Kev45
Devils advocate? Contrarian ego strokers.
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2022
- Messages
- 1,092
- Reaction score
- 713
BOLLOCKS. I seem to have £2 million in unpaid debts, and now people are hassling me for their money. Here are some things I probably shouldn’t have blown the cash on.
Haircuts
You might have noticed I always have an army-style short back and sides, obsessively razored as if I’ve got some sort of hair OCD, and that means constant trips to the hairdresser. If I let it grow even slightly, I might look like a girly boy, not a decent, salt-of-the-earth football thug.
Losing libel cases
Apparently, you can’t accuse schoolboys of attacking ‘young English girls’ with no evidence whatsoever. And you only have to deliberately go to a trial, make a f**king nuisance of yourself filming stuff on your phone. Call the defendants ‘Muslim child rapists’ while the case is still going on, and they’ll do you for ‘contempt of court’. Unbelievable.
Sunbeds
Running a tanning salon is a pain in the arse. You’ve got loads of overheads, and you have to wipe all the yukky dead skin and tanning lotion off the sunbeds every day. Intellectuals like me – I’ve written a book, Why Muslims Kill for Islam, it’s a cracking holiday read – are too brainy for boring jobs involving actual work.
Changing my name
Yes, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon is a wanker’s name, but on reflection I could have saved a few quid and just called myself ‘Steve Lennon’. It’s still got that Beatles' association, though, and I f**king hate Yoko. She’s a… not-very-good artist.
Train fares to intimidate opponents
A return ticket to a legitimate journalist’s home to intimidate them is daylight bloody robbery these days. Don’t forget you’ll want a sandwich too. Come on, Starmer, put a cap on rail prices and let’s make threatening innocent victims an affordable day out for all the family again.
A massive house
My house cost an eye-watering £900,000. Luckily, I received lots of donations from supporters for my legal fees, although none of them specifically mentioned me getting a hot tub. Let’s hope they don’t find out about me prancing around in an exclusive tennis club during my luxury holidays in Spain, because some of them look pretty hard.
Multiple convictions for violent assault, stalking, fraud, and incitement to violence.
Becoming a political prisoner just for giving an innocent bystander a black eye and a bloody nose isn't cheap to defend, is it. Can you donate a fiver, I am skint, bro.
Haircuts
You might have noticed I always have an army-style short back and sides, obsessively razored as if I’ve got some sort of hair OCD, and that means constant trips to the hairdresser. If I let it grow even slightly, I might look like a girly boy, not a decent, salt-of-the-earth football thug.
Losing libel cases
Apparently, you can’t accuse schoolboys of attacking ‘young English girls’ with no evidence whatsoever. And you only have to deliberately go to a trial, make a f**king nuisance of yourself filming stuff on your phone. Call the defendants ‘Muslim child rapists’ while the case is still going on, and they’ll do you for ‘contempt of court’. Unbelievable.
Sunbeds
Running a tanning salon is a pain in the arse. You’ve got loads of overheads, and you have to wipe all the yukky dead skin and tanning lotion off the sunbeds every day. Intellectuals like me – I’ve written a book, Why Muslims Kill for Islam, it’s a cracking holiday read – are too brainy for boring jobs involving actual work.
Changing my name
Yes, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon is a wanker’s name, but on reflection I could have saved a few quid and just called myself ‘Steve Lennon’. It’s still got that Beatles' association, though, and I f**king hate Yoko. She’s a… not-very-good artist.
Train fares to intimidate opponents
A return ticket to a legitimate journalist’s home to intimidate them is daylight bloody robbery these days. Don’t forget you’ll want a sandwich too. Come on, Starmer, put a cap on rail prices and let’s make threatening innocent victims an affordable day out for all the family again.
A massive house
My house cost an eye-watering £900,000. Luckily, I received lots of donations from supporters for my legal fees, although none of them specifically mentioned me getting a hot tub. Let’s hope they don’t find out about me prancing around in an exclusive tennis club during my luxury holidays in Spain, because some of them look pretty hard.
Multiple convictions for violent assault, stalking, fraud, and incitement to violence.
Becoming a political prisoner just for giving an innocent bystander a black eye and a bloody nose isn't cheap to defend, is it. Can you donate a fiver, I am skint, bro.
