TwoWhalesInAPool
UKChat Celebrity
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Experts to be replaced with angry elderly man from a UK chat forum
So-called ‘experts’ in a variety of fields including health, economics, sports and science are to be replaced by unemployed 61-year old Kriz Tawhfoor, from his bedsit in Barnsley it has been confirmed.
Tawhfoor knows absolutely everything about any subject and is unafraid to hold forth against the received wisdom of 400 years of the scientific method, especially after four pints of Strongbow.
Amongst his many accomplishments Kriz is remarkably well-informed about optimal anti-vaccine legislation, the effects of NHS 'Lets Fight Covid' events on international capital and bond markets, and the best way to pleasure a plastic sex doll – possibly his favourite subject.
His breadth of knowledge is all the more impressive as he doesn’t even need to bother spending ten seconds fact-checking on Google before issuing a firm statement.
After lengthy debate, a number of professional bodies including the Royal Academy of Art, The Royal Society, the Law Society, the Royal College of Surgeons, the Bank of England and elected Parliament concluded the best thing they can do is hand over the running of things to Kriz immediately.
“We read some of the things Kriz said on the comments threads of a popular UKChat website, YouTube, twitter and his very popular Facebook page, and it was clear he knew more about everything than any so-called experts you might care to name,” said a spokesman for Buckingham Palace when confirming his appointment.
“You might think years of study, extensive experience and trial and error might be what really qualifies you in any given subject, but it’s clear that’s wrong.
“It turns out that what you actually need is an ability to be easily triggered, a very short temper; a plastic sex doll called Bella and an unpaid bar tab.
“In addition to his many other talents Kriz’s grasp of criminology and military tactics is unsurpassed, and on the basis of his opinion, we’ve reintroduced the death penalty and deployed the SAS to seventeen different trouble spots globally.”
However, KGBNews right-wing commenters are unimpressed by Tawhfoor’s appointment, as after an artisan quinoa souffle and the second bottle of Zinfandel they know what’s best for everyone without having to listen to anybody.
via ~ DailyTheAngryOldGammon
