TwoWhalesInAPool
UKChat Celebrity
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2018
- Messages
- 3,665
- Reaction score
- 2,234
How to have sex with a Union Flag
Are you an ardent ‘flag shagger’ called Kriz Tawfhoor, who’d like to literally have sexual intercourse with a Union Flag?
Here’s how to go about it, 'get it done', if you’re a patriotic weirdo.
Pay your flag compliments
Not cheesy chat-up lines like ‘I think Heaven must be missing a flag’. Say things like: ‘I think that large red cross goes really well with your white diagonal lines and blue triangles.’
Have a romantic meal with your flag
Make an effort and cook something special like lobster thermidor, not just spaghetti Bolognese. Don’t make too much food though, as flags don’t eat anything. And be careful if it’s a candlelit dinner, because your flag catching fire could ruin your evening.
Ask your flag questions about itself
Getting to know your Union Flag shows you’re genuinely interested in them as a flag and not just looking for a cheap flag-shag. Try ‘So what’s it like being up a flagpole all day?’ or ‘What are your long-term plans in the flag industry?’.
Foreplay
When the time comes to make love to your Union Flag, foreplay is important. Try licking it, gently nibbling on the edges or sensually playing with its bit of string like the weird nationalist that you are.
Be a considerate flag shagger
Make sure your flag’s sexual needs are satisfied. Luckily flags don’t have orgasms, so basically all you need to do is give it a quick go in the washing machine in the morning.
Text your flag promptly the next day
If you’re serious about this relationship – which you are – let your flag know with a text. One day you might even get married to your flag and start a family of little half-human flag babies, which is surely what Tory twats like Robert Jenrick and Oliver Dowden have considered.
When you have a w.ank
Remember to wipe your spaff from your spaff tool using your sexy, horny as hell flag.
via ~ DailyGammonFlappyFlaggyShaggyWankyVibes
Last edited:
