SamBally
Dance with me until the sun rises!
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Alcoholic drinks will soon feature a new labelling system indicating how much of an arsehole the drinker will become after drinking them.
“There’s an awful lot of confusion about how much of an arsehole one becomes when drunk,” said Mark Hammond, a spokesperson for the Royal Society for Public Health.
“We hope that this new labelling system will help people understand if they’re going to end up being a bit of an arsehole or a complete dribbling catastrophic arsehole.”
Britain has seen a huge rise in drunken arseholes online since multiple pub closures under the tory regime austerity programme and there have long been calls to address the situation.
“Oh God yeah, I’ve got admit, I can be a right drunken arsehole online,” said Dave Pile, aged 59, unemployed from Brighton.
“I mean, I only log on to be a bit of an arsehole, you know, have a bit of one-way banter, which isn't funny lol and have a bit of a sing to a Westlife song or something.
“But then before I know what happened, its 4 am and I’ve admitted to voting UKIP and tried to get off with the sofa.”
What isn’t always appreciated is how much being a drunken arsehole can transcend class and age.
“Oh Good Lord, yes. I can be quite the arsehole,” said Lord Harrington of Ostley.
“I mean, when I was ambassador to Russia, get a bottle of the good vodka inside me and I’d often offer Putin out for a fist fight.”
Although broadly welcomed, there is criticism that the labelling system does nothing to tackle those who don’t need to be drunk to be an arsehole, everyone knows an online bunny boiler after all.
“Well, that’s for Parliament to address,” said Mr Hammond.
“There’s an awful lot of confusion about how much of an arsehole one becomes when drunk,” said Mark Hammond, a spokesperson for the Royal Society for Public Health.
“We hope that this new labelling system will help people understand if they’re going to end up being a bit of an arsehole or a complete dribbling catastrophic arsehole.”
Britain has seen a huge rise in drunken arseholes online since multiple pub closures under the tory regime austerity programme and there have long been calls to address the situation.
“Oh God yeah, I’ve got admit, I can be a right drunken arsehole online,” said Dave Pile, aged 59, unemployed from Brighton.
“I mean, I only log on to be a bit of an arsehole, you know, have a bit of one-way banter, which isn't funny lol and have a bit of a sing to a Westlife song or something.
“But then before I know what happened, its 4 am and I’ve admitted to voting UKIP and tried to get off with the sofa.”
What isn’t always appreciated is how much being a drunken arsehole can transcend class and age.
“Oh Good Lord, yes. I can be quite the arsehole,” said Lord Harrington of Ostley.
“I mean, when I was ambassador to Russia, get a bottle of the good vodka inside me and I’d often offer Putin out for a fist fight.”
Although broadly welcomed, there is criticism that the labelling system does nothing to tackle those who don’t need to be drunk to be an arsehole, everyone knows an online bunny boiler after all.
“Well, that’s for Parliament to address,” said Mr Hammond.