Met Police

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Met failing to catch serial killers because they are best mates​

Metropolitan Police is failing to catch serial killers because they are close friends with them and drink together.

The force admitted that it may be failing in its duty to apprehend serial murderers because it believes they are misunderstood and a great laugh after a couple of pints.

Detective Inspector Jakda Rippa said: “Come on. So they’ve killed a few people. So who hasn’t?

“I know my hands aren’t clean and neither are most of the lads, so it would be pretty hypocritical of us to start locking up serial killers for murder. Especially when we’ve got at least two in senior ranks.

“You know that bit at the end of films, when the killer says ‘You and I, we’re the same’ to the cop? Well it’s like that but earlier in proceedings, and instead of a deadly game of cat-and-mouse we go down the boozer and play pool.

“When Alex says household objects have been telling him he must kill again, that’s just banter. Mental health issues too perhaps, but you can’t be looking down on that in modern society, they made us do a course about it.

“We don’t judge, here at the Met. To you they may be serial killers, but to us they’re just people who’ve taken a difficult path in life. Yes, I suppose that does make us better than you.”

TY@TDM

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Crime figures are set to reduce by up to 40% in London as Met Police agree to stop committing horrific crimes​

With news emerging of yet another police officer from the force being guilty of a number of serious sexual offences, including multiple rapes, senior officers have today agreed to an outright ban on all serious crime by the Met Police for a period of three months, in a desperate attempt to reduce the capital’s crime rate.

A spokesperson for the Met revealed earlier, “After Wayne Couzens, that other chap, and David Carrick, it’s time to take action on these callous criminals walking around the streets of our capital.

“London has become awash with these disgusting, dangerous, racist, sexist and violent individuals, who all seem to work for the Metropolitan Police, and something needs to be done.

“That’s why from today, we are issuing urgent instructions to all of our officers that sexual violence, rape, racism, including the much less serious neo-Nazi racism, among our officers will be seriously frowned upon for a good few months, until all of this blows over.

“We hope to see a considerable reduction in crime on our streets as a result of these changes, and we hope that people can start to feel safer whilst out in public and on London’s streets.

“And if the public is not happy with this decision, and they feel like they want to come and protest about it, we’ll just smash their faces in. Simple.”

TY@NT