SamBally
Dance with me until the sun rises!
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2021
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MANY voters in the UK are mainly motivated by seeing other people get shafted. Here total sh** Dave Pile, aged 59, explains whose lives should be made miserable by the predicted recession.
Snowflakes
I don’t mind admitting I’m in a permanent state of arousal at the thought of young people not being able to afford their precious iPhones and avocados. Obviously, it’s a poor substitute for them being mown down by machine guns on the beaches of Normandy, but with Russia angry about Finland joining NATO there might be a nuclear war to toughen them up. We can but hope.
Protesters
I don’t care what they’re protesting about. Probably keeping the Earth habitable or some left-wing bollocks like that. They’re all vegetarian so let’s hope tofu becomes unaffordable. That’ll ruin their lives for sure.
Otters
I despise otters. Splashing around all day without a care in the world. Building a house without planning permission or paying a mortgage. Nice work if you can get it. Hopefully the recession will make environmental protection unaffordable, and the otters will all be poisoned. Yes, it’ll be a happy day when I see their bloated corpses floating down my local river.
My neighbour who’s done better than me
A bloke round the corner has done alright for himself setting up a small chain of newsagents. Big house, nice car. So I’m hoping the recession puts paid to his fancy skiing holidays. I’ll still be having miserable holidays in a mildewed B&B in North Wales, but anything that inconveniences him is wonderful news for me.
Civil servants
My nephew is a civil servant. He claims he earns 24k and works hard processing HGV licences in an understaffed office in Leeds. But we all know civil servants are on 300k and doss around at home drinking posh tea. So he’s not just a waste of space, he’s a liar too. Luckily we can’t afford these parasites anymore – well done Boris and Jacob – and they can all get proper jobs as plumbers. Yes, all 475,000 of them. I can’t see a problem with that.
Peppa Pig
Peppa and her family are too cheerful for my liking. I’m hoping when the recession bites they end up homeless and Peppa and her brother are taken into care. Also it’s blatant vegetarian propaganda. I think Peppa should hop on a bacon slicer each episode to teach kids it’s right to eat meat.
About 78 other groups I hate
Muslims, asylum seekers, immigrants, buskers, diversity officers, doctors – the list goes on. And on. Let’s hope all these bastards end up skint, unemployed or depressed. It might sound as if I live in a world of endless petty vindictiveness, but I’m actually very easygoing for a Daily Mail reader.
Snowflakes
I don’t mind admitting I’m in a permanent state of arousal at the thought of young people not being able to afford their precious iPhones and avocados. Obviously, it’s a poor substitute for them being mown down by machine guns on the beaches of Normandy, but with Russia angry about Finland joining NATO there might be a nuclear war to toughen them up. We can but hope.
Protesters
I don’t care what they’re protesting about. Probably keeping the Earth habitable or some left-wing bollocks like that. They’re all vegetarian so let’s hope tofu becomes unaffordable. That’ll ruin their lives for sure.
Otters
I despise otters. Splashing around all day without a care in the world. Building a house without planning permission or paying a mortgage. Nice work if you can get it. Hopefully the recession will make environmental protection unaffordable, and the otters will all be poisoned. Yes, it’ll be a happy day when I see their bloated corpses floating down my local river.
My neighbour who’s done better than me
A bloke round the corner has done alright for himself setting up a small chain of newsagents. Big house, nice car. So I’m hoping the recession puts paid to his fancy skiing holidays. I’ll still be having miserable holidays in a mildewed B&B in North Wales, but anything that inconveniences him is wonderful news for me.
Civil servants
My nephew is a civil servant. He claims he earns 24k and works hard processing HGV licences in an understaffed office in Leeds. But we all know civil servants are on 300k and doss around at home drinking posh tea. So he’s not just a waste of space, he’s a liar too. Luckily we can’t afford these parasites anymore – well done Boris and Jacob – and they can all get proper jobs as plumbers. Yes, all 475,000 of them. I can’t see a problem with that.
Peppa Pig
Peppa and her family are too cheerful for my liking. I’m hoping when the recession bites they end up homeless and Peppa and her brother are taken into care. Also it’s blatant vegetarian propaganda. I think Peppa should hop on a bacon slicer each episode to teach kids it’s right to eat meat.
About 78 other groups I hate
Muslims, asylum seekers, immigrants, buskers, diversity officers, doctors – the list goes on. And on. Let’s hope all these bastards end up skint, unemployed or depressed. It might sound as if I live in a world of endless petty vindictiveness, but I’m actually very easygoing for a Daily Mail reader.