Dave Pile, aged 59, quits medicine to concentrate on misogyny and transphobia.

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Dave Pile, aged 59, has sensationally announced his retirement as Professor of Virology at the National Centre for Human Retrovirology to concentrate full-time on misogyny and transphobia.

He has announced that he is already in training to compete in the events at the Olympic Games in Paris 2024.

Pile will compete primarily in the Politically Incorrectathlon, encapsulating the main disciplines of antisemitism, racism (casual and professional), general anti-LBGT events as well as misogyny, plus all the corresponding individual events.

Pile himself said, “This is what I have dreamed about for a long time.

“For too long, because of the long hours involved in medical research, I’ve been unable to do what I do best on the world stage, but now I get to batter all kinds of people at the Olympics Games, just as they deserve! Women – who all deserve it, gay men and women, trans men and women, Jews, Black people, people who dress up for fancy dress parties, members of 1-Direction, the Paw Patrol. Everyone really; I’m not fussy.

Reacting to comments that he is a massive helmet, Pile took it as a compliment and said that he hoped to use the massive helmet for purposes that are too crude to publish.

When asked for comment, the entire Tory party confirmed that they have all entered since hearing the news, with leader Boris Johnson the bookies’ favourite for several individual events.
 
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