Hello all, I trying to make sense of a recent situation where my good friend of 26yrs recently ended our friendship. Originally I had arranged with them for us to take both our children to Butlins for a short stay when one of the promotions was on. We had discussed doing this trip earlier in the year and were both happy at the time. I informed them that I would look out for any deals during the year and if they came up, I would contact them.
One evening the opportunity came up with a Butlins promotions.So I contacted my friend and asked if they would be interested in joining myself and my daughter for a short stay. They agreed to go. So I said in that case should I book the deposit to save our date. They informed me , it was fine to do so so I made the deposit booking. Butlins didn't require the rest of the money until a further 4-5 weeks. I sent my friend confirmation of the deposit being paid. She would need to pay for her travel maybe some food and a portion of the game tokens, coming up to around £120. During the next four weeks my friend had gone on to cancel at least three play dates between our daughters.
The second Butlins installments was due and paid for. I informed her if she cancels Butlins have highlighted that there's no refund at this stage, I informed her if she cancel's going to the trip she would need to pay me back £200 because I wasn't going to be paying out all this money for an apartment that was booked for all 5 of us to use together (she was also bringing her son). She said ok. 2 weeks later 1 week before the trip she cancels going. My daughter was devastated as this was going to be her first trip away and now she didn't want to go without her best friend, which is my friend's daughter both the girls are best friends. At this stage, I'd also brought additional tokens to use for the games there and spent money on a new suitcase and other things to take with us.
I asked her why she was cancelling She said, she changed her mind and that she didn't really want to go in the first place only said yes because of her daughter. So I said, well, in that case you can pay a Portion towards your part of the trip and pay the £200 in the next 2-3 weeks.
I didn't end up going on the trip because my daughter was so devastated that her friend wasn't going with her. I contacted Butlins to see if perhaps I could move the date , but they said , if I do so I d have to pay an additional £900, as I was already getting this on a promotion , I didn't end up going on the trip, due to my friend's cancellation.
However, once my friend paid me back the two hundred pound around two weeks later , she then proceeded to send message expressing how angry she was that she had to make this payment to me and that because of this , she no longer wants are too daughters to see each other.
She expressed that she felt it was my fault that she had to pay £200, And that I should have done more to tell her about it. Although she had previously acknowledged and accepted the information I gave her about the two hundred pound at the time of the second booking payment.
But it really stood out to me was that in her message she expressed not wanting the girls to see each other over THIS.
I tried to call her to speak to her about the situation , but she refused to pick up the phone.
Then it dawned on me Although we had been best friends for twenty six years , and money has never been an issue between us. Recently, I had a bit of progression in my life.I was currently at a stage where I was completing my third degree and taken on a specialist role in the NHS. Unfortunately for her, she has a degree that she hasn't used in 20 years and was currently not working which I understood. But I began to wonder , if this change in dynamic had affected , our relationship, since I took on the specialist role, she got more distant and started canselling the girl's play dates a lot more.
We then went on to not speak to each other for Several months until this week. Where in messages She expressed that she had issues with me for the past few years , and just didn't say anything . She highlighted the issue was that I would organise the girls yearly trip and she found this controlling, I asked her , why didn't she didn't say anything to me about this earlier but instead wait for years. I highlighted to her there's been occasions where I would wait for her to plan something and she would take no action for months, and she wouldn't do anything then would normally cancel most occasions. Leaving both girls disappointed.
But then I started to remember over the last 3 years, my career is really starting take off, during this time she became more distant calling me less and cancelling girls seeing each other more.
I'm annoyed because during our conversation yesterday. She expressed that she thinks I'm totally at fault for this, and she has refused to take any accountability for her being dishonest to me for the last three years of our relationship. If she felt more distant to me over the last 3 years, like she expressed yesterday.Why didn't she say something sooner instead of pretending to be my friend.
Now she doesn't want our daughters to see each other and will only allow them to talk on the phone when she sees fit.
One evening the opportunity came up with a Butlins promotions.So I contacted my friend and asked if they would be interested in joining myself and my daughter for a short stay. They agreed to go. So I said in that case should I book the deposit to save our date. They informed me , it was fine to do so so I made the deposit booking. Butlins didn't require the rest of the money until a further 4-5 weeks. I sent my friend confirmation of the deposit being paid. She would need to pay for her travel maybe some food and a portion of the game tokens, coming up to around £120. During the next four weeks my friend had gone on to cancel at least three play dates between our daughters.
The second Butlins installments was due and paid for. I informed her if she cancels Butlins have highlighted that there's no refund at this stage, I informed her if she cancel's going to the trip she would need to pay me back £200 because I wasn't going to be paying out all this money for an apartment that was booked for all 5 of us to use together (she was also bringing her son). She said ok. 2 weeks later 1 week before the trip she cancels going. My daughter was devastated as this was going to be her first trip away and now she didn't want to go without her best friend, which is my friend's daughter both the girls are best friends. At this stage, I'd also brought additional tokens to use for the games there and spent money on a new suitcase and other things to take with us.
I asked her why she was cancelling She said, she changed her mind and that she didn't really want to go in the first place only said yes because of her daughter. So I said, well, in that case you can pay a Portion towards your part of the trip and pay the £200 in the next 2-3 weeks.
I didn't end up going on the trip because my daughter was so devastated that her friend wasn't going with her. I contacted Butlins to see if perhaps I could move the date , but they said , if I do so I d have to pay an additional £900, as I was already getting this on a promotion , I didn't end up going on the trip, due to my friend's cancellation.
However, once my friend paid me back the two hundred pound around two weeks later , she then proceeded to send message expressing how angry she was that she had to make this payment to me and that because of this , she no longer wants are too daughters to see each other.
She expressed that she felt it was my fault that she had to pay £200, And that I should have done more to tell her about it. Although she had previously acknowledged and accepted the information I gave her about the two hundred pound at the time of the second booking payment.
But it really stood out to me was that in her message she expressed not wanting the girls to see each other over THIS.
I tried to call her to speak to her about the situation , but she refused to pick up the phone.
Then it dawned on me Although we had been best friends for twenty six years , and money has never been an issue between us. Recently, I had a bit of progression in my life.I was currently at a stage where I was completing my third degree and taken on a specialist role in the NHS. Unfortunately for her, she has a degree that she hasn't used in 20 years and was currently not working which I understood. But I began to wonder , if this change in dynamic had affected , our relationship, since I took on the specialist role, she got more distant and started canselling the girl's play dates a lot more.
We then went on to not speak to each other for Several months until this week. Where in messages She expressed that she had issues with me for the past few years , and just didn't say anything . She highlighted the issue was that I would organise the girls yearly trip and she found this controlling, I asked her , why didn't she didn't say anything to me about this earlier but instead wait for years. I highlighted to her there's been occasions where I would wait for her to plan something and she would take no action for months, and she wouldn't do anything then would normally cancel most occasions. Leaving both girls disappointed.
But then I started to remember over the last 3 years, my career is really starting take off, during this time she became more distant calling me less and cancelling girls seeing each other more.
I'm annoyed because during our conversation yesterday. She expressed that she thinks I'm totally at fault for this, and she has refused to take any accountability for her being dishonest to me for the last three years of our relationship. If she felt more distant to me over the last 3 years, like she expressed yesterday.Why didn't she say something sooner instead of pretending to be my friend.
Now she doesn't want our daughters to see each other and will only allow them to talk on the phone when she sees fit.
