Can he be tried as an adult?

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

TRAINWRECK TRUMP FREAKY WEAKY OUTTY WOUTY

Nobody sure if Donald Trump should be tried as an adult.​

With his arrest impending and the $250m civil fraud trial of former President Trump beginning in New York, the next question facing lawyers is whether he should be tried as an adult.

Described as a tricky procedural question, some lawyers point to the President’s temporal age as being on his birth certificate to support a motion that Trump is – legally speaking – a “grown-up”.

However, other legal experts insist there is decades of documentary evidence to the contrary, and that the former President should be held in court as a minor at best.

A judge is expected to rule on the matter after not just checking basic things like times and dates, but also looking at just about anything Trump has said or done in the last thirty years.

“It could go either way on that basis,” confirmed Attorney Simon-Bob Williams.

“If Donald Trump is tried as an adult, he could be in big trouble. Someone get him his binky''

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Below is a list of the positive achievements of Donald Trumps four year Presidency
(there isn't enough time in 'ever' to list the negative ones'
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Thanks, Drumpy. You’ve been, um, ‘remarkable’.

 

[Dropship]

I bet the Borgs and Romulans breathed a sigh of relief when Biden won..

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

''LOCK HIM UP''​

So your former leader is on trial? A UK guide to what to expect​

The unthinkable has happened.

Your former leader is on trial for breaking the law.

This is what will happen next, according to a country that has been there and done that.

1: The press will defend someone obviously guilty
When incompetent shagger Boris Johnson was hauled over the coals, the press sprang into action to limit the damage. Sarah Vine rubbed herself raw with her keyboard then published the results, the Daily Star ran a front page with an amusing Photoshop, and they all said Keir Starmer was the real story. Expect the Fox News, New York Post and Newsday to do the same.

2: The accused will act appallingly in court
You’d think a court summons would cause someone to pause and reflect on their actions. Hahaha. If your guy’s anything like ours he’ll take verbal swipes at the jury and bristle with narcissistic contempt throughout the hearing. You Americans like to do everything bigger and better than us, so Trump will probably try to fire the judge or get QAnon nutters to shoot them.

3: The truth will get lost in the spectacle
Trials are supposed to agree on the truth via a cold evaluation of the evidence. But in high-profile cases like this, facts are prioritised by how juicy they are. Phrases like ‘porn star’, ‘adulterous affair’ and ‘$130,000’ will dominate the headlines, whereas more important but boring ones like ‘systematic tax fraud’ and 'he is a racist abusive bullying c.unt' will only make it into news reports to pad out the word count.

4: Both sides will double down
Republicans will not fling their MAGA hats onto a big bonfire and suddenly support Biden. Democrats will not stay true to their sanctimonious posturing by offering an olive branch to their humiliated rival. Instead, both sides will politicise the hearing according to their own agenda and your broken democracy will stagger on as before. Ours has.

5: Nothing will really change
Discovering your former leader is a criminal should be an opportunity for change, or at least prison. A time to think about how your country became a cesspit of corrupt, ethics-free governance. It should be, but it won’t. Instead, Trump will swagger out of court and embark on his political comeback as if nothing of consequence just happened. Because it didn’t.

TY@TDM

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

$$$ Trumpy Wumpy Little Handy Wandy Milky Milk Milk $$$

Donald Trump ha$ announced that he will $pend the next few month$ enthu$ia$tically milking $heep in preparation for hi$ upcoming trial and incarceration.

Trump, who ha$ u$ed the two year$ $ince he wa$ fired by the American people to perfect hi$ $heep-milking technique, $aid he would now be going full-time in hi$ pur$uit of milking every la$t drop from the $heep who follow him.

“My $heep are the be$t, they’re $o good, $o much milk, the be$t milk,” explained Trump $hortly before firing off another email to hi$ $heep demanding donation$ to $upport hi$ campaign to a$k them for more money.

“No one milk$ $heep like Trump. No one,” he told tho$e on hi$ all-lie$-$ocial web$ite.

“If $heep milking make$ it to the Olympic$, I will be getting the gold medal. The be$t medal.

That I will probably melt down and turn into toilet roll holder$ for my bathroom$.

“People $ay you can’t make money from milking $heep, but I’ve gathered $100m by playing the victim in ince$$ant begging email$ to hard-working American$ who are only too happy to $end a few buck$ to a man who claim$ to be richer than ju$t about everyone on the planet.

“Would I like to be Pre$ident?

$ure, it’$ the only way I can $tay out of pri$on, but a$ long as I can milk a couple of hundred million $heep along the way, I’m happy.”

TY@NT

 

[TwoWhalesInAPool]

Arrested grifting grifter grifts, and whines about being a criminal then grifts some more.

Convict-in-waiting Donald Trump, the newly arrested criminal, has used his first appearance since being charged with 34 Felony offences to demand trial by a jury of his sycophants.

The former criminal president is scheduled to stand trial sometime in early 2024, and the lengthy jury selection process is expected to be highly contentious.

Crime lord Trump’s legal team have argued that since a Democrat has brought the prosecution, then it’s only fair if the jury consists solely of MAGA-frenzied far-right Trumpsters.

Convict-in-waiting Trump told reporters at his Jar-A-Lardo[sp] resort, “This is the biggest miscarriage of justice in American history, and the only way to fight this wrong is to ensure everyone on the jury loves me.

“That won’t be hard, because everyone loves me. Everyone is saying it. But we should make sure there are no Democrats on the jury, just to be safe. Even though I’m the most popular criminal President ever, it’s important we get to veto anyone who believes they are capable of finding me guilty if the evidence suggests that I am.

“I think the jury foreman should be the buffalo guy from the Jan 6th event, he seems like a stand-up sort of guy who would do a great job. And we should probably find a place on the jury for people like Roger Stone, Steve Bannon and Dinesh D’Souza – guys I’ve pardoned for their criminal behaviour, so they owe me one.

“These guys know what it’s like to be pursued by the establishment for petty crimes that no one cares about, and I know they can be trusted to do the right thing in the eyes of the law.

And, can you each send me money, send me at least $199 a month to help me fight my conviction and to add to the billions I have already grifted from you trailer park poor people. Give me your last dime! I need it more than you''

TY@NT

LOCK HIM UP

LOCK HIM UP

LOCK HIM UP

LOCK HIM UP
​