Hobbies that impress

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Four hobbies you’ve taken up to impress women that women couldn’t give a toss about​

Taking up hobbies in the hope they will impress women has been the preserve of men with too much time on their hands for millennia.

Here we explore four of the most popular.

Magic
While totally overlooking the fact that no woman has ever gotten fanny flutters watching Paul Daniels, you somehow thought things would be different for you. Rather than performing the usual card tricks, you went down the route of trying to impress girls with your sleight of hand wizardry which more cynical people would consider to be merely stealing stuff and giving it back.

Poetry
In a futile attempt to appear sensitive and convince women you’re in touch with your emotions, and instead of expressing your feelings using normal sentences, you decided to go through the arse ache of trying to include words that rhyme.

After pouring your heart and soul out over the family goldfish that died seven years ago, opening with ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m sorry Goldie I forgot to feed you’, the emo girl in your sixth form enquired about your mental health and handed you the number for The Samaritans.

Salsa dancing
After seeing your mum getting giddy over a gay dancer on the Strictly Christmas Special you were inspired to show off your moves before remembering you didn’t have any. Surely after signing up to the salsa dance classes you found on Groupon, you’ll be impressing the ladies in the class in no time with your funky footwork and gyrating hips?

Sadly not, as your lack of rhythm made you look like you were trying to shake a dog turd off your shoe and only two women showed up, one of whom was your mum.

Weight lifting
Women like masculine men and what’s more manly than big, bulging biceps and a six-pack you could grate cheese off, right? So you hit the gym, hired a personal trainer, bought all the supplements and tried every protein shake going in a desperate bid to get beach body ready and turn the heads of all the bikini-clad goddesses by the pool 10 days before you were going on holiday.

Inevitably, you didn’t morph into Hulk, but pulled your hamstring and fractured your knee trying to squat more weight than your jacked trainer can. It didn’t help that your incessant protein farts caused a flight attendant to pass out, leading to a life-long ban from EasyJet.

Plus, you fvcked it up and couldn’t remember which pocket you put her bracelet in so she reported you to the police for theft. Probably best to just give it up and learn how to load a dishwasher correctly instead.

Four hobbies you’ve taken up to impress women that women couldn’t give a toss about

Taking up hobbies in the hope it will impress women has been the preserve of men for millennia, here we explore four of the most popular.

newsthump.com

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

Hobbies taken up by women to impress men that men couldn't give a flying F*** about...
Women's football (or any sports except beach vollyball), jogging, poetry, the theatre or any interest in the arts.
P.S Darlin, stop hogging the 'latest posts' box. My fascinating and truly absorbing threads aren't getting a chance!

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Darlin', your posts are very very good
But, despite all your efforts they get binned like bad food

Now...

Try harder my sweet one, pressing fingers to keys
Typeity type what you need to say and share your best sleaze.

Love you bae! X

 

[Bad_Influence]

P.S Darlin, stop hogging the 'latest posts' box. My fascinating and truly absorbing threads aren't getting a chance!

Subtle hints don’t work with Tiddles. He’s not that bright.

 

[SamBally]

More controlling comments. Now anyone with a brain in their noggin would recognize exactly how controlling this man really is.

How he thrives, blossoms, blooms ,on all the conflict he has created over many years.

 

[Bad_Influence]

More controlling comments. Now anyone with a brain in their noggin would recognize exactly how controlling this man really is.

How he thrives, blossoms, blooms ,on all the conflict he has created over many years.

Now now, stop making this about me. Your BFF will get upset.

 

[Altair]

Would it not be a better thing to post about REAL Hobbies instead?...!

I don't have any hobbies to impress women at all....I just do what I do.

Apart from gardening and general building work around my home between work , i'm an avid fan of old RC cars. I have several from back in the late 80's to the late 90's.

Here's a 90's Subaru Impreza that i recently restored.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

W4nking into a sock ‘not really a hobby’, job applicant told​

A man has failed to secure a job interview after his cheeky choice of leisure activity.

Kris Mowrun, 61, had submitted an otherwise perfectly acceptable CV full of his accomplishments, qualifications and history of other places where he has stared at a computer screen until being told to go home.

