My Dying Daze

[RobD42022]

I'm 37 years old, because of early tragedy in my life and my physical dominance along with my anger at my loss I spent 21 years from age of 16 in some form of secure settings or other. Last year April 29th 2019 I won a landslide court case against all odds and I won my freedom from detention in mental health services, I fought for over 20 year for this single chance to live a life and yesterday my doctor confirmed that if I eat well and exercise I may live another two year at best. I'm in a daze of defeat and failure, everything I fought for vanished in a single sentence. Now my only choice left to make is how much more suffering I'm willing to accept, I have cancer but I'm damn sure cancer won't take my last breath, that is mine to give to whom ever I choose and for the reasons I believe in. Cancer may be killing me but I will not die in despair and lying feebly in some hospital bed. All being said I'm not butter, not angry at cancer or how my life has been, just disappointed in myself that I can't see through my dream of any kind of Normal family life, I'm disappointed at my own failure.

 

[Bad_Influence]

A lovely story. Almost unbelievable.

 

[RobD42022]

Be nice if it wasn't true m8, I post this not for belief or sympathy but because I don't want to be forgotten, I'm posting it just so I know someone somewhere will probably stumble across it and read it long after I'm gone and for even a brief moment I'd been remembered. I take a risk of getting myself ridiculed by some because as you rightly pointed out it is hard to believe, if it's required to validate the post I don't mind sharing the proof.

 

[Bad_Influence]

Yeah ok.

 

[Dangermousepaul]

I'm 37 years old, because of early tragedy in my life and my physical dominance along with my anger at my loss I spent 21 years from age of 16 in some form of secure settings or other. Last year April 29th 2019 I won a landslide court case against all odds and I won my freedom from detention in mental health services, I fought for over 20 year for this single chance to live a life and yesterday my doctor confirmed that if I eat well and exercise I may live another two year at best. I'm in a daze of defeat and failure, everything I fought for vanished in a single sentence. Now my only choice left to make is how much more suffering I'm willing to accept, I have cancer but I'm damn sure cancer won't take my last breath, that is mine to give to whom ever I choose and for the reasons I believe in. Cancer may be killing me but I will not die in despair and lying feebly in some hospital bed. All being said I'm not butter, not angry at cancer or how my life has been, just disappointed in myself that I can't see through my dream of any kind of Normal family life, I'm disappointed at my own failure.

HiyA

 

[RobD42022]

HiyA

Hiya Dangermouse!