Tony Blair hails success...

TwoWhalesInAPool · Aug 2, 2021

Tony Blair hails success of Labour’s twenty-year-old programme to rid nation of domestic HGV drivers

Tony Blair has today hailed the success of his education programme to rid the nation of HGV drivers, and insisted the lack of drivers coinciding with Brexit and the end of free movement is nothing more than ‘coincidence’.

The man who hasn’t run the country for fourteen years said he was delighted to have such a large influence on the nation’s logistics industry so many years after leaving office.

He explained, “I worked for many years on educational programmes designed to ensure this nation didn’t have enough HGV drivers, so to see these Johnny-come-lately Brexiters arriving on the scene and insisting the HGV driver shortage is because we left the EU six months ago and EU drivers don’t want to work here any more is absolutely infuriating.

“Just because the lack of HGV drivers occurred precisely as we left the EU, and also just as EU-based drivers decided not to work in the UK as much they used to, is nothing more than a massive coincidence for which they are trying to take the credit – the opportunistic shits that they are.

“The real reason we don’t have enough HGV drivers on our roads is because twenty years ago I encouraged children to get as much education as they possibly could. That fifteen-year-old for whom I opened the door to a University education, is now a thirty-five-year-old research scientist, when he could have been delivering perishables to your local Tesco.

“I always knew that one day my policies would cause a few empty supermarket shelves, but I also knew that no nation has ever become worse off because its people were suddenly better educated.

“So don’t let these hack Brexiters take the credit. These HGV shortages happening just as Brexit effects kick in is nothing more than an unfortunate coincidence that hides the true reason, my education policies from twenty years ago.”