Commons porn watcher: Tory MP named

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Neil Parish MP has whip removed while he is investigated for allegedly watching porn in the chamber of the House of Commons. He also lost his gimp mask, butt plug, nipple chains and 18 inch dildo.

He stated that he only had a wan.k in parliament for 9 minutes and Boris wasn't there.

NEIL 'PORNY' PARISH

 

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Conservative MP apologises for being caught watching porn:​

“I misheard when I was told we were there for a mass debate”​

fyi: the photo below is a geoduck clam and not an engorged penis, just saying.

A Conservative MP who was caught watching pornography in the House of Commons has apologised for his actions stating that he misheard someone who told him they were gathering for a mass debate.​

The Conservative MP, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was spotted watching reported by a colleague who then reported him.

“I can only apologise for my actions. It was a simple misunderstanding. I misheard someone in the chambers who said we’d gathered for a mass debate. I’m sure you can work out what I thought they said.

“I do think that some form of punishment is in order for my actions. Maybe a light spanking?” he told us.

We hit the streets and asked people what they thought of the whole affair.

“Leave him alone. He was trying his best,” one vaguely human-shaped being told us.

While another said, “You’d have thought he’d be content with screwing the entire country.”

Perhaps the most galling part of the story is that the Conservative MP in question charged a new pair of underpants to his expense account on the day of the incident.

via ~ DailyTrewsSnakery

Video:

The Premature Ejaculation Coach from Comedy Central​

 

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Neil Parish falls on his pork sword​

After admitting to watching porn in the House of Commons, the MP for Tit-ogling and Onanism – sorry, Tiverton and Honiton- has done the honourable thing and resigns.

The Rt dishonourable gentleman admitted watching pornography twice in the chamber, saying the first time was accidental but the second time was exhilaratingly deliberate.

“I just don’t know what happened the first time,” he told press.

“I was in the House of Commons and my thoughts turned to the Devonshire farmers in my constituency who might benefit from new some new equipment, and I inadvertently typed the word ‘tractor’ completely by accident into PornHub instead of Google, and suddenly up pops a filthy video showing some young ladies explicitly engaging in intercourse on a farm.

“So stunned was I by this, that I was in too much shock to stop it, and I ended up watching all thirty six minutes of it.

“Twice.”

He went on, “I can only apologise to my family and to the Conservative Party, as I fear that I have given our political opponents even more cause to call us a bunch of pitiful wankers.”

Conservative spokesperson Sir Kriz Tawfoor-Toffer defended the resignation saying, “Although we are sad to see Neil go – especially as he’s one of the few of our MPs that hasn’t been embroiled in a partygate or cronyism scandal – we’re sure he’ll be happy to have a bit more time to pursue, you know, his other interests, whatever adult website they may be on.

“I for one am just relived that the seats in the commons are wipe-clean.”

via ~ DailySpurt

 

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A glimpse at a very poor screen shot from Neil Parish mobile phone and the 'tractor porn'