“Then we read through his hobbies – actually I say ‘read through’, it was only one sentence, and that sentence was ‘I really enjoy w4nking into a sock’.

“That’s the note on which he chose to end his CV. It was like reading a pleasant Jane Austen novel and then having the chaps from Viz take over for the last sentence.

“We’ve written to tell Kris that while we admire his refreshingly honest approach to life, m4sturbating into one’s foot-glove isn’t really a hobby, and as such we will not be hiring now, or indeed ever.”

Mowrun said, “I just really enjoy w4nking into a sock.”

“I think most people do, if they’re really honest about it. I’m just brave enough to call it a hobby rather than treat it like some slutty little secret.

“I mean it’s not like it’s a pointless thing like collecting stamps (take note @LadyOnArooftop) or playing golf. It lowers my blood pressure. Probably.

“Why can’t people just accept me for me? It’s not like I’m going to crack one out on my lunch hour. I need a good ninety minutes at least.”

Wanking into a sock ‘not really a hobby’, job applicant told

A man has failed to secure a job interview after his cheeky choice of leisure activity.

newsthump.com

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

“I mean it’s not like it’s a pointless thing like collecting stamps (take note @LadyOnArooftop) or playing golf. It lowers my blood pressure. Probably.

Now stop this at once, this is getting silly! I'm glad I never mentioned my American comic collection The funny thing is, they learn't me to read, but with all the American spellings. Fortunately, despite their efforts, Labour's Comprehensive school sorted me out. And No, I still don't need sorting out.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Now stop this at once, this is getting silly! I'm glad I never mentioned my American comic collection The funny thing is, they learn't me to read, but with all the American spellings. Fortunately, despite their efforts, Labour's Comprehensive school sorted me out. And No, I still don't need sorting out.

Take your comic hobby, into the lobby,
where you chat and tease with glee.
Tell them stories
about superhero cronies
and the Marvel(lous) tales
from Stan Lee.

Keep up the good work bae. X

PS: I knew your humour was laboured. A 'type' of Alexei Sayle fragrance imo.

*blowing kisses*

Comic convention attended by adults​

The world’s funniest gathering of picture-story fans is teeming with adults, it has emerged.

Experts have long maintained that comics, which can be broadly defined as shiny pamphlets containing colourful drawings of flying men from space and vocabulary such as ‘BAMF!’ and ‘Aaaaarp!’, are for children.

Yet despite this, an estimated 98% of attendees at Liverpool’s Comic-Con 2021 are old enough to pay income tax and go to bed at a time of their own choosing.

Lady Anna Ruthtup of the Institute for Studies, who is at the event, said: “After extensive searching, I thought I finally saw a kid this afternoon. Turns out it was a middle-aged dwarf dressed as an ewok, which is a hair-covered creature from the popular children’s film Return of the Jedi.

“Yesterday I saw a middle-aged man pay £5000 for a bag of Patrick Stewart’s bum fluff, a gang of bitter divorcees sporting robot claws and a pair of railway engineers kissing with tongues while disguised as giant foxes.”

She added: “There was also a room with 500 adults in it, discussing ‘story arcs’ in Spiderman. I’ve no idea what a ‘story arc’ is but apparently it’s very grown-up and complicated.”

Cultural analyst Nikki Hollis said: “If you ask me, Watchmen is just Bash Street Kids with hovering blue penises.

“And I don’t care how ‘dark’ the new Batman film’s going to be, it’s still about a man who dresses up as a bat.

“They will no doubt claim that dressing up as a bat is a ‘metaphor’, but we know that it’s just a man in a bat suit. With pointy ears.”

Meanwhile, there was chaos at a Buffy the Vampire Slayer discussion panel when a group of men in their mid 40s had a violent argument about the correct usage of the word ‘mythos’.

 

[Bad_Influence]

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

Take your comic hobby, into the lobby,
where you chat and tease with glee.
Tell them stories
about superhero cronies
and the Marvel(lous) tales
from Stan Lee.

Keep up the good work bae. X

PS: I knew your humour was laboured. A 'type' of Alexei Sayle fragrance imo.

