P
portalguy223
Guest
Hi I am in need of some advice
I and the wife have just had a big bust-up and I said she was being narcissistic
I am not sure if I was right to say that or if I have got the wrong word or what.
So it began yesterday as I was making dinner for our two children, I had not slept so wanted to make something fast, My wife said sausage butties would be a good idea, however, I wanted to make hot dogs.
My daughter is not particularly keen on hotdogs, My wife was about to go out to get me something from the shop at the time this all started. on her way out via cleaning up the dog's pee, we started to talk about the fact that our daughter did not like hotdogs too much and we were trying to convince her to have hotdogs instead of me having to make sausages. My wife at the door on her way out said that she does not like hotdogs herself, at that point I said that I don't think we should talk about not liking hotdogs in front of our daughter (my thinking was it would re-enforce the fact she does not like them) my wife took this wrong and from my perspective, she said in what I took to be a mood, that our daughter has already made up her mind about hotdogs and she does not like them already, it seemed to me that she stormed out of the house and went to the local shop.
at the point, my wife finished saying our daughter has already made up her mind, I replied fair enough then, It has since come to light my wife did not hear me say this.
When my wife returned from the shop she brought up in a nice tone of voice, the fact that I had once in the past drawn on our bathroom wall, and she did not think it was ok for me to say to her, not to bring up things like the not liking sausages type of thing in front of the kids, considering I have told the kids off for drawing on their bedroom wall when I have drawn on walls myself. (my stance on this has been put across as they should do as I say and not as I do) and that the walls belong to me and the wife so it is ok for us to draw on them, and that when the kids get old enough to own their house they can then draw on their walls. I hope that bit makes sense.
I took what my wide said upon returning as she was trying to flip things around on me instead of owning her own behavior (the attitude I thought she was giving when she stormed out)
I told her this and we argued back and forth for a while on this subject. me saying she is flipping things back on me and her saying I am wrong for telling her not to talk about sausages in front of the kids. the argument continued to get heated until she said it was over and she was going to leave once she can get a house. I said fine whatever and told her I'm not bothered.
So that is what started things, now let's get to today.
This morning my wife came down and we started to talk. she apologized for some of the things she said during the heated part of the argument, I accepted the apology about that part. we then sort of heatedly discussed yesterday's argument, My wife telling me that I had given her an attitude when I said we should not say this in front of our daughter (the hotdogs sausage bit) me telling her that I thought she stormed out. we came to the agreement that we were both wrong at different points and I thought we were going to be able to sort things. at the point in the slightly heated sorting things out bit, I accepted that my wife was not trying to flip things around on me, as she told me that she was not trying to and told me she was trying to make a point that I should not tell her what not to say in front of the children, due to the fact that she had previously told me not to do that in the drawing on the wall disagreement from the past and I had told her the kids cant draw on the wall as it's not their wall etc.
So I can't tell her what not to say due to me not accepting her telling me what not to say.
anyway, I accepted that my wife was not trying to flip things around on me. but then I said, however.
I said however I still do not think that what you came back and said was relevant to what happened at the door. ( i don't think me drawing on the wall and the children getting told off for drawing on the wall is the same as speaking about not liking the food in front of a child that is being fussy about that food) again I hope that makes sense.
at the point, I said however my wife in a bad almost sarcastic tone said "here we go again" I thought that this was her being narcissistic no matter how much I tried to explain that I was not being rude in saying however and that it was a separate part of the conversation and that it is ok for me to not agree with her. she just got angrier and angrier and eventually ended up shouting and storming off.
I have tried to keep this short and I have not included every single detail, the main reason for this is I am struggling to remember everything word for word and I am still very worried and stressed out by this.
My main concern is. have I called my wife narcissistic wrongly? is telling her she is being narcissistic calling her names? (she thinks that me saying this to her is me calling her names) and how do I sort this out what do I do? this sort of thing happens a lot and I am sick of feeling like I am walking on eggshells, it has only been four weeks since the last time we broke up. things were going really well up until now and we were getting on really well. we had both agreed to try harder and it seemed like we were managing it. I hate our kids being stuck in the middle of this and can only imagine the stress it puts on them. I don't know what would be better. I guess I am just confused.
