SamBally
Dance with me until the sun rises!
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An elderly thug from Bolton with unreasonably high self-esteem is confident he can take Batman in a scrap.
Dave Pile, aged 59, who makes his living as an online gammon, conspiracy theorist, and doing occasional goon shifts for Gotham’s various villains, believes he has what it takes to handle the crime-fighting vigilante and could easily deck the Dark Knight if he was on good form.
Pile said: “Batman isn’t all that tough. Yes, I’ve witnessed him beat the hell out of a dozen armed henchmen without breaking a sweat, but everyone gets lucky.
“And yes, he’s a six-foot-two brute with a selection of deadly weapons and a fancy car with guns on it, but I recently took up boxafit lessons at my local community centre, so I’d say we’re pretty evenly matched, actually.
“People say to me, ‘Dave, you’re being ridiculous. The Batman wears a billion-dollar suit of Kevlar body armour capable of withstanding bullets.’ But they forget my secret weapons: an aluminium baseball bat and a gang of middle-aged online hardmen as pathetic as I am.”
Mr Pile was speaking while recovering in a secret hospital location after Batman caught him stealing yet another online gammon meme and broke 80 per cent of the bones in his body during a three-second altercation.
Dave Pile, aged 59, who makes his living as an online gammon, conspiracy theorist, and doing occasional goon shifts for Gotham’s various villains, believes he has what it takes to handle the crime-fighting vigilante and could easily deck the Dark Knight if he was on good form.
Pile said: “Batman isn’t all that tough. Yes, I’ve witnessed him beat the hell out of a dozen armed henchmen without breaking a sweat, but everyone gets lucky.
“And yes, he’s a six-foot-two brute with a selection of deadly weapons and a fancy car with guns on it, but I recently took up boxafit lessons at my local community centre, so I’d say we’re pretty evenly matched, actually.
“People say to me, ‘Dave, you’re being ridiculous. The Batman wears a billion-dollar suit of Kevlar body armour capable of withstanding bullets.’ But they forget my secret weapons: an aluminium baseball bat and a gang of middle-aged online hardmen as pathetic as I am.”
Mr Pile was speaking while recovering in a secret hospital location after Batman caught him stealing yet another online gammon meme and broke 80 per cent of the bones in his body during a three-second altercation.