*blowing kisses*

Comic convention attended by adults​

View attachment 5112

The world’s funniest gathering of picture-story fans is teeming with adults, it has emerged.

Experts have long maintained that comics, which can be broadly defined as shiny pamphlets containing colourful drawings of flying men from space and vocabulary such as ‘BAMF!’ and ‘Aaaaarp!’, are for children.

Yet despite this, an estimated 98% of attendees at Liverpool’s Comic-Con 2021 are old enough to pay income tax and go to bed at a time of their own choosing.

Lady Anna Ruthtup of the Institute for Studies, who is at the event, said: “After extensive searching, I thought I finally saw a kid this afternoon. Turns out it was a middle-aged dwarf dressed as an ewok, which is a hair-covered creature from the popular children’s film Return of the Jedi.

“Yesterday I saw a middle-aged man pay £5000 for a bag of Patrick Stewart’s bum fluff, a gang of bitter divorcees sporting robot claws and a pair of railway engineers kissing with tongues while disguised as giant foxes.”

She added: “There was also a room with 500 adults in it, discussing ‘story arcs’ in Spiderman. I’ve no idea what a ‘story arc’ is but apparently it’s very grown-up and complicated.”

Cultural analyst Nikki Hollis said: “If you ask me, Watchmen is just Bash Street Kids with hovering blue penises.

“And I don’t care how ‘dark’ the new Batman film’s going to be, it’s still about a man who dresses up as a bat.

“They will no doubt claim that dressing up as a bat is a ‘metaphor’, but we know that it’s just a man in a bat suit. With pointy ears.”

Meanwhile, there was chaos at a Buffy the Vampire Slayer discussion panel when a group of men in their mid 40s had a violent argument about the correct usage of the word ‘mythos’.

Nice play on words and a nice poem. You should have put it in my lovely 'Poetry Corner' but I won't labour the point. And you know i'd consider voting Labour (if i'm allowed!), if only they'd get a decent leader. One that was preferably from the north just so I can stop banging on about Labour's Metropolitan elite. Also they must be state educated. It just seems those ones end up being Conservative prime ministers. I'm thinking Teresa May and John Major! (hope I don't get fact-checked on this)
I've read Major's biography. he was signing on the dole at 16 in Brixton, how did he rise from that?

 

[breakwake_]

So thats where I've been going wrong. I've been doing things I enjoy doing believing that one day I'll meet someone that enjoys doing the same things. I had no idea I had to be fake and spend all my time pretending be someone else.

At the end of the day I'll be happy if I can give myself a toss, I'm not particually keen on allowing strangers to do it.

 

[LadyOnArooftop]

I used to be very naive at one time. Now i'm ready for the fake smile, tell any lie, make any promise till they get what they want. Only then you get to see the real person. Now I'm happy to be 'master of my own domain' (able to control my urges)

 

[Altair]

Here's a Truck that I built...Worth a few quid now.

I used to be very naive at one time. Now i'm ready for the fake smile, tell any lie, make any promise till they get what they want. Only then you get to see the real person. Now I'm happy to be 'master of my own domain' (able to control my urges)

But when it comes to a BOX OF CHOCOLATES...You're in bits....X

 

[breakwake_]

I'd better not mention my steam engines and boilers. Making stuff like the engine below is also what I enjoy doing. Stuart 10v.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Boris Johnson has admitted his favourite hobby is painting people inside a homemade bus, giving them names, characters and backstories, before then throwing them all off a cliff.



Talking to TalkRadio about his favourite hobby, Johnson explained that he enjoys spending his rare moments of downtime painting elaborate figurines that are ultimately destined for disaster at his hand.

Johnson told Ross Kempsall, “I like to get to know them, who they are, what they love, their dreams and aspirations – then I throw the entire thing off my shed roof pretending it’s a cliff.

“I can’t explain to you the satisfaction I get knowing all those pretend lives have been quashed forever – and I am the one who did it. That control, that all-consuming power over life and death, it’s exhilarating.

“Sometimes I talk to them, telling them it’s all going to be brilliant and that I’m the best choice to lead them safely to their preferred destination – when in reality I’m leading them to nothing but a thoroughly grizzly end entirely of my own making.”

