Desperate to avoid taking the blame

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

‘It is time to take personal responsibility’ insists man who has abandoned two wives and an unknown number of children​

Boris Johnson has announced an end to Covid restrictions in England and insisted it is time for people to take ‘personal responsibility’ for their actions – because that’s precisely the sort of thing you’ll find if you take a cursory look at his personal history.

Johnson told reporters and viewers that all Covid related government restrictions will end on Thursday, but that people are free to exercise their personal responsibility in deciding whether to wear a mask in certain situations.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “Well, that’s very nice of him. Personal responsibility is obviously a big part of Boris Johnson’s core values – what with all the ex-wives and children he’s left in his wake.

“Being lectured on personal responsibility by Boris Johnson is like being lectured on the do’s and don’ts of high-profile networking by Prince Andrew.

“This is a man who ignored the rules on parties and socialising when it was actually against the law to do so, but now he expects people to apply personal responsibility even though they can legally do what they like?

“I get it, he is desperate to avoid taking the blame for anything bad that happens after Thursday, but honestly, allowing the nation to apply its own personal best judgement is never, ever a good idea.

“Just picture the average member of the public, just picture them. Now, remember that half of the country is dumber than that.

“I guess we’ll find out just how dumb the country is when Boris tries to avoid any criticism when we know the consequences of letting people do whatever the **** they want because Boris wants people to stop hating him.

“My guess is pretty f.ucking dumb.”

via ~ DailyDoingATrump

 

[SamBally]

The nation’s most accomplished fibbers have criticised the Prime Minister for being too fast and loose with the truth.

As the PM considers his next career move, a potential new role has been closed off to him.

“Boris Johnson lies far too much to make it in the property business,” said Dave Pile, aged 59, a man who told us that he’s the Chartered Accountant of the Chartered Institute of Chartered Estate Agents.

“Calling a tiny bedsit ‘cosy’ is one thing. Boris would say it’s a twenty-bedroom mansion and then apologise after the purchase, saying that nobody told him it wasn’t a twenty-bedroom mansion.

“It’s just too much – we have ethical standards to uphold you know!”

So if he can’t be an Estate Agent, what else could Boris do when he’s kicked out of Downing Street?

Here are some roles where he might be able to deploy his extensive skills in falsification:


Sun Journalist

Given his penchant for faking quotes and fabricating sources, no reputable paper would take him on. Even the Daily Star and the Sunday Sport would consider him too much of a liability. But he’ll probably be able to get a job at the Sun. Almost certainly


Shower Temperature Control

Saying the water is hot when it’s quite obviously freezing is the sort of black-is-white logic in which Boris excels. Plus, he’ll also get to see lots of naked women, so he’ll be in his element.

That said, he’ll probably get one of them pregnant within a week and have to retrain as a toaster temperature control to avoid parental responsibility.

Weather App

It’s pissing down, your feet are freezing and you can’t remember ever feeling so miserable. However, your phone is telling you that you’re basking in warm sunshine.

The perfect metaphor for Boris’ approach to levelling up.