Kev45
Fluffy elephants dance on candyfloss pink clouds.
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A local man has bravely taken a stand against the terrifying rise of tyranny by declaring literally everything he mildly dislikes as “Orwellian.”
Daytone Williams, aged 63, from Swindon, an unemployed spoon bender, reportedly used the term to describe everything from a parking fine to the new self-service checkouts at Tesco, warning friends that “the Ministry of Love probably designed those bloody card readers.”
It’s proper 1984, isn’t it, he muttered ominously after being asked to reset his Apple ID password for the third time this month.
Sources close to Williams claim his Orwell-detection skills are now so finely tuned that he once described a council wheelie bin rota as “Big Brother in hi-vis.”
He tried to convince me that getting a parking ticket was just like living in an Orwellian novel, said his long-suffering African grey parrot.
I said no mate, you just parked like an arse. Nothing Orwellian about it.
Williams has also accused the NHS of being Orwellian for asking him to book appointments online, the BBC for only commissioning “agenda-pushing” cooking shows, and a local café for removing cholesterol laden fried greasy bacon from the menu.
He’s never actually read 1984, a concerned ex-girlfriend revealed.
He just played V for Vendetta online once and now thinks a QR code is the first step to a surveillance state.
Experts warn this trend is spreading, with the word “Orwellian” now legally required to appear in every Facebook comment thread involving recycling, parking charges, or literally anything happening within two miles of a camera.
As of press time, Williams was seen shouting “Thoughtcrime!” at a barista for accidentally spelling his name “Detontay” on a paper cup.
He is currently believed to be writing a dystopian novel titled Flat White Fascism: My Life Under the Soy Milk Regime.
Daytone Williams, aged 63, from Swindon, an unemployed spoon bender, reportedly used the term to describe everything from a parking fine to the new self-service checkouts at Tesco, warning friends that “the Ministry of Love probably designed those bloody card readers.”
It’s proper 1984, isn’t it, he muttered ominously after being asked to reset his Apple ID password for the third time this month.
Sources close to Williams claim his Orwell-detection skills are now so finely tuned that he once described a council wheelie bin rota as “Big Brother in hi-vis.”
He tried to convince me that getting a parking ticket was just like living in an Orwellian novel, said his long-suffering African grey parrot.
I said no mate, you just parked like an arse. Nothing Orwellian about it.
Williams has also accused the NHS of being Orwellian for asking him to book appointments online, the BBC for only commissioning “agenda-pushing” cooking shows, and a local café for removing cholesterol laden fried greasy bacon from the menu.
He’s never actually read 1984, a concerned ex-girlfriend revealed.
He just played V for Vendetta online once and now thinks a QR code is the first step to a surveillance state.
Experts warn this trend is spreading, with the word “Orwellian” now legally required to appear in every Facebook comment thread involving recycling, parking charges, or literally anything happening within two miles of a camera.
As of press time, Williams was seen shouting “Thoughtcrime!” at a barista for accidentally spelling his name “Detontay” on a paper cup.
He is currently believed to be writing a dystopian novel titled Flat White Fascism: My Life Under the Soy Milk Regime.