite the reverse actually, I can only think of one other occasion when I disciplined the children with my hand, I'm reminded of this, what with today being 'Blossom watch day', and that was when they knocked most of the flowers off our pink blossom tree. You may very well think that was an overreaction on my part, and I would agree with you now. Anyone who has a blossom tree will know that it sits there in the garden all year round, then flowers for just two weeks! And there they were, using the clothes prop to knock the blossoms off the tree! i just lost it, something I regret to this day.
Anyway, back to the crime! It was a good few years ago, I was driving along, I had two of them in the back, they were still in car seats, so they must have been about 5 and 6. They were playing havoc, throwing things, really distracting me. I stopped the car, turned to them gave them a real bollocking and gave them 2/3 slaps on each hand, probably harder than I should have done. Next thing I know, the police have pulled up alongside me, and I don't mean a little panda car. No, one of those big yellow riot vans, full of police. She winds the window down and asks me what do I think i'm doing... Now, I know what i'd like to have replied "none of your business". But of course, never being one for confrontation, and certainly not with the police, I explained to her that they were distracting me, and i was afraid of having an accident. She suggested that in future I don't drive alone with the kids, but bring my partner with me. Then they drove off.
Two incidents that I now regret, but i'm not beating myself up over it. There are some things you just can't undo...
But no, I don't believe in smacking children, and it should be illegal. And if you got this far, I apologise for turning this into an essay!

Don't apologise, your posts are always interesting.

Anyone who condemns a mum for slapping a child on the hand, leg, bottom, when they are under extreme pressure...probably isn't a parent, or maybe they have the one child in the world who has never pushed a loving parent to the edge....which obviously kids can do from time to time.

I really sympathise about the cherry tree, they are so beautiful, but their beauty is so fleeting.

My memory of slapping my son....we were on holiday in Spain, I will explain, my son was hyperactive...diagnosed before it became fashionable to put the label on kids who were often just normal boisterous kids.

Anyway, his behaviour was getting worse and worse as the holiday wore on, his normal hyperactive behaviour was turning into sullenness and he was being cheeky and really uncooperative...he was about 10 or 11.
We were waiting at the little railway station in Palma to take us to the beautiful resort of Solair, but he was so rude we were on the verge of cancelling and going back to the hotel, frankly, I felt like I was on the verge of getting a flight home.
He said something really out of order.....can't even remember what, but I slapped his face, something I had never done, before or since....and I could have cried the moment I had done it.

But.....and it was probably shock, he went quiet for a while, we got on the train, by the time we arrived in Solair he seemed to have forgotten, he was nice, and my normal, cheeky, funny son was back....the rest of the holiday was brilliant.

Was it a mistake? probably, but it worked, I wouldn't recommend anyone to slap their children, but I can understand very well why it sometimes happens.

 

[The_Lizard]

I think it is good to smack children, it teaches them who is boss, and naughty behaviour should not be tolerated at all.

 

[Saphire]

I think it is good to smack children, it teaches them who is boss, and naughty behaviour should not be tolerated at all.

Smacking isn't the only way to teach a child the right and wrong way to act though...it's outdated, and will probably soon be illegal.
How will people who rely on smacking their kids, cope then I wonder.

 

[paolinho]

Assuming that the authorities who enforce any legal misdeameanours around hitting children find out from certain people - maybe even the children - reporting it, I think those same authorities should educate the children, rather than criminalise their parents.

 

[Saphire]

Assuming that the authorities who enforce any legal misdeameanours around hitting children find out from certain people - maybe even the children - reporting it, I think those same authorities should educate the children, rather than criminalise their parents.

So you want the authorities to bring up your kids to know right from wrong?
Surely that's a parents job.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

Assuming that the authorities who enforce any legal misdeameanours around hitting children find out from certain people - maybe even the children - reporting it, I think those same authorities should educate the children, rather than criminalise their parents.

So you want the authorities to bring up your kids to know right from wrong?
Surely that's a parents job.

It's already illegal where I am and I've already alluded to my job, so I'm not going to in this post, but I can say it's going through the normal child abuse channels, i.e. child services. Where before the law came in, reports of smacking or minor physical chastisement we're generally followed up with a visit or investigations via school, health visitor, G.P, etc and then case closed as 'justified punishment' (if no other issues found and evidenced corroboration in events leading up to the punishment); now the case won't be closed and parents/circumstances will be more thoroughly investigated, parenting support put it, etc and if deemed necessary, it means more power to children's services and police to initiate a charge against parents.

 

[paolinho]

No Saphire, kids dont necessarily get hit because they did anything wrong, so the education I suggested would take the form of supporting them to understand what makes people over-react.

 

[Saphire]

No Saphire, kids dont necessarily get hit because they did anything wrong, so the education I suggested would take the form of supporting them to understand what makes people over-react.

Better to educate the parents surely.
Kids who are hit by parents even when they have done nothing wrong need protection not education.

 

[paolinho]

Well the protection would have to be real, and not just token gestures from the local authority social services.