Daily parties update, live.

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Daily party updates from Downing Street press briefings to return on tv.​

The nation is to be kept abreast of parties at Number 10 via the reintroduction of daily press conferences.

Amidst confusion and speculation as to what parties may or may not have happened at Downing Street, daily televised press briefings are set to return so the public has a clearer picture of what’s going on.

“Communication and transparency are extremely important aspects of government,” said No 10 Press Secretary Simon Williams.

“The Prime Minister has always believed that to be the case but perhaps hasn’t made these feelings crystal clear.

“That’s why Boris and his cabinet will be holding daily ‘party briefings’ from now on.

“They will be chaired on a rotating basis, largely depending on which minister is the soberest on any particular day.

“Chris Whitty will return – not because he’s a party expert but because he’s popular with the ladies and good for ratings.

“He’s also a dab hand with slides – each day he’ll be presenting graphs showing the number of parties held at Downing Street over time so people can clearly see the upward trends.

“There’ll also be pie charts – well, cake charts – highlighting how different variants of sweet baking take hold of Whitehall over the different seasons; summer sponges, winter fruitcake and so forth.

“These conferences will also be useful because the new Downing Street press briefing room is currently being used at a rate of approximately £500k per briefing.

“I’m sure the public will be keen for us to improve that value for money picture.”

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Drunken Toffs at Aintree fight to jump fence​

 

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NOT SATIRE

6 February 2021

Covid-19: Police fine baby's birthday party-goers £11k​

More than £11,000 in Covid fines have been handed out to 14 adults after they attended a one-year-old's birthday party.

Nottinghamshire Police were informed of the celebrations on Thursday after members of the public reported seeing party banners outside the gathering. Officers said 24 people, including 10 children, were bunched into "a small flat" in Victoria Street, Mansfield.

Fourteen adults were issued £11,200 in fines after police broke up the party in Victoria Street, Mansfield. Each adult was fined £800 for attending the party.

Under new Covid-19 measures introduced in January, people attending a gathering of more than 15 people at a house party incur a higher fine.
Police said a number of people travelled from Birmingham to attend the celebrations.

Officers said the revellers were also having a family barbecue. Police issued £11,200 in fines after breaking up the celebrations at about 15:00 GMT.

Assistant Chief Constable Steve Cooper said: "Officers are putting their own health, as well as their families' health, on the line by attending these kind of house parties night after night.

"We would appeal to all local residents to comply with the Covid-19 regulations which are there to protect everyone."

VIA - BBC NEWS WEBSITE

 

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Met Police call first witness:



via - HIGNFY

 

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Met Police calls the second witness

 

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What your shitty birthday was like in 2020​

Unsure if it matters that Johnson’s July 2020 birthday party broke the rules?

Compare it to the shitty celebration you had that year:

Location: home
Unless your birthday fell before lockdown or in the weird summer reprieve nobody trusted, it took place in the same spot as everything else in 2020: on the sofa in a post-midday w.ank stupor.

Guests: none
Nobody attended your birthday party in person because popping round, getting trashed and eating Party Rings didn’t count as state-approved daily exercise. After months indoors you would have given anything to celebrate with your mates. Even just 10 minutes would’ve cheered you up, but the police made it very clear that was illegal.

Presents: not many
Did you get any? Were they any good? Hard to tell; you had so many Amazon parcels of unnecessary tat delivered in 2020 that you lost track. Did your auntie break her habit of giving you generic, impersonal gifts, or did you buy that N64 game you always wanted as a kid for yourself at 2am while blind drunk? You’ll never know.

Cake: self-purchased
After quickly exhausting the joy of baking during the lockdown’s banana bread phase, you bought your own cake from the shops. Panic-buyers had already snapped up all the Colin the Caterpillars, leaving you with a stale, marked-down cupcake that only lasted for a couple of bites. You didn’t bother with candles. They wouldn’t have survived the tears.

Singing happy birthday: strictly forbidden
Scientists believed singing propelled coronavirus particles through the air and banned it. So your birthday was a dreary, tuneless affair, but at least you were obeying the rules not metaphorically giving the NHS the middle finger. Unless you ignored all the guidance as Tory MPs are now saying everyone did, in which case f.uck you.

via~DailyAnotherDayOlder