Privileges the double-vaccinated will have within a month

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

The double-vaccinated will soon be allowed to attend gigs, go to nightclubs, travel abroad and put their rubbish in your wheelie bin.

What else?



* Allowed to use your downstairs toilet without asking even if not a tradesman

* Go through supermarket checkouts after 4pm on a Sunday

* Get Japanese-only import tracks on albums

* Exempted from hosepipe bans

* Diplomatic immunity

* Straight to the front of the queue for Stealth at Thorpe Park, even if you’ve literally just got off

* Complimentary meet-and-greet with Peter Andre

* Phone call from a lower-league footballer

* Drink-driving limit raised to three pints

* Can order cinemas to fast-forward credits of Marvel film straight to extra scene

* Own personal branch of Pret A Manger

* Choice of exclusive Professor Chris Whitty or Professor Jonathan Van-Tam skins on Fortnite

* Legal cannabis

* Joie de vivre and spring in step guaranteed

* Can order breakfast at McDonald’s right up until noon

* Secret September bank holiday

* Can choose one unvaccinated person within a 1.2 mile radius of their home address to be tarred and feathered and run out of town

* Massively reduced risk of contracting, getting hospitalised with or dying from fvcking Covid

Jump the queue at Thorpe Park, and 17 other privileges the double-vaccinated will have within a month

THE double-vaccinated will soon be allowed to attend gigs, go to nightclubs, travel abroad and put their rubbish in your wheelie bin. What else?

www.thedailymash.co.uk