Racy lithographs and Saucy etchings

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Jacob Rees Mogg accused of using Commons chamber to look at saucy etchings​

Conservative MP Jacob Rees Mogg has been accused of perusing racy lithographs and saucy etchings whilst sitting on the front benches of the House of Commons.

The accusation came from a female MP who was behind Rees Mogg as he lay horizontally across the front bench during Prime Minister’s Questions.

“I heard Jacob muttering ‘phwoaar!” and “look at that saucy firm-buttocked minx” claimed anonymous source, Kriz Tawfoor.

“He was making some very unusual noises, the sort that I haven’t heard since Sid James watched Barbara Windsor working out in Carry On Camping.

“And then I saw that he was looking at some rather frank images of appropriately clad ladies frolicking on a beach in Victorian times. One of them, which seemed to excite Jacob enormously, showed a woman in a full length bathing dress lifting up her hem to brazenly show her ankles.

“He also had some pictures of native African ladies in the National Geographic but seemed to be having difficulty prising the pages apart.”

The MP for North East Somerset has refused to comment on the specific allegations but has admitted that he does maintain a large collection of risqué engravings.

“What red-blooded young fellow doesn’t have a stash of Victorian erotica that he keeps in the west wing of a country house?” said Rees Mogg.

“As Minister for Brexit Opportunities, I have a lot of time on my hands so have to fill my days somehow.”

Meanwhile, Labour leader Keir Starmer has defended his deputy Angela Rayner after she was accused of crossing and uncrossing her legs like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct to distract Boris Johnson at PMQs.

“These allegations are completely false,” Starmer told the House.

“You should probably be looking on the other side of the chamber if you’re genuinely worried about c.unts on public display.”

via ~ DailySnollygoster