TwoWhalesInAPool
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Pissing with the door open, and other signs you're too comfortable in your relationship
Stopped giving a sh** about retaining dignity in your relationship?
Here are five signs you’re far too comfortable:
Pissing with the door open
If you find yourself chatting with your partner through an open bathroom door whilst simultaneously pissing like a shire horse, you are too deep in the cosy rut of monogamy. Maybe start a destructive love affair with a colleague to spice things up a bit.
Performative farting
Moving beyond discrete farting into not being embarrassed to let one rip is a natural part of any relationship. However, if you find yourself trying to fart the alphabet for your partner’s entertainment it won’t be long before you suddenly realise you haven’t had sex for 18 months.
Always having 85 per cent of your attention on your phone
There’s no point in actively listening to your other half, as you know that the only three topics of conversation they have are house prices, Eastenders and Lisa from work with the annoying laugh. You know exactly when to nod and can devote the rest of your attention to Stardew Valley.
Only commenting on your partner’s flaws
Offering compliments is an important part of showing your partner you appreciate them. If you only rouse yourself to comment on their appearance when you notice a juicy whitehead on the back of their neck, you’ve moved beyond physical attraction into quasi-sibling roles where shagging each other would feel uncomfortably incestuous.
Never looking in the mirror
It’s important to make an effort with your appearance so that your partner still fancies you. If you look in the mirror for the first time in three days to discover a crust of sleepy drool on your chin, greasy hair and an outfit made up of pyjama bottoms and a droopy cardigan covered in last night’s carbonara, you’ve given up caring about your relationship.
www.thedailymash.co.uk
Stopped giving a sh** about retaining dignity in your relationship?
Here are five signs you’re far too comfortable:
Pissing with the door open
If you find yourself chatting with your partner through an open bathroom door whilst simultaneously pissing like a shire horse, you are too deep in the cosy rut of monogamy. Maybe start a destructive love affair with a colleague to spice things up a bit.
Performative farting
Moving beyond discrete farting into not being embarrassed to let one rip is a natural part of any relationship. However, if you find yourself trying to fart the alphabet for your partner’s entertainment it won’t be long before you suddenly realise you haven’t had sex for 18 months.
Always having 85 per cent of your attention on your phone
There’s no point in actively listening to your other half, as you know that the only three topics of conversation they have are house prices, Eastenders and Lisa from work with the annoying laugh. You know exactly when to nod and can devote the rest of your attention to Stardew Valley.
Only commenting on your partner’s flaws
Offering compliments is an important part of showing your partner you appreciate them. If you only rouse yourself to comment on their appearance when you notice a juicy whitehead on the back of their neck, you’ve moved beyond physical attraction into quasi-sibling roles where shagging each other would feel uncomfortably incestuous.
Never looking in the mirror
It’s important to make an effort with your appearance so that your partner still fancies you. If you look in the mirror for the first time in three days to discover a crust of sleepy drool on your chin, greasy hair and an outfit made up of pyjama bottoms and a droopy cardigan covered in last night’s carbonara, you’ve given up caring about your relationship.
Pissing with the door open, and other signs you're too comfortable in your relationship
STOPPED giving a sh** about retaining dignity in your relationship? Here are five signs you’re far too comfortable.
www.thedailymash.co.uk