Hi there Fred!

[Kev45]

So rather than clog the room up today, here is my extremely EXCITING tale as promised!

So, I need a new freestanding cooker, I wanted induction rather than ceramic but the best brands new are SO expensive, and so I trawled the internet for second-hand models.

I found a three-year-old own brand stainless steel induction cooker from a well known top-end high-street retailer, which is simply a rebranded AEG or Zanussi model, and both two reliable induction brands. Apparently they are good for 15,000 + hours of cooking, and this particular model is very clean, and in immaculate condition, with no dents or scratches on the sides or hob etc.

Then the extremely dodgy bit enters into play, obviously I have not seen the machine in person. It was advertised on eBay, but the seller told me in private message he would sell it cheaper via another site he was also advertising it on, which didn't take so much commission, and then pass the saving on to me (£40) to use towards a courier.

New they cost over £1,000 and the machine was so cheap, it was too good to be true, and I suspected something was not quite right. However, I slept on it and thought the next day f*ck it I'll take a risk and so committed and bought it via bank transfer. Bypassing buyer protection on both eBay and PayPal. However, the seller had good reviews both on eBay and on the other site and I also google earthed his address and so it is a calculated risk!

There are no "knobs" on it whatsoever, it is all electronic, and the electronic dials are all on the hob, so a lot could be wrong with it electronically, but I decided the cheap price and sleek clean look, which is the look I specifically wanted, was worth the risk.

It's due to be delivered this week, so wish me luck hun, I think I will need it!

 

[Kev45]

Fred can't answer, apparently.


LOL!

 

[Raining_Roses]

Fred can't answer, apparently.


LOL!

Fred can't answer because he's tied up on Tiktok. He has things to wash in women's bathrooms, ya know. That rot pocket doesn't stay clean by itself! So I've made up a little scenario you can both toss off to.

Kev- I need an imaginary cock in a frock to validate my decisions.
Fred- you know I'm a part of your imagination, you sad cnut.
Kev- no you're not, you're real and the only friend I have on this on this website, apart from the laughing dog that no one reads!
Fred- we have the same email address, we're the same person. You really are a fcking loser, despite what your Mumsnet saddos say.
Kev- Honestly, Fred- I'm like Loreal- I'm worth it- NOW PAY ME ATTENTION!
Fred- fck you, you sad cow! Schizophrenia is a recognised mental health disorder- see a fcking psychiatrist!
Kev- but, but, Moriarty won't help me! And anyway, I think he's crazycatlady and Rainingroses and that idiot that I once accused of being someone else is the same person, but it was me! I get it Fred- you won't fck me because I'm a woman identifying as a manbaby that identifies as a internetbot.
Fred- well, that's nothing! I used to live next door to Germaine Greer, the Queen and the fucking Sultan of British Home Stores and I identify as better than you, so I outrank your biological woman status.
Kev- LOVE ME FRED! I DEMAND IT! Despite the fact that you are me and I am you.


The lesson here is love yourself, Kev. Learn to love yourself and look for no validation other than that from yourself

 

[Kev45]

Fred can't answer because he's tied up on Tiktok. He has things to wash in women's bathrooms, ya know. That rot pocket doesn't stay clean by itself! So I've made up a little scenario you can both toss off to.

Kev- I need an imaginary cock in a frock to validate my decisions.
Fred- you know I'm a part of your imagination, you sad cnut.
Kev- no you're not, you're real and the only friend I have on this on this website, apart from the laughing dog that no one reads!
Fred- we have the same email address, we're the same person. You really are a fcking loser, despite what your Mumsnet saddos say.
Kev- Honestly, Fred- I'm like Loreal- I'm worth it- NOW PAY ME ATTENTION!
Fred- fck you, you sad cow! Schizophrenia is a recognised mental health disorder- see a fcking psychiatrist!
Kev- but, but, Moriarty won't help me! And anyway, I think he's crazycatlady and Rainingroses and that idiot that I once accused of being someone else is the same person, but it was me! I get it Fred- you won't fck me because I'm a woman identifying as a manbaby that identifies as a internetbot.
Fred- well, that's nothing! I used to live next door to Germaine Greer, the Queen and the fucking Sultan of British Home Stores and I identify as better than you, so I outrank your biological woman status.
Kev- LOVE ME FRED! I DEMAND IT! Despite the fact that you are me and I am you.


The lesson here is love yourself, Kev. Learn to love yourself and look for no validation other than that from yourself

Blimey, now apparently Fred is me.

You always were a paranoid one and made exactly the same accusation about other chatters

LOL!

This what happens when you spend every single Friday night alone, with a bottle of cheap wine ,and 37 cats to keep you company.

