''WAKE UP'' said the drinker of a can of Monster Energy

TwoWhalesInAPool

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“WAKE UP” concludes nonsense-spewing gonk


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A man who has written four paragraphs of reality-free bullshit has concluded his short essay with the straightforwardly funny conclusion of “WAKE UP”.

Simon Williams, 33, commented on a story regarding quarantine measures with a diatribe including phrases such as “this is how the holocaust started”, “the vaccine is experimental poison” and “if you put up with this then your kids will be next”.

“WAKE UP!” concluded Williams, hitting submit and sitting back for a victory sip on a can of Monster Energy.

“Everything I’ve just said is true. I’ve seen it on YouTube after performing a search for videos that only confirm my existing biases. That’s how research works.

“The rest of you sheep need to get a fucking grip. Big pharma is out to kill you. That’s how making money definitely works: by killing your customer base.

“You look confused. Of COURSE you do. Fucking sheep. Bet you think this ISN’T the start of Holocaust 2 either.

“You know what? Get out of my basement. I don’t need your bootlicker energy messing with my vibe.”

Simon’s mother commented, “Technically it’s MY basement.

“I’m not sure what he means by ‘vibe’, unless he means the smell, which I would very much like to mess with.”

via - News Thump
 

TwoWhalesInAPool

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Energy drinks maker launches 'Hyper Anxiety' flavour

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A company has launched an ‘anxiety flavoured’ energy drink for people who want the taste of how they feel.

MegaBoost UK Ltd created the groundbreaking drink by combining a huge hit of caffeine and sugar with jarring flavours including chilli, metal and stale urine.

Managing director Tom Booker said: “The taste alone will have you buzzing with tension even before the ingredients have started wreaking havoc on your internal organs.

“The incredible taste of Hyper Anxiety comes from combining flavours no sane person would want in their mouth together, such as copper, cheese, caustic soda and dandelions.

“We’ve increased the caffeine and sugar to ensure every can is a sickly chemical syrup that tastes of nothing natural – which is exactly how our customers like it.”

Energy drink fan Wayne Hayes said: “One sip sends you into a panic, then when the caffeine kicks in you just want to run and never stop running like you’re being chased by demons.

“I’m definitely switching brands from Red Bull.”

via - Daily Mash
 
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