Google Maps scenic routes

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Google Maps to start showing ‘scenic’ routes which are just a bit less sh1t​

Google Maps is to start directing drivers to routes which it calculates are just a little bit more ‘scenic’ based on a list of factors it is revealed today.

With news emerging of a new eco-friendly option being released on the search engine’s satellite navigation app, Google bosses have also revealed an exciting new ‘scenic’ option today aimed at providing ‘nicer’ and a bit less depressing routes home from today, just to cheer people up.

Head of development Symon Williums at Google revealed “It’s an exciting development and makes your journey just a bit less, you know, sh1t.

“We’ve decided to add a new option to our navigation system, along with the really boring but fastest route, and new eco-friendly options.

“We just want to take people a prettier way home, maybe by the sea or through a few nice country roads for an hour or something, so it’s nice.

“Obviously finding a nice scenic route in some areas of the country, such as Birmingham, is near impossible, so the journey might take a little longer than expected, by four or five hours maybe.

“But it’s worth it just to get away from all the concrete and shite and actually see somewhere nice for the first time in months.:

Asked what effect adding an average of two hours onto a person’s journey might have on the environment, we were told
“Fvck the environment. People will be happy.”

 

[SamBally]

I must admit I am occasionally a secret Google Maps user and although it is always a few years behind I look (stalk) at houses I have lived at in the past or check out the local area around my new house for when I win the lottery, better to check these things out first.

The best one though is my current house and I kid you not, you can zoom to a (plastic) venetian blind I had up at the time downstairs and three or four broken slats are visible where my dogs stuck their big FAT noses through to stare at people/things/dogs as they pass.

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Christ @Omega

why are you stalking @SamBally across different threads leaving passive aggressive abusive comments all over the place?

Haven't you got anything better to do with your time, or, are you pissed off your body shaming post has been/had to be removed
either by you or someone else, that you are out to seek some kind of chat revenge?

Get a fvcking grip. Move on!

smfh

(this is my one and only comment)

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Dominic Raab spends morning frantically trying to find Afghanistan on a map​

Dominic Raab is spending the morning intensely studying the map of the world that hangs on the wall in his office in the hope of finding Afghanistan, according to Downing Street insiders.

The Foreign Secretary, Britain’s worst since Boris Johnson left the post in 2018, rushed back from his holidays to take a firm grip on the current crisis and to double-check that Afghanistan wasn’t just across from Dover like France turned out to be.

“Now then Afghanistan, where are you,” he was heard to mutter to himself, frantically changing out of the holiday swimming shorts he was still wearing into some smarter clothes.

“Phew, not near Dover, that’s a relief. Must be near America, they would never invade a country a long way away from them… Hmm, no, it’s not anywhere near the USA either, how very strange.

“Gosh, this would be so much easier if Boris hadn’t hung this map upside-down for a laugh when he was Foreign Secretary, hilarious though it was.”

An aide suggested Google Maps to which he snorted and replied, “I know what a map is, thank you very much, I don’t need to Google it, how would that help?”

Fifteen minutes after returning to the world map on his wall he triumphantly exclaimed, “Ah, there it is! Blimey, it’s miles away from the UK, isn’t it? Even if you ran all the way it would take hours to get there.

“Nothing to worry about at all.”

The Foreign Secretary was then spotted getting back into his swimming shorts and being driven off in a ministerial car, another day of helping to lead a post-Brexit ‘global Britain’ complete.

via - News Thump

 

[Bad_Influence]

Christ @Omega

why are you stalking @SamBally across different threads leaving passive aggressive abusive comments all over the place?

Haven't you got anything better to do with your time, or, are you pissed off your body shaming post has been/had to be removed
either by you or someone else, that you are out to seek some kind of chat revenge?

Get a fvcking grip. Move on!

smfh

(this is my one and only comment)

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

(Old but appropriate mappy map article from May 2020)​

Newly released official Government maps show Durham actually in Islington​

The government has issued new official maps of the British Isles that show that Durham is actually in Islington.

The maps are a response to increasing criticism of Boris Johnson’s advisor Dominic ‘Wormtongue’ Cummings’ decision to visit Durham during the lockdown.

“The time has come to correct the previous Labour Government’s inaccurate maps of the British Isles that show Durham is in somewhere called ‘The North’,” explained Boris Johnson, Prime Minister and human vessel for Dominic Cummings’ thoughts.

“As these new maps show, Durham is actually in Islington, just around the corner from Dom’s house and, as such, Dom did nothing wrong visiting his Durham family home in March when everyone else was locked down at home pretending to enjoy the National Theatre’s free YouTube streams of Shakespeare plays.”

Following the newly released maps, residents of Durham will no longer be required to speak with Geordie accents and will be gifted jobs in ‘the media’ and season tickets to Arsenal.

Durham resident Simon Williams was surprised by the news.

“Why aye, pet,” he said.

“I must confess, I was surprised to see Dominic Cummings in Durham back in March, and I’m glad the Government has cleared my confusion up my confirming that actually I live in North London.”

He also added the words ‘canny,’ ‘radge,’ and ‘howay’ because he is a proud North Londoner.

The newly released maps also show that Barnard Castle, previously thought to be in Deepdale Nature Reserve, Teeside, is actually a small garden shed situated at the bottom of Dominic Cummings’ garden.

via News Thump, 25 May 2020

 

[Bad_Influence]

 

[SamBally]