Some people really should not consume alcohol.

 

[Kev45]

Oh btw Fred, who is really I,

I had forgotten, but I will finish the tale for you Fred, who is actually me. Although you can't answer, yes yes I know, it's because we are one and the same person.

So the induction cooker arrived, immaculate as described, looked almost new, and although it was three years old. Wired the beauty up, fired her up and I got a F88 error code.

WTF I told me myself, who is really you, I knew it was too good to be true. Anyway I couldn't find the error code online, and so I phoned up John Lewis, who said "hello Fred, how can we help you". I explained the situation and the lovely lady I was speaking to (they are not all mad like that other thing) ran it through her system. Which showed nothing, and so she rang up the maker Electrolux on my behalf. Electrolux also couldn't find the error code and suggested I arrange for an engineer to come out for a £75 call out fee and not including any new parts or labor because the machine is out of warranty.

So.. I panicked and thought that I was lumbered with a dud, but did some "research" and rewired it and thoroughly cleaned the surface because apparently these "knobless" induction cookers are a bit temperamental (like the mad thing).

Guess what Fred darling, it only went and bloody worked. Brilliant machine, cooks so fast and although it makes a funny noise (like that mad woman) it is so energy efficient. So I was not lumbered with a second-hand machine after all that cost more in repairs than an actual new machine.

Sometimes Fred, who is I, you have to take a risk in life, and with the money I saved I bought a retro walnut table and chairs to go with my new kitchen theme.

'He' who dares, Fred, he who dares, wins.

Edited. I did miss out the bit where I put the safety lock on and now can't work out how to turn if off! HaHa!

 

[Raining_Roses]

Blimey, now apparently Fred is me.

You always were a paranoid one and made exactly the same accusation about other chatters

LOL!

This what happens when you spend every single Friday night alone, with a bottle of cheap wine ,and 37 cats to keep you company.

Some people really should not consume alcohol.

Babes, I wish I could drink that much- it would make this site (and you) more entertaining than it really it is, but alas alcohol is not a drug I worship- the stomach acid would object and I'd have to endure 2 day hangovers. Again, I suspect projection here, but meh- I really don't care. Knock yourself out.
37 cats??? Blimey! I'm not the Cats Protection League! Even I couldn't keep up the with the names of 37! Nevertheless, if I was going to have 37 cats, I would name them:
1- Fluffy
2- Muffy
3- Blacky
4- Sir Balls Alot
5- Paul
6- Sambally (after you!)
7- Welly (don't know why- just seems cute!)
8- Licky (cos they lick a lot)
9- Seefer (C for Cat- geddit? No? Nevermind! )
10- George
11- Nimby
12- Sheldon
13- Oscar (Wilde- cos cats are always wild, no matter how domesticated- grrrr!)
14- Dante
15- Petal
16- Oi!
17- Sweetie
18- Simba
19- Nahla
20- Gethereyafuckingdirtycunt
21- Mwhawah (that sound you make when calling a cat)
22- Moriarty
23- Sweetcheeks
23- Tom
24-Bubba
24- Twentyfour
26-Runoutanames
27- Moomoo
28-Cat
29-Ummm
30-Whatnow?
31-Come here!
32- Feline
33-Cat number 33
34- You!
36- Kev (after you )
37- Whales (after....oh wait....)

Any suggestions? I obviously can't name 37 cats adequately. Maybe you can help me?

 

[Kev45]

 

[Raining_Roses]

View attachment 13530

Seriously? Pinching Whales expressions? Oh come on, Kev! I gave you more credit for originality than that!
Not even one suggestion of a name? I have 37 cats that need a bloody identity here!

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

 

[Kev45]

BTW Fred,

I worked out how to turn the "child lock" off... took awhile, but I got there, LOL.

Press power.
Press child lock for four seconds until it beeps.
Press power again.

I was just pressing the child lock...


You can set the cooker to actually cook with the child lock still on, and you have a 10-second window, which is what I had been doing, and although I only discovered it by trial and error lol while I was trying to work out how to turn the F ING child lock off.

Now I have to buy some new pans because induction heats up the pan rather than the surface and I only have two compatible pans!

Eurgh!

 

[Kev45]

These are the pans I ordered, Fred.





I know that you like a picture, cheapo's from IKEA and a very reasonable price.

 

[Kev45]

Hello again Fred, here is a pic of the retro kitchen/diner table as requested.







Not to everyone's taste, but I love it, and it fits in beautifully with my minimalist modern theme. Now I have to decide what colour for the walls. I have decided on "denim drift" for the main wall and a lighter blue/grey of some kind for the rest. What do you think, Fred?





Should be a bloody interior designer, me Fred, shouldn't I?