Is concrete woke?

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Schools are only crumbling because the left-wing Wokerati made us cut the school repair budget in half, insists Tory Government​

After news emerged that Chancellor Rishi Sunak halved the schools repair budget in 2021, just two years before a number of schools were forced to close buildings due to crumbling concrete, government officials have insisted the left-wing wokerati made them do it.

The former permanent secretary of the Department for Education said funding for school repairs was halved in 2021 as then Chancellor Sunak sought to save money. An allegation the prime minister strenuously denies.

Sunak told reporters, “There were many difficult financial decisions to be made in 2021, and bear in mind we’d just given over £200m to Michel Mone’s company for PPE that we’d never be able to use, so we had to watch the pennies.

“Keeping kids safe at school just didn’t seem like a big priority when we still had millions to give to our mates and the brand new PPE supply companies they’d all set up.

“Plus, given the rate at which we were going through prime ministers, how were we to know a decision in 2021 would come back to bite us 2023 – we could all have been long gone by then.

“Anyway, if it wasn’t for the left-wing wokerati these schools would all be fine. There would be no crumbling concrete if it wasn’t for pronouns and unisex toilets.

“Is concrete woke? Probably.

“But no, I have not yet been able to draw a credible link between culture war issues and the crumbling schools, but we will find one, I promise you. And when we do, you’ll never hear the end of it.”
TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

New class.

‘Holding up bits of the School’ has been added to to the National Curriculum

​

Schools at structural risk due to reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete can open as normal now that the risk of falling ceilings has been included in the latest school curriculum, it has been reported.

Tory Education minister, Ewes Lez, MP, confirmed the decisive action will both remedy the problem of doing nothing for over a decade, and also help small children work on their upper body muscle definition.

Lez MP said, “This government is always looking for solutions that are innovative and forward-thinking, as opposed to lazy and predictable options such as ‘more funding’, which is the wild suggestions that you always get from the left – and schools, teachers, and all people working within the Education sector.

“This innovative solution to introduce lessons in ‘structural reinforcement’ will allow for continued classroom teaching, with the addition of some elbow grease and creative thinking thrown in for good measure.

“Take maths. We all know it’s boring as sh** normally. But now, children can literally measure the collapsing wall angle they are all holding up while working on their pecs, tris and lats.

“Kids will love it. The added peril. It’s just like being back on the Nemesis at Alton Towers, except without any of those boring safety restraints.

“It doesn’t include the youngest primary school pupils of course. We’re not monsters. Of course we’ll look for suitable alternative solutions for the small, weaker kids.

“Wait, isn’t the Bibby Stockholm still empty?

“Stop the Bricks! Rishi will love that,” smirked the MP as he walked away typing into his mobile phone.
TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

After being mistaken for a Tory MPs moat and duck island, a collapsing school given immediate funding for repairs​

A school suffering from the effects of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete (RAAC) has received an immediate cash boost courtesy of the taxpayer after an admin error saw it mistaken for the moat of a sitting Tory MP.

Whitehall officials have apologised for the error, insisting they will take steps to ensure that no money destined for the pockets of MPs ever makes its way to a crumbling school ever again.

The headmaster of the Grange Comprehensive in Daventry, Si Willis, told us, “We have significant issues with RAAC, and half the school is closed, but overnight we saw tens of thousands of pounds suddenly appear in our account and so we’ve got builders onsite fixing the issues right now.

“We were told funding and repairs could take months, even years to complete, so it was a pleasant surprise to be able to throw some cash at the problem and have it fixed in just a few days.

“Who knew the secret to getting your hands on money for essential services was to pretend to be a plaything of someone in government. As an educational establishment, this was a good lesson to learn.

“We had a call this morning from someone in the government asking for the money back, but we obviously said no. Apparently I should feel bad that there will be a moat going un-dredged this week.

“I do not.”

Willis explained he plans to use the government’s desire to give money ‘to its own’ to his advantage.

He went on, “Just this morning I applied for a grant to improve our science department by explaining the money is actually for a new tech company we’ve set up with Michelle Mone. The money was in our account before I finished the phone call.

“I would advise any other struggling schools to try pretending to be a rich Tory, in terms of getting money out of taxpayer funds it’s like a superpower.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

‘If you ignore all the times in the past you mentioned crumbling schools, then you’ve never mentioned crumbling schools’ Sunak tells Starmer​

Rishi Sunak has struck a serious blow to his political opponent by pointing out he never mentioned crumbling schools before the current crisis, if you ignore all the times he mentioned crumbling schools before the current crisis.

Using Prime Minister’s Questions to point out that Starmer didn’t care about school buildings until it was politically convenient, Sunak went on to say his point makes much more sense if you ignore the times Starmer has mentioned crumbling schools.

Sunak told MPs, “The Labour leader would have you believe that crumbling schools are something he cares about deeply, but if that were true, then why did he only mention them for the first time this week.

“And don’t go showing me his keynote eduction speech earlier this summer in which he specifically talked about crumbling schools, I mean apart from that. Apart from that time when he specifically drew attention to the issue, in a major speech, when did he ever care about it?

“This is Labour all over, no substance, just but political opportunism, leaping onto a big issue and trying to use the words they previously used on the subject to make it look like they’ve previously spoken on the issue.

“Well we won’t fall for it, and neither will the voters!”

Voters have insisted that if Rishi Sunak wants people to ignore the evidence of their eyes and ears when they see Keir Starmer discussing crumbling schools back in July, then he should at least have the balls to full George Orwell and launch a Ministry of Truth.

TY@NT

 

[HappyNutz]

I'm no intellectual (as will probably be made very evident when you read this post) but I'm pretty sure any structural concrete should have a shelf life of more than two years...even pretty weak concrete. There are concrete bollards, pillars, walkways and all manner of other things that have been unchanged for dozen of years.
If the concrete is crumbling now, it was probably already showing signs of crumbling way before 2021. I'm not trying to defend the Tories (politicians are just doing a job and are mostly in it to forward their own agendas from what my limited view of the world teaches me) but surely the blame for this must go further back, and isn't entirely in the lap of MP's? Where was the maintenance budget being spent before it was cut? Why didn't those in charge at the ground level identify and rectify the problems sooner?
And what were the Lizzid people doing while all this was going on?

 

[HappyNutz]

As for whether concrete is woke, I still don't even know what that word is supposed to mean...

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Led by Donkeys

present

'Which schools is Rishi Sunak most concerned about?'

 

[Chip_TheViking]

.

 

[HappyNutz]

Woke means politically correct?

Politically
- adverb -
in a way that relates to the government or public affairs of a country



Woohoo - lets all be wokerly correct i.e. screw over the poor and less fortunate, line our own pockets, and snort coke in the works bathroom!

No offence, but if woke is supposed to be a good thing then maybe we need to tweak its definition a little...

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

BREAKING NEWS

By not sitting on her f.ucking arse.

MP says it's not the government's job to fix schools, whilst getting renovations on her office

TY@RosieHolt