TwoWhalesInAPool
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Britian increasingly seems to be a nation of Covid conspiracy theorists, but it can’t last forever. So if you want to obsess over paranoid nonsense, which theory to opt for?
Covid-19
Theories include: that the virus isn’t real; that the illness is caused by radiation from 5G towers; that it was created in a Chinese lab as a bioweapon. Many also believe Covid vaccines are harmful and/or were designed to restructure our DNA. Some hedge their bets and believe some combination of all of the above. There is no factual evidence for any of these beliefs.
Antivax
Excellent conspiracy theory because you can project your own mad ideas onto it. What’s in the vaccine? Microchips? Mind-control drugs? Extra-terrestrial blood? Let your imagination run free, and be sure to call anyone who disagrees with you a brainwashed puppet sheeple. The anti-vaccine movement predates Covid-19 but has grown hugely in the past year. In general, “anti-vaxxers” believe that instead of preventing the spread of deadly infectious diseases, vaccines make people ill and that this has been covered up by governments and large pharmaceutical companies. This belief was enflamed by a now thoroughly debunked paper by Andrew Wakefield (since struck off) that linked the MMR vaccine to autism. Some believe the new Covid-19 vaccines are an attempt by Bill Gates to microchip humanity.
5G
Is a slightly higher-bandwidth mobile network the ideal method of enslaving the population? Possibly not. Experts in the field such as Joseph Stalin or Saddam Hussein, would argue that secret police, informants and lengthy prison sentences are more effective.
JFK assassination
Classic conspiracy bollocks like a vintage wine. Marine marksman Lee Harvey Oswald shot a man in a slow-moving open car from a good vantage point, but don’t let that stop you developing a complex theory about the Mafia trying to kill Marilyn for sleeping with Fidel Castro because Jack Ruby worked for NASA. You’ll get plenty of followers online.
The Earth is flat
So retro it’s new, and there are a myriad ways to disprove it. Just go to the edge and see if you fall off. Really more for alternative conspiracy theorists who get off on winding up the squares or the genuinely troubled who can’t understand why if the planet’s a sphere every walk isn’t downhill.
Offensive 9/11 dreadfulness
These nutters are untroubled by the horrible deaths of thousands of innocents, so why not join them? Very fertile ground for loony ideas; if you’re bored of the mundane concept of the CIA carrying out a ‘false flag’ school shooting operation, there’s always the possibility that the airliner attacks on the Pentagon were ‘laser holograms’. Yes, that’s a real idea.
QAnon:
The QAnon conspiracy theory is all based on the cryptic posts of an anonymous internet poster (probably more than one poster) who claimed to be a high-level US government official. Starting in 2017, “Q” suggested that a group of high-ranking US politicians, officials and Hollywood celebrities were Satan-worshipping, paedophilic cannibals plotting against Donald Trump. Q predicted Trump would foil their machinations in an event called “the storm”.
Nazi UFOs
Why bother with the halfway plausible? Get into Nazi flying saucers and bore strangers with outlandish claims that Die Glocke was a genuine anti-gravity device. With the bonus that if you’re right, you get to meet a Wolfenstein-style robot Hitler on the dark side of the moon.
Various others.
Share any you want to include.
(Its a mad, mad world)
Leave a comment below and let the world know which conspiracy theory gets you off.
Covid-19
Theories include: that the virus isn’t real; that the illness is caused by radiation from 5G towers; that it was created in a Chinese lab as a bioweapon. Many also believe Covid vaccines are harmful and/or were designed to restructure our DNA. Some hedge their bets and believe some combination of all of the above. There is no factual evidence for any of these beliefs.
Antivax
Excellent conspiracy theory because you can project your own mad ideas onto it. What’s in the vaccine? Microchips? Mind-control drugs? Extra-terrestrial blood? Let your imagination run free, and be sure to call anyone who disagrees with you a brainwashed puppet sheeple. The anti-vaccine movement predates Covid-19 but has grown hugely in the past year. In general, “anti-vaxxers” believe that instead of preventing the spread of deadly infectious diseases, vaccines make people ill and that this has been covered up by governments and large pharmaceutical companies. This belief was enflamed by a now thoroughly debunked paper by Andrew Wakefield (since struck off) that linked the MMR vaccine to autism. Some believe the new Covid-19 vaccines are an attempt by Bill Gates to microchip humanity.
5G
Is a slightly higher-bandwidth mobile network the ideal method of enslaving the population? Possibly not. Experts in the field such as Joseph Stalin or Saddam Hussein, would argue that secret police, informants and lengthy prison sentences are more effective.
JFK assassination
Classic conspiracy bollocks like a vintage wine. Marine marksman Lee Harvey Oswald shot a man in a slow-moving open car from a good vantage point, but don’t let that stop you developing a complex theory about the Mafia trying to kill Marilyn for sleeping with Fidel Castro because Jack Ruby worked for NASA. You’ll get plenty of followers online.
The Earth is flat
So retro it’s new, and there are a myriad ways to disprove it. Just go to the edge and see if you fall off. Really more for alternative conspiracy theorists who get off on winding up the squares or the genuinely troubled who can’t understand why if the planet’s a sphere every walk isn’t downhill.
Offensive 9/11 dreadfulness
These nutters are untroubled by the horrible deaths of thousands of innocents, so why not join them? Very fertile ground for loony ideas; if you’re bored of the mundane concept of the CIA carrying out a ‘false flag’ school shooting operation, there’s always the possibility that the airliner attacks on the Pentagon were ‘laser holograms’. Yes, that’s a real idea.
QAnon:
The QAnon conspiracy theory is all based on the cryptic posts of an anonymous internet poster (probably more than one poster) who claimed to be a high-level US government official. Starting in 2017, “Q” suggested that a group of high-ranking US politicians, officials and Hollywood celebrities were Satan-worshipping, paedophilic cannibals plotting against Donald Trump. Q predicted Trump would foil their machinations in an event called “the storm”.
Nazi UFOs
Why bother with the halfway plausible? Get into Nazi flying saucers and bore strangers with outlandish claims that Die Glocke was a genuine anti-gravity device. With the bonus that if you’re right, you get to meet a Wolfenstein-style robot Hitler on the dark side of the moon.
Various others.
Share any you want to include.
(Its a mad, mad world)
Leave a comment below and let the world know which conspiracy theory gets you off.
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