SamBally
Dance with me until the sun rises!
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DESPITE apparently not existing in 2019, just prior to the election when Corbyn proposed nationalising the energy sector, the magic money tree is set to cut UK energy bills by hundreds of pounds, it has emerged.
The sudden yield of £15 billion has come as a surprise to many because it was thought the fictional tree had been harvested to exhaustion due to the furlough scheme.
Magic money tree proprietor Rishi Sunak said: “As I went to bed last night I looked out the window and noticed there was barely a penny to be seen on its stunted, withered branches. It gave me nightmares.
“So imagine my delight when I woke up this morning and saw that its boughs were weighed down with a hefty crop of ten, 20, even 50-pound notes. I immediately ran out in my pyjamas to gather them in my picking basket.
“Now I can knock hundreds of pounds off winter energy bills, scrap that terrible £200 loan idea everyone hated, and salvage my tarnished public image. Everyone’s a winner.”
Sceptic Dave Pile, aged 59, said: “It’s not the existence of the magic money tree I have trouble believing. It’s the idea that this isn't a distraction from the Covid-19 conspiracy and which is clearly total bullshit.”
The sudden yield of £15 billion has come as a surprise to many because it was thought the fictional tree had been harvested to exhaustion due to the furlough scheme.
Magic money tree proprietor Rishi Sunak said: “As I went to bed last night I looked out the window and noticed there was barely a penny to be seen on its stunted, withered branches. It gave me nightmares.
“So imagine my delight when I woke up this morning and saw that its boughs were weighed down with a hefty crop of ten, 20, even 50-pound notes. I immediately ran out in my pyjamas to gather them in my picking basket.
“Now I can knock hundreds of pounds off winter energy bills, scrap that terrible £200 loan idea everyone hated, and salvage my tarnished public image. Everyone’s a winner.”
Sceptic Dave Pile, aged 59, said: “It’s not the existence of the magic money tree I have trouble believing. It’s the idea that this isn't a distraction from the Covid-19 conspiracy and which is clearly total bullshit.”