Newly unemployed!

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

ha ha + ha. The far right c.unt has been booted. Only 349 c.unt's to go.



Newly unemployed Cruella Braverman has been caught tent shopping, in what one presumes is a lifestyle choice.

The former Home Secretary and 13th worst modern Tory (list available on request) was snapped exiting a branch of CampULike with a half-price, single occupancy CampMaster 5000.

”Oh, this? It’s… er… a gift, for someone. Yes, I give gifts to people. To the many pretend friends I have.

”This definitely isn’t for me or for a change of lifestyle I’ve suddenly chosen for myself. Be assured of that.

”On an unrelated topic, which shop doorways are typically the warmest? You look like you might know… I imagine it’s John Lewis or somewhere similar?”

CampULike salesperson, Si Willis, told us, “She approached the till with tears in her eyes. I felt sorry for her until I realised who she was, and then I chuckled and doubled the price.

”I told her not to worry, those police officers for whom she had such kind words will be more than sympathetic when they find her sleeping rough in Hyde Park.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Shock as inquiry reveals Met Police show ‘institutional hostility’ towards people who hurl bottles at them​

Recently-sacked Suella Braverman has been vindicated after a government inquiry showed that the Metropolitan Police showed “widespread and entrenched antipathy” towards patriots who try to jab broken bottles into their faces after a few breakfast beers.

Several whistle-blowers have come forward during the inquiry and confirmed that there was a culture of hatred towards anyone that sent a police officer to hospital with critical injuries. As confirmed by Si Willis, a retired detective constable from the Met’s elite vice squad.

He went on, “It’s so pervasive it becomes impossible not to be affected by it. Canteen gossip is obsessed with PCs being glassed or being burned by lit signal flares. And the language used towards the people who assault us is outright hateful.

“The worst thing is the glorification of coppers who use violence against rampaging hooligans. I’ve seen with my own eyes a female PC wade in with her baton and strike dozens of Stone Island wearers who were doing nothing more than stomping on a paramedic for wearing a turban. Far from being reprimanded, she was celebrated and applauded in the nick.

“I’ve seen dogs, horses and tear gas being used on people who came to London to bravely protect our monuments from the Taliban and sniff cocaine off a Wetherspoons urinal. I’ve seen desk sergeants add charges on prisoners who accidentally spat on them. And all the while the brass looked on!”

A spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police said that the force accepted the findings of the inquiry and undertook to change its attitudes towards 50-year-old illiterate old men who brawl in pub car parks.

However, they strongly denied that the Met gave preferential treatment towards minorities.

“Our record on dealing with minorities, especially those with dark skin, speaks for itself.”

TY@NT