Psychologists have spent literally minutes coming to the conclusion that Boris is a deeply disturbed man.

Dr Simon Williams told us. “A grown man painting figurines is strange enough – even when bought from Games Workshop – but making your own and then painting them, that’s some Silence of the Lambs level fucked up sh** – in my professional opinion, of course.

“As for analysing what he does with them, and whether it can be used to draw any conclusions on how he treats people in other parts of his life – I’m not sure.

“But I certainly wouldn’t want him to be in any position of power.”

Boris painstakingly paints people into his wooden toy buses before sending them off a cliff

Boris Johnson has admitted his favourite hobby is painting people inside a homemade bus, giving them names, characters and backstories, before then throwing them all off a cliff.

newsthump.com

 

[Bad_Influence]

Boris Johnson has admitted his favourite hobby is painting people inside a homemade bus, giving them names, characters and backstories, before then throwing them all off a cliff.

View attachment 5147

Talking to TalkRadio about his favourite hobby, Johnson explained that he enjoys spending his rare moments of downtime painting elaborate figurines that are ultimately destined for disaster at his hand.

Johnson told Ross Kempsall, “I like to get to know them, who they are, what they love, their dreams and aspirations – then I throw the entire thing off my shed roof pretending it’s a cliff.

“I can’t explain to you the satisfaction I get knowing all those pretend lives have been quashed forever – and I am the one who did it. That control, that all-consuming power over life and death, it’s exhilarating.

“Sometimes I talk to them, telling them it’s all going to be brilliant and that I’m the best choice to lead them safely to their preferred destination – when in reality I’m leading them to nothing but a thoroughly grizzly end entirely of my own making.”

Psychologists have spent literally minutes coming to the conclusion that Boris is a deeply disturbed man.

Dr Simon Williams told us. “A grown man painting figurines is strange enough – even when bought from Games Workshop – but making your own and then painting them, that’s some Silence of the Lambs level fucked up sh** – in my professional opinion, of course.

“As for analysing what he does with them, and whether it can be used to draw any conclusions on how he treats people in other parts of his life – I’m not sure.

“But I certainly wouldn’t want him to be in any position of power.”

Boris painstakingly paints people into his wooden toy buses before sending them off a cliff

Boris Johnson has admitted his favourite hobby is painting people inside a homemade bus, giving them names, characters and backstories, before then throwing them all off a cliff.

newsthump.com

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

 

[MrFishy]

Boris Johnson has admitted his favourite hobby is painting people inside a homemade bus, giving them names, characters and backstories, before then throwing them all off a cliff.

View attachment 5147

Talking to TalkRadio about his favourite hobby, Johnson explained that he enjoys spending his rare moments of downtime painting elaborate figurines that are ultimately destined for disaster at his hand.

Johnson told Ross Kempsall, “I like to get to know them, who they are, what they love, their dreams and aspirations – then I throw the entire thing off my shed roof pretending it’s a cliff.

“I can’t explain to you the satisfaction I get knowing all those pretend lives have been quashed forever – and I am the one who did it. That control, that all-consuming power over life and death, it’s exhilarating.

“Sometimes I talk to them, telling them it’s all going to be brilliant and that I’m the best choice to lead them safely to their preferred destination – when in reality I’m leading them to nothing but a thoroughly grizzly end entirely of my own making.”

Psychologists have spent literally minutes coming to the conclusion that Boris is a deeply disturbed man.

Dr Simon Williams told us. “A grown man painting figurines is strange enough – even when bought from Games Workshop – but making your own and then painting them, that’s some Silence of the Lambs level fucked up sh** – in my professional opinion, of course.

“As for analysing what he does with them, and whether it can be used to draw any conclusions on how he treats people in other parts of his life – I’m not sure.

“But I certainly wouldn’t want him to be in any position of power.”

Boris painstakingly paints people into his wooden toy buses before sending them off a cliff

Boris Johnson has admitted his favourite hobby is painting people inside a homemade bus, giving them names, characters and backstories, before then throwing them all off a cliff.

newsthump.com

He did that to cover up the boris bus mess in London. Now when people search for "boris bus" they find him painting cardboard boxes not the millions wasted on new busses for London.