What a shame!

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Poor old BP, only £5 billion quid profit in three months. How will they manage?​

​

BP profits of £5bn a quarter during an energy crisis is just further proof that privatisation works, insists government​

The government has reacted to BP making a £5 billion profit in the first three months of this year, in the midst of an energy crisis, by insisting it is just further proof that privatising essential state-owned services works really well.

Prime ministerial automaton Rishi Sunak explained, “Energy companies have long been known for their philanthropic environmental efforts, and as such, we should celebrate them when they are experiencing a huge profit windfall during a time of national energy crisis.

“Some people might suggest that energy companies making over £50 million pounds in profit every single day while pensioners ride the bus to keep warm is something of an immoral travesty. But remember, it’s just the market forces that we love and hold so dear working their magic in an industry where we were solely responsible for introducing a profit motive.

“If the Conservatives hadn’t completely privatised BP in the late 70s and 80s, then most of this profit could have been wasted by public sector bureaucrats or nurses, or heaven forbid spent on keeping your bills lower.

“If the market wants your granny to freeze to death while energy company executives can buy a third Caribbean home, then so be it.”

Voter Simon Williams told us, “BP took less than one second – the blink of an eye – to make in profits what I earn in an entire year.

“I’m not saying profits are inherently evil; of course not. I’m just saying that making excessive profits from selling a human necessity like energy – during an energy crisis that is forcing people to live in freezing homes – is a bit evil.

“For context, that £4 billion is the equivalent of about £1,000 in profit a year for every single household in this country. Remember that next time you’re filling up the car.

“However, I guess we should be grateful it’s a privatised business, because I can’t imagine what our incompetent government would do with that sort of money.”

TY@NT

 

[Moriarty]

Oh wow.
Guess those wind farms are doing work.

Maybe if we hadnt been so relient on power from Russias supply because green energy is not "Sustainable" we wouldnt be in this mess.

It's ok though, the sanctions we put in place on Russia are working, they are broke.. er..

India is doing well out of it though, they are making a killing on the market exporting Russian oil to the West

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

We are taking all of your things, by BP​

Your holiday? We’re having that. Your new kitchen? That’s ours now. Your second car?

Give it the f'uck here. We are BP, and we’ve having all your s'hit.

Sorry not sorry. You don’t make profits of £50 billion by being a nice guy, and that’s what we’ve reported over the past three months. And those profits are now. Imagine how much we’ll make this winter.

It’s your fault. You pissed us off with that whole pandemic deal, where you all stayed indoors and stopped driving and flying and consuming. That hit our profits hard and it was purely selfish.

Didn’t think about us, did you? Didn’t think about the poor petroleum multinationals still paying to pump oil, footing the bill for your survival. Well guess what, bitches. The shoe be on the other mother-f'ucking foot.

It’s our turn to think about our survival, and that means sky-high prices and tough tits to the consumer. The next few years we are bleeding your arses dry.

We’ve got no choice. We’ve got to act before you all start working from home and installing solar panels and all that shizzle. This could be our last chance to make out like bandits and we are taking it.

So say goodbye to your videogames and streaming services and Air Jordans and Lego sets. Enjoy your last can of Brewdog and the last bite of your M&S King Prawn Bhuna. We’re taking it all.

You’ll sell your vinyl collection to pay a gas bill. You’ll sell your mother’s jewellery for petrol. The electric bill will take every last luxury you have until you’re huddled, freezing, on bare floorboards eating cold Aldi beans from a can.

Then we’ll announce profits of £250 billion over the three winter months. Then you’ll understand who’s in charge.

God bless the UK Government for helping us. NO taxes!

NO taxes! Not a penny! God bless them.

So

F'uck you and your poor lives!

You f'ucking mugs!

TY@TDM