I and the wife have just had a big bust-up and I said she was being narcissistic
I am not sure if I was right to say that or if I have got the wrong word or what.
So it began yesterday as I was making dinner for our two children, I had not slept so wanted to make something fast, My wife said sausage butties would be a good idea, however, I wanted to make hot dogs.
My daughter is not particularly keen on hotdogs, My wife was about to go out to get me something from the shop at the time this all started. on her way out via cleaning up the dog's pee, we started to talk about the fact that our daughter did not like hotdogs too much and we were trying to convince her to have hotdogs instead of me having to make sausages. My wife at the door on her way out said that she does not like hotdogs herself, at that point I said that I don't think we should talk about not liking hotdogs in front of our daughter (my thinking was it would re-enforce the fact she does not like them) my wife took this wrong and from my perspective, she said in what I took to be a mood, that our daughter has already made up her mind about hotdogs and she does not like them already, it seemed to me that she stormed out of the house and went to the local shop.
at the point, my wife finished saying our daughter has already made up her mind, I replied fair enough then, It has since come to light my wife did not hear me say this.
When my wife returned from the shop she brought up in a nice tone of voice, the fact that I had once in the past drawn on our bathroom wall, and she did not think it was ok for me to say to her, not to bring up things like the not liking sausages type of thing in front of the kids, considering I have told the kids off for drawing on their bedroom wall when I have drawn on walls myself. (my stance on this has been put across as they should do as I say and not as I do) and that the walls belong to me and the wife so it is ok for us to draw on them, and that when the kids get old enough to own their house they can then draw on their walls. I hope that bit makes sense.
I took what my wide said upon returning as she was trying to flip things around on me instead of owning her own behavior (the attitude I thought she was giving when she stormed out)
I told her this and we argued back and forth for a while on this subject. me saying she is flipping things back on me and her saying I am wrong for telling her not to talk about sausages in front of the kids. the argument continued to get heated until she said it was over and she was going to leave once she can get a house. I said fine whatever and told her I'm not bothered.
So that is what started things, now let's get to today.
This morning my wife came down and we started to talk. she apologized for some of the things she said during the heated part of the argument, I accepted the apology about that part. we then sort of heatedly discussed yesterday's argument, My wife telling me that I had given her an attitude when I said we should not say this in front of our daughter (the hotdogs sausage bit) me telling her that I thought she stormed out. we came to the agreement that we were both wrong at different points and I thought we were going to be able to sort things. at the point in the slightly heated sorting things out bit, I accepted that my wife was not trying to flip things around on me, as she told me that she was not trying to and told me she was trying to make a point that I should not tell her what not to say in front of the children, due to the fact that she had previously told me not to do that in the drawing on the wall disagreement from the past and I had told her the kids cant draw on the wall as it's not their wall etc.
So I can't tell her what not to say due to me not accepting her telling me what not to say.
anyway, I accepted that my wife was not trying to flip things around on me. but then I said, however.
I said however I still do not think that what you came back and said was relevant to what happened at the door. ( i don't think me drawing on the wall and the children getting told off for drawing on the wall is the same as speaking about not liking the food in front of a child that is being fussy about that food) again I hope that makes sense.
at the point, I said however my wife in a bad almost sarcastic tone said "here we go again" I thought that this was her being narcissistic no matter how much I tried to explain that I was not being rude in saying however and that it was a separate part of the conversation and that it is ok for me to not agree with her. she just got angrier and angrier and eventually ended up shouting and storming off.
I have tried to keep this short and I have not included every single detail, the main reason for this is I am struggling to remember everything word for word and I am still very worried and stressed out by this.
My main concern is. have I called my wife narcissistic wrongly? is telling her she is being narcissistic calling her names? (she thinks that me saying this to her is me calling her names) and how do I sort this out what do I do? this sort of thing happens a lot and I am sick of feeling like I am walking on eggshells, it has only been four weeks since the last time we broke up. things were going really well up until now and we were getting on really well. we had both agreed to try harder and it seemed like we were managing it. I hate our kids being stuck in the middle of this and can only imagine the stress it puts on them. I don't know what would be better. I guess I am